Move to Baltimore or Bethesda??

[Anonymous]

OP, does your DH have any option now, or in the future, to work from home 1 or 2 days a week? If so that greatly changes the equation. For me, commuting by MARC was so much easier and less stressful than driving- though I only did it 3 days a week when I lived in Balto. And there were occasional delays. But the city itself has a lot to offer, affordability, character, charm. A little artier and funkier than DC, not as competitive or status seeking. A 5 day commute is a lot, I agree with other posters that it would be worth it to stay there and try it out to see how DH feels by the end of the week.

[Anonymous]

14:30 PP here.

The 3 major reasons I would move back to Baltimore are: family, housing and attitude. My parents still live in Baltimore Co. and we spend a fair amount of time there. As to housing, you are so right. For so much less, you can buy an older large home in a well established neighborhood. I wouldn't have to sell me soul to pay for a house the way I do in MoCo. I'm tired of living in my tiny, cramped 1950s colonial. Attitude though is the biggie reason. I'm so tired of the entitlement attitude in Bethesda. I'm tired of the obnoxious ppl swarming at the Whole Foods to get a parking place and to get the perfect pastry. Or getting yelled at b/c I took too long conversing with the cashier an item I was purchasing (yes, that happened this morning...and btw, I asked 1 question). Obviously, the old saying is true here...$$ does not buy happiness. There are a lot of unhappy ppl in this town! Don't get me wrong, we have lovely friends here...but everything is about appearances. On a whole, people are just different in Baltimore. They might ask you what you do for a living, but it usually isn't the first question and you aren't self worth isn't fully measured upon it.

Again, these are just my honest 2 cents.

The commute for your DH is concerning. But, I had many friends in Baltimore that drove to BWI and took the MARC. Yes, there were sometimes delays. But everyone expects that in DC with traffic, congestion being so bad.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why it HAS to be Bethesda. I mean, if the private schools OP is targeting are in Bethesda, why couldn't they still live in say, Rockville or Kensington? No one says you have to live in the same town where your school is located. Maybe if OP could give us some more info on what schools she is limited to, we could have better input.

[Anonymous]

I love Baltimore-- grew up there-- and sometimes crave the slower pace and lower cost of living there, but a commute to DC and a DC-paced job would erase the plus side of Baltimore living. A 90-minute commute is a generous estimate. Sometimes in traffic it will take more. Let's say it's 90 and Bethesda is 40. That's 50 extra minutes twice per day, meaning 10 times per week. Five hundred extra minutes, meaning over 8 hours extra commute. That is like adding a work day. If your boss Told you to add an extra work day to your week with no pay increase, would you do it? That is without the cost of gas and how much more quickly you will wear out a car. If he could telecommute two days per week, maybe. Maybe.

But really, it sounds like you're signing up for isolation, particularly isolation from one another. Sacrifice the 1/4 acre of land and find a community where you have access to a playground right near your door, where your kids can play with others. Having somewhere nice to come home to isn't that meaningful when you are coming home to a place where your husband spends less of his time and he is coming home after a brutal and frustrating drive.

[Anonymous]

You should also consider the cost of the commute. A short drive is cheaper in gas and wear and tear on the car. It sounds like nothing, but add up all those miles on your car and it really starts to get expensive. Consider a conservative estimate of 50 cents a mile and then think of how much cheaper it is to live in B-more.

And taking the train isn't cheap either. Even if your DH gets a subsidy from work, it likely won't cover the entire expense and you still have to pay for parking at the train station and deal with the train schedule, which can be inconvenient. If he misses a train, that's another 30 or 40 minutes added to his commute.

Your time is worth something, and it's worth more than a life on the highway.

[Anonymous]

Go for Baltimore. People are happier there.

[Anonymous]

I think your estimates for a 90 minute door to door commute is only really possible if you happen to live within a block of a MARC station. Otherwise, you need to factor in the drive to the station, the fight for or search for a parking spot, and the lead time prior to the scheduled departure. It's not like the metro where you just show up anytime and the trains run every 5 to 10 minutes. If you miss a train, you might have to wait another 30 to 60 minutes for the next train. Because of this, you really need to get at the station 15 minutes early to avoid stressing out and running towards the train if you got stuck in traffic or was running late for any other reason.

Other time drains include a massive traffic jams as the riders attempt to depart from the train and enter the narrow corridors to get to the metro at Union Station and the often broken escalators.

