Would you rather have a baby at 20 or 40?

[Anonymous]

40 for sure. I wasn’t wild but I enjoyed carefree 20s before having kids. And I was fully established in my career by the time I had kids (33 for first, 38 for last) which meant I could weather 3 maternity leaves without sacrificing my career. And I make better decisions and have a very stable marriage and partnership.

I’m *sure* it would have been easier on my body to have them in my 20s but I’m done having kids and back down to prepregnancy weight.

[Anonymous]

40

Seems like several of the people answering 20 had their kids close to that age (early 20s). They have no idea what they missed out on. Having a life as a young adult free from the responsibility of being a parent is an amazing and formative time of life that can never be replicated.

[Anonymous]

Id choose a better partner and make a better parent at 40

[Anonymous]

20 if I could afford it And had a partner - but I couldn’t And didn’t. I’d definitely rather err young though. I’d be hard to give my children everything I wanted to give them (still was at 30) but I’d get to have them in my life longer and have more time to dig in on career/living life on my own terms as I got older. I’m 40 now and glad I’m not just starting out with kids (though sometimes want one more!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 20 so I could get it over with, and have more free time in my 40’s. But I would be a better parent at 40.

????

So you can get it over with? Don’t have kids at all then.

[Anonymous]

Now that I have kids (in my 30s) I’m 100% convinced that my childless 20s with Dh were the happiest years of both our lives. How can you even compare? I adore my toddlers but the amazing moments are few and far between. and the in between is pure drudgery and lack of sleep. I didn’t know when I set out to have kids that I wouldn’t sleep the next 5 years (pregnancy until the Youngest turns 2)

[Anonymous]

40, hands down. I was in no place to be raising a child at 20 and my 20s were some of the best and most important/formative years of my life in almost every regard. They set me up for success in the future and I had incredible experiences I never would have had with a kid in tow. I know I personally would have been VERY resentful of my situation looking at my untethered peers and it would probably impact my parenting. At 40, there is a greater sense of peace that you are not missing out, not to mention generally more financial and emotional/relationship security and flexibility in career.

[Anonymous]

20.

I was so anxious in my twenties. I slept around too much, drank too much, and did too many drugs. With two exceptions, my girlfriends were shallow. I went to graduate school where I tied too much of my worth as a human being to my performance at school, then at work.

But once I met DH, got married, and had my children, particularly my oldest with SN, I developed a much different perspective on what makes life valuable and what it means to be a human being. I have never enjoyed anything in my life so much as I enjoy being a wife and mother. And I wish that I had made all of the major decisions in my life about my career, where I was going to live, etc, from this perspective.

[Anonymous]

20. We had our first and only at 45 and I can’t stop thinking about how much more time we could have had together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40, hands down. I was in no place to be raising a child at 20 and my 20s were some of the best and most important/formative years of my life in almost every regard. They set me up for success in the future and I had incredible experiences I never would have had with a kid in tow. I know I personally would have been VERY resentful of my situation looking at my untethered peers and it would probably impact my parenting. At 40, there is a greater sense of peace that you are not missing out, not to mention generally more financial and emotional/relationship security and flexibility in career.

+1 All of this.

[Anonymous]

I’d say 20. My mom had me at 38 and lived until I was40. Not terribly short but I wish I had her as my mom for longer. She at least lived to see her grandchildren. I had mine at 32 and 35.

[Anonymous]

No brainer 40!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40

Seems like several of the people answering 20 had their kids close to that age (early 20s). They have no idea what they missed out on. Having a life as a young adult free from the responsibility of being a parent is an amazing and formative time of life that can never be replicated.

Disagree. Most of us lived our 20s single, getting educated and climbing the corporate ladder. It was young, wild parties, travel and carefree sex. Now we are paying for it with fertility issues. Had I met my husband earlier, I would easily replace my 20s with less office time and more family time. I don’t look back fondly on those losers I dated then. Such wasted time and wasted youth. Stop looking back with rose colored glasses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20. We had our first and only at 45 and I can’t stop thinking about how much more time we could have had together.

Would have been a different egg = different kid!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40

Seems like several of the people answering 20 had their kids close to that age (early 20s). They have no idea what they missed out on. Having a life as a young adult free from the responsibility of being a parent is an amazing and formative time of life that can never be replicated.

Disagree. Most of us lived our 20s single, getting educated and climbing the corporate ladder. It was young, wild parties, travel and carefree sex. Now we are paying for it with fertility issues. Had I met my husband earlier, I would easily replace my 20s with less office time and more family time. I don’t look back fondly on those losers I dated then. Such wasted time and wasted youth. Stop looking back with rose colored glasses.

“It WASN’T young, wild...”