Breastfeeding is making me miserable

[Anonymous]

Echoing PPs so I won't repeat, but keep in mind your emotions are on super hyped-up mode so don't feel judged, inadequate, etc.

I lashed out at DH when I was 2 weeks OP about not being able to nurse Dd very well, went on a rampage about what a failure I felt like, pretty much had a tantrum and breakdown at the same time...looking back (and once Dd talked sense into me) I was like "why the hec did I freak out about this. Such a waste of energy". So, don't let this get to you Op.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, ladies, for being so kind to me. I am feeling a bit better tonight after reading all the advice.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Ok. Then do what you think you can handle.

I was committed to breastfeeding when I had DC1. However, it was really hard for a long time. It took around 4-6 weeks before both of us got the hang of it. I also had a lot of support at home with DH, my mom. and a lactation consultant. And there was no pandemic. I also supplemented with formula at times.

If I gave birth during this pandemic, I would absolutely continue to breastfeed because of the immunity that breastmilk provides. But again, this is because I had lots of support. If you are not able to endure it, I would suggest trying formula to tide you over. Try for a few more weeks, it gets better and then it gets a lot easier.

Breastfeeding for a FTM is miserable for the first 6 weeks. The rewards comes later though.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted similarly a few weeks ago. Baby girl was 3 weeks then and now she’s almost 7 weeks. Things have much improved so we nurse before I give her a bottle of formula and barely pump anymore. I never got much milk when I pumped and it took so much time. When I posted, others similarly gave great advice which was very comforting. I’m glad I stuck it out a few weeks bc I like the time I spend with her breastfeeding but you spend that same time with your baby when you give them a bottle. I have no idea how much breast milk she’s getting and I don’t stress if I skip a feeding bc I know she’s getting plenty of nutrition with formula. We also tried different positions. Ultimate side lying works best. Anyway, hang in there and your baby really will be ok as long as a/he gets fed. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I breastfed for 6 weeks and I was done. Life become good again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Then do what you think you can handle.

I was committed to breastfeeding when I had DC1. However, it was really hard for a long time. It took around 4-6 weeks before both of us got the hang of it. I also had a lot of support at home with DH, my mom. and a lactation consultant. And there was no pandemic. I also supplemented with formula at times.

If I gave birth during this pandemic, I would absolutely continue to breastfeed because of the immunity that breastmilk provides. But again, this is because I had lots of support. If you are not able to endure it, I would suggest trying formula to tide you over. Try for a few more weeks, it gets better and then it gets a lot easier.

Breastfeeding for a FTM is miserable for the first 6 weeks. The rewards comes later though.

This is super unhelpful. Not everyone can power through and get to success. And I think OP knows there is a pandemic! OP - 10 years from now, I promise that how long you breastfed for will not be the thing you're obsessing about when you worry about how you screwed up your kid.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add hugs and echo others. I have a 7 and 9 years old. Pretty sure my BF struggles with 9 years old DD contributed to some PPD and difficulty enjoying her infancy and bonding. Also struggled with 7 year old and ended up Exclusivly pumping for 6 months which worked out fine for that stage of life.

Five weeks ago I had a surprise DD and at this point she is 100% on formula. I pumped for a month but with the other two home due to pandemic, the time became unworkable. I am SO enjoying her infancy guilt and stress free because with the hindsight of having a 9 year old and 7 year old, I KNOW this is just the beginning of her life/our relationship and a thousand other interactions and circumstances and choices will have as much of an impact.

Be kind to yourself. Enjoy cuddling and feeding in whatever manner works for you. Let your partner/mother/MIL/FIL have the joy of feeding your child from
a bottle.

It’s a long road, take it easy on yourself - that’s what your child would want.

[Anonymous]

I (1) haven't read all the posts, (2) am a huge advocate for supporting women who breastfeed, and (3) breastfed 3 kids myself.

You have a lot of options open to you. None of the will damage your child and you are an awesome mom regardless of which path you choose.

You can choose to persevere with the breastfeeding plan laid out for you. If you do that, talk to your lactation consultant about what the path is to offramp from pumping, since this doesn't seem to be working for you. Every woman's responsiveness to pumping is different and where one woman can get a steady 4 oz per session, other women don't. This doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. If you're really set on exclusively breastfeeding, talk to her about getting access to a medical grade pump. A lot of women report that this is much more effective for them than a standard "free with health insurance" pump.

The fact that you seem to be really interested in breastfeeding and that you are being steered towards exclusively pumping and that it's not working for you kind of makes me want to tell you to find another lactation consultant right off the bat. I know there are women that are able to transition from pumping to breastfeeding (at the breast) and there are things that can help with this. I am completely not an expert here. I am concerned that you're being steered towards a path that is causing you to beat yourself up, though.

Alternatively, you could choose to continue breastfeeding some and supplementing some (this is the route I went after I went back to work and couldn't get enough with pumping). Talk to your LC for tips and tricks, but if she's really not supportive of this option, don't hesitate to find someone else to help support you. Usually this means to offer the breast when the baby is hungry but not starving and then give them a bottle if they're not satisfied after nursing for a while. Don't let you or Baby get to the point of tears!

Or you could choose to stop breastfeeding entirely and bottlefeed instead. I don't have a lot of experience with helping to dry up this way early on as I continued to breastfeed until weaning age, but please don't hesitate to seek out help if you're uncomfortable. I would say to taper off rather than going all at once because becoming engorged is actually a health hazard for you. You do NOT want to end up with a plugged duct and mastitis. You can use a pump to relieve engorgement in this process, but you will need to taper off to signal to your body to stop producing milk.

As I said, you're a great mom to your baby and no matter which route you choose, your baby will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Then do what you think you can handle.

I was committed to breastfeeding when I had DC1. However, it was really hard for a long time. It took around 4-6 weeks before both of us got the hang of it. I also had a lot of support at home with DH, my mom. and a lactation consultant. And there was no pandemic. I also supplemented with formula at times.

If I gave birth during this pandemic, I would absolutely continue to breastfeed because of the immunity that breastmilk provides. But again, this is because I had lots of support. If you are not able to endure it, I would suggest trying formula to tide you over. Try for a few more weeks, it gets better and then it gets a lot easier.

Breastfeeding for a FTM is miserable for the first 6 weeks. The rewards comes later though.

This is super unhelpful. Not everyone can power through and get to success. And I think OP knows there is a pandemic! OP - 10 years from now, I promise that how long you breastfed for will not be the thing you're obsessing about when you worry about how you screwed up your kid.

This is true.

-mom to 2 tweens and a PKer who all BF past 2yo.