Rank my anger - is it justified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.

Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.

I'm sorry, OP. What a hard spot to be in.

I get your husband's happiness at seeing your kids playing with others. But, really - that is not worth the risk of what he did. Not only are you pregnant, but you have an elderly persons with pre-exisitnig conditions living in your home. He made a really, really big mistake. I'd be hugely pissed, too.

But we all make mistakes. He's under pressure just like you are. (Just like we all are.)

You need to find a way to come together on this and agree on avoidance strategies going forward. Get outside as a family -- go for LONG walks as a family and play along the way. You don't need to be held prisoner in your home. Get in the car to a different neighborhood and walk and explore.

This life sucks right now, it really, really does. If you let this divide you, things are not going to get any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.

Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.

OP not only are you stuck at home but stuck through your first tri. Ugh. Misery.

I get why you're angry, but its really hard to maintain perfection for this long. All you can do is try to keep following as you can. As you know, the risk in this single interaction isn't high.

I do think you should go out an do an errand next time. Someone from the house is going to the store, that person will expose everyone in the house to whatever they were exposed to at the store. No reason that has to be your husband instead of you. You would probably benefit just from the mental lift of leaving your house alone. Heck, just go on a drive somewhere if you don't want to go in a store. You don't have to take risks you don't want to take, but you can just get out, leave your house, and enjoy an afternoon out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be pissed, regardless of what the actual risks/exposure were.

Your husband just didn’t want to be the bad guy to your kids or in front of friends. Guess what? Social distancing is hard and parenting is hard because someone has to be the bad guy all of the time. Your husband is fine with you being the bad guy but didn’t step up when it was his turn.

+1

The risks were probably pretty low. But he chose what was easy over your kids’ safety.

Agree. He wanted adult time and to check out a bit. Not cool since it was his time on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally ok to be super pissed. Really pissed. But it's time for grace and moving on. Calmly tell him how you feel though for sure.

AND/OR Make him quarantine in a closed room with his two young kids for two weeks.

I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.

Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.

OP not only are you stuck at home but stuck through your first tri. Ugh. Misery.

I get why you're angry, but its really hard to maintain perfection for this long. All you can do is try to keep following as you can. As you know, the risk in this single interaction isn't high.

I do think you should go out an do an errand next time. Someone from the house is going to the store, that person will expose everyone in the house to whatever they were exposed to at the store. No reason that has to be your husband instead of you. You would probably benefit just from the mental lift of leaving your house alone. Heck, just go on a drive somewhere if you don't want to go in a store. You don't have to take risks you don't want to take, but you can just get out, leave your house, and enjoy an afternoon out.

New poster.

The advice from medical professionals re: errands, shopping etc. is to have only one designated person in the household who does those things. Not to let the adults trade it off so that people like OP can "just get out" like it's for social purposes.

It is simply safer to have the same person do designated chores that create potential for exposure. Every time a person goes to the grocery store etc. that restarts the two-week clock for that person on waiting to see if exposure and infection might have happened. It makes more sense to have just one person potentially getting exposed, not two.

OP can go for distanced walks etc. of course. Drives are great. But sending a pregnant woman out on errands to stores when there's another adult who could do them is foolish.

[Anonymous]

You have the right to be pissed. But the biggest risk right now is to his mother. Remind him of that and I bet he won’t do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suspect you are angry in part because you feel that what your husband did undoes all of the work you have done maintaining social distancing. But that is not true. You kept you family away from people when the virus was reaching its peak, when hospitals were the most likely to be overwhelmed, when people had not been social distancing, when it was the most important to do so. After 6 weeks of people being socially distant, the risk to your family is lower now than it was. Your sacrifice was no in vain. You just need to remind your husband that we are not yet out of the woods and that he should avoid risks that are easily avoided, such as this one, if not for himself, if not for the kids, then simply because you are asking him to do so. And then do your best to let it go, because the anger is not going to help you.

Op here - I think the first sentence really is what I am feeling. Because I am 15 weeks pregnant, he has done all the grocery shopping, the picking up take out every once in a while, the getting gas while he is out getting groceries, the going to home depot because we need a lawn mower (which is true). Literally in 47 days I have left the house a total of 2 times for doctor appointments. It has been insane working from home, taking care of the kids, being home solo when he is out for groceries, taking care of his mother, and being home 24 hours a day. We play in the backyard and take walks / ride bikes but most of the time we are in the house. I feel like this one day undoes all of that hard work and sacrifice and it pisses me off.

He feels badly for it happening. He was just so happy to see our 5 year old, who has been so sad, getting to play and be a normal kid. I think that is why he did not think sooner about the repercussions. But I am still pissed off about it. I hope nothing bad comes from it, but it just feels so irresponsible to have done it and I can't let that go right now.

OP not only are you stuck at home but stuck through your first tri. Ugh. Misery.

I get why you're angry, but its really hard to maintain perfection for this long. All you can do is try to keep following as you can. As you know, the risk in this single interaction isn't high.

I do think you should go out an do an errand next time. Someone from the house is going to the store, that person will expose everyone in the house to whatever they were exposed to at the store. No reason that has to be your husband instead of you. You would probably benefit just from the mental lift of leaving your house alone. Heck, just go on a drive somewhere if you don't want to go in a store. You don't have to take risks you don't want to take, but you can just get out, leave your house, and enjoy an afternoon out.

New poster.

The advice from medical professionals re: errands, shopping etc. is to have only one designated person in the household who does those things. Not to let the adults trade it off so that people like OP can "just get out" like it's for social purposes.

It is simply safer to have the same person do designated chores that create potential for exposure. Every time a person goes to the grocery store etc. that restarts the two-week clock for that person on waiting to see if exposure and infection might have happened. It makes more sense to have just one person potentially getting exposed, not two.

OP can go for distanced walks etc. of course. Drives are great. But sending a pregnant woman out on errands to stores when there's another adult who could do them is foolish.

I think you're seriously downplaying mental health. OP needs to take care of herself, including her mental health, as seen by this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be pissed, regardless of what the actual risks/exposure were.

Your husband just didn’t want to be the bad guy to your kids or in front of friends. Guess what? Social distancing is hard and parenting is hard because someone has to be the bad guy all of the time. Your husband is fine with you being the bad guy but didn’t step up when it was his turn.

+1

That said, the risk is probably very low, so don’t go ballistic. Calm conversation when you can (not that I would probably be able to follow my own advice, especially pregnant :lol