Is it bad to tell your kid they are annoying?

[Anonymous]

I tell my toddler she is a pain in the ass often. Not sure if it is the same. Annoying seems mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've said, "Larlo, you constant pulling on my clothes and saying my name over and over again are annoying me. If you want my attention, say my name one time and wait until I look at you."

Exactly--communicating your feelings not only tells them that their behavior is unacceptable, but models how they can tell others when their behavior is unacceptable. I have a 9-, 6-, and 3-year-old, and this has been my method for years. It seems to be successful for my kids. I teach PreK, and we teach the students how to solve problems by sharing their feelings and communicating with people who are bothering them (versus acting out). "I don't like it when you..." or "It bothers [annoys] me when you..." is textbook.

"You are annoying," "I don't like you right now," etc are completely different and horrible, hurtful things to say to a child. I'm sorry your mom said that to you, PP.

Good advice!

[Anonymous]

My husband made up these specific rules when behavior crosses the line into annoying. For example, if you tell a joke and someone laughs, it’s ok to tell the same joke again a little later. But if you tell the same person the same joke a third time, that’s annoying.
Any word or phrase repeated more than theee times is always annoying.
Being closer than one arms length when speaking to someone or asking a question is annoying.

There are more. Somehow it’s kind of funny, and you can see the kids check themselves on it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is bad and you should have chosen different word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my toddler she is a pain in the ass often. Not sure if it is the same. Annoying seems mean.

PIA is just as bad.

[Anonymous]

When my kids ask me which one of them is my favorite I tell them they’re all equally annoying. They’re older than 5 though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it is fine. Kids need to learn that they can be annoying! If you are reason resilient kids who can cope with real life and the world, they are going to be able to Handel being told that the way they are acting annoys you.

Agree

[Anonymous]

No it isn’t. Letting your kid know their BEHAVIOR is annoying is a great way to instill self awareness.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until they find you annoying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to say “you’re being annoying” or “that’s annoying” rather than “you’re annoying”. Small distinctions, and still probably not ideal, but I don’t think it’s so bad for kids to be made aware when their behavior is having a negative effect on others.

Same, and I say it as a last resort. After much “please stop”, “can you not do that please?”, “please don’t do that, it’s distracting”, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my children their behavior is annoying.

Same. Point out that the specific behavior is annoying not that they are overall annoying.