Getting rid of family bible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, there is no “handwriting of ancestors” except my mother, who is horrible and who DD has no relationship with.

Unless you somehow think that by destroying the Bible you are getting revenge for your mother's narcissism, I'd hang on to it and give it to your daughter. Maybe just writing here on DCUM about your "n-mother" is providing some outlet for your anger. No need to pass the anger down to the next generation.

The bible may be a symbol of it, but it is not the anger itself. That's in your mind and in your power to stop.

[Anonymous]

Recycle it
It is a literal and figurative weight you don't need to bear. Don't let it take one square inch of your home. Its not an heirloom, has no family information and is of zero sentimental value. It only serves to irk you. If it had ancestry dates I would say keep for dd. In your situation you might as well be obligated to keep every single knick knack and book if you feel guilty about one person's bible.

[Anonymous]

Is it your mom’s? Or was it something from her grabdparents or greatgrandlarents? If it was just your mom’s donate to a church with that language community, if it was handed down over generations keep it or find a cousin to give it to.

[Anonymous]

Throw it out. Throw out anything and everything possible that reminds you of or is connected to your mother.

Your child does not need mementos of an n abuser.

If daughter has things in her room already leave that up to her, but you get rid if everything you can think of that says mother to you. It will be so freeing OP. Lots of love!!!

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre. No, you let your daughter decide when she is older. But if neither of you want it, you don’t throw it out. You offer it to other family members first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is bizarre. No, you let your daughter decide when she is older. But if neither of you want it, you don’t throw it out. You offer it to other family members first.

There are no family members who speak to my mother.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if you had a special family heirloom that you wanted to pass down through the generations, but you knew that someday someone would throw it out because of a single mean/narcissistic/whatever person, how would you feel? Wouldn't you want that person to just give it to another family member, or even just put it in a closet, instead of throwing it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it your mom’s? Or was it something from her grandparents or greatgrandparents? If it was just your mom’s donate to a church with that language community, if it was handed down over generations keep it or find a cousin to give it to.

This.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It’ll make you feel better. Your daughter doesn’t need to know either way - that would be just moving the burden to her shoulders.

[Anonymous]

^pp again. When I have to get rid of something like this I sometimes accidentally drop it in the trash then just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if you had a special family heirloom that you wanted to pass down through the generations, but you knew that someday someone would throw it out because of a single mean/narcissistic/whatever person, how would you feel? Wouldn't you want that person to just give it to another family member, or even just put it in a closet, instead of throwing it out?

Such is life. And no I wouldn’t be so self centered to care. If it made the person feel better than I’d be fine with the line ending there. That’s what toxic people do to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:N mom is narcissist mom.

Her insistence that Her Precious Stuff is passed on amd treasured because it’s so valuable is something I hate. Therefore, I don’t want to keep it because it is toxic like her.

Pass it on.

Your daughter is young now (and you say doesn't care) but when she's 50 and you/your mom are long gone, it may be a treasure for her.

I wish I had something like this, even if it was from an imperfect family member.

[Anonymous]

Just an anecdote. My mother-in-law passed away in 2018 at the age of 87. When we were cleaning out her home, we found several old bibles. From information that was hand-written in the bible and from my wife's sister, we determined that one was my wife's grandmother's, and two were from older generations (one was well over 100 years old). My wife and her aunt split the three bibles with the understanding that my wife would get them when her aunt passed. My wife did mention that when she was younger, she probably wouldn't have cared, but in recent years, we've returned to the church after some years apart (when we had children, we moved and found a church that was more in line with our beliefs and we wanted our children raised in that tradition). My wife said she was glad her mother kept those bibles and she valued them, wherease in her teens, 20's and 30's, she wouldn't have cared or wanted them.

A bible is not a very large object and it doesn't take up a huge amount of storage space. I would put it on a bookshelf and check in again with your daughter when she is older or if/when she has children. Her attitude may be different than it is now. It can't hurt to hold on to it and it can definitely be an unrecoverable loss if you get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is bizarre. No, you let your daughter decide when she is older. But if neither of you want it, you don’t throw it out. You offer it to other family members first.

There are no family members who speak to my mother.

Seriously, you are taking your anger and bringing it to the next generation. Forget the Bible, stick it on a shelf somewhere and deal with it later. The best gift you can give your daughter is not to pass baggage from past generations and the best way to do that is to work with a professional to resolve your anger. It’s incredibly unhealthy and no child should have to grow-up in that atmosphere. The Bible is just a symbol of your anger and nothing more.

[Anonymous]

I would hold onto it and give it to dd when she reaches adulthood. If grandma is gone at that time and neither dd nor any other friends or family want it, she can dispose of it.

I visited my brother in a somewhat rural area this summer. I went with him to the nearby recycling facility, where there is a small warehouse that holds items that people want to get rid of, but someone else might want. There is an entire large table loaded down with bibles there. Many are just run of the mill paperback editions, but there are also massive old “family” bibles that no one wants, but no one wants to actually throw away. They seem like a millstone to me.