[Anonymous]

I'd only do it if I thought that spending less time with my husband would be good for our relationship.

I like Baltimore.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We lived for four years in Princeton NJ and both DH and I worked in NYC, so we experienced first-hand the 90 min commute that your DH would have if he commuted between Bmore and DC. It was doable though draining for me - I only went in three times a week and I was able to work a shorter day some days to be home with the children at night - but my DH did it daily, and it just wore him down. He NEVER saw the children (or, to be exact, saw the children awake only between 7-7:30am), and on weekends he was so exhausted he didn't really engage in our new community. I was less tired so made friends, but DH never wanted to do anything because of being so wiped out, plus he was never available for things like school plays and evening meetings, so he made no connections with the dads of DCs' friends, nor did he get involved in any activities. After four years, he just had had it, so he requested a transfer back to the DC office, and we moved to Bethesda. Now he is at work near where your DH works in 35 min if he takes ride-on to metro or 20 min if he rides his bike on the CC trail. Every day feels like a holiday when he walks in at 6:30 and is there to both play with and help with the children. I can't believe we lived like that for so long.

I understand the lure of those houses, but seriously - your husband will miss your children growing up, and he can't get those years back. Please don't make the mistake we made in thinking a 90 min commute would work.

[Anonymous]

Having lived in both Bethesda and Baltimore, and having commuted from Baltimore to DC (though, thank God, not every day), I have to chime in.

Everyone is talking about 90 minute commutes, and how long they are. And they are! But there is no way your DH's commute will be 90 minutes if you live in the parts of Baltimore you are talking about (especially Towson!). It will be more like 2 hours each way. For reference, I used to regularly drive from downtown DC to Charles Village in Baltimore, and I could do it in two hours on a good day and two and three-quarters on a bad one. The MARC train is erratic and frequently delayed, and the drive is horrendous. The Baltimore Beltway gets just as congested as 495.

I like Baltimore and I understand wanting more space, but Baltimore is only semi-commutable to DC and only if you live in certain parts, generally right near a MARC station.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look in Greenbelt, College Park, Mt. Ranier, or just across the line in Howard County. You'll find bigger homes and a more tolerable commute.

Greenbelt was the first thing I thought of too. Old Greenbelt.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP. I also want to add that while Baltimore is charming and laidback, there are crime issues which you don't encounter in Bethesda. There's also the huge cultural difference. Bethesda is fairly homogenous in terms of education and affluence, and Baltimore is not. That's part of its quirky charm, but it's not always charming. I saw a kid getting beaten on the sidewalk (by a parent) and, walking around Hampden, often overheard parents screaming at their kids in ways that I wouldn't want my own kids to hear. Is this sounding snotty? I don't mean it to, but to me it is weird to have these be your two choices because there's a huge middle ground. Obviously the neighborhood you choose in Balty would make a difference but the neighborhoods where my friends mostly moved (after having kids) are in the County, not the City, and too far for a DC commute.

[Anonymous]

I love Baltimore. And you are absolutely OUT of your mind if you (or anyone) does that commute, OP. It will be short lived. I don't care what you're coming home to. Really, don't do it.

I thought the same of a similar commute. We moved further out to get THE amazing house. I'll spare you the details. Everything suffered (sleep, time, family, cars, you name it - including the entire reason for the commute), it was just WAY too much.

Even if it doesn't seem so on paper. It's ridiculous. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I would do whatever reduces your husband's commute, which sounds like is Bethesda.

Agree with a PP - a long commute is draining. We have based our entire life here on shorter commutes - living near my husband's job, settling for a smaller house, and living close in enough I get to my job in DC in 45 minutes door to door (and I don't go into the office every day, and at least some of that is spent walking and the rest on the metro reading).

Not that everyone has to live like us of course, just making a point that I don't think we are the only ones who have made trade-offs to get a decent commute. Studies actually show commutes like that are really bad for your health, year after year. We also went looking for houses recently and it is amazing what you can get further out, but just not worth it to us. Five days a week, twice a day - it's a huge quality of life issue.

[Anonymous]

This whole post sounds so preposterous that I suspect it's completely made up.

I want to have my husband commute for 3 to 4 hours every single day so I can hang out by myself in my pretty Victorian OR we could live in Bethesda (but not Rockville, no no no way we could live 2 miles further up the road).