What is your 14 year old son like?

[Anonymous]

Mine does not yet "cave" in his room. His older sister did this right around puberty onset but has recently emerged from her cave. This chain reminds me that when my oldest got this age, I declared that I could no longer host houseguests during the school week. My in-laws used to like to pop in on random Sunday -Thursday visits that were full of judgment of my teens/tweens who were stressed out and moody during a busy week. It is generally no fun to raise teens under a microscope. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for everyone's perspectives. I wish my DS could do more after school activities but he needs the after school time to get his homework done before his meds wear off. Once they wear off, he is pretty much a mess mentally. He cannot concentrate long enough to get much done. So he has to come home pretty much right after school so there is not much socializing in person during the week. When it wasn't dark by 5pm, we would take our dog for a walk after dinner. Now neither one of us wants to do that in the cold and dark. I was thinking of maybe doing a game after dinner with him just for some more interaction.

pp here- mentioned that my DS13 is also taking ADHD medication. I hear you about the homework. On the weekends and light homework nights, I take DS over to a local climbing gym- we joined and he gets great exercise. It works because we can go on our schedule. DS takes music lessons, but it's right after school and on a study hall day, so most of his homework is done. He does a math team before school a few days a week- that was a good compromise for an in school activity. I don't know if any of this works for you, but just some thoughts.
Also, I will occasionally make DS "help" with cooking. He can make a few meals on his own now and knows kitchen safety and some basic cooking (just another idea).
Yes, he would be on his devices 24/7 if I didn't limit it. I'm sure the ADHD plays a role in that, but I know many families with typical children who struggle with devices. The nice thing is that my DS is so immature, he has no interest at all in social media or anything too grown up (although we do have parental controls). He's still playing Clash of Clans.

[Anonymous]

PP- Cooking is a great idea. I am a terrible cook but maybe we can just watch some videos together and laugh about it while attempting the recipe. He does belong to a cyber security club which is twice a week after school. They have "competitions" every few weeks too but they are on Friday nights so no homework to get in the way. He loves it. He has never liked team sports and always did individual ones when he was younger but this cyber security club is team based. He is social pretty much every day after school ends and before I can pick him up. He either hangs out at school in the cafeteria with friends or they go across the street to Panera. So I feel like he is getting enough friend time during the week but I also have to try to get him to do more face to face friend things on the weekends. It's hard because I don't have any extra $$ (single parent and teacher) and he is kind of past the age for play dates.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only thing I thing I think you could try to do differently would be to place more limits on gaming/devices. We have done this with my DS (age 13) and even though it can start a fight, he gets it now that we won't allow it...So, in the end, he comes out of his shell and spends more quality time with us (and visiting grandparents, etc). He will initiate board games or card games or a family movie. If we let him, he would indeed stay glued/addicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP- Cooking is a great idea. I am a terrible cook but maybe we can just watch some videos together and laugh about it while attempting the recipe. He does belong to a cyber security club which is twice a week after school. They have "competitions" every few weeks too but they are on Friday nights so no homework to get in the way. He loves it. He has never liked team sports and always did individual ones when he was younger but this cyber security club is team based. He is social pretty much every day after school ends and before I can pick him up. He either hangs out at school in the cafeteria with friends or they go across the street to Panera. So I feel like he is getting enough friend time during the week but I also have to try to get him to do more face to face friend things on the weekends. It's hard because I don't have any extra $$ (single parent and teacher) and he is kind of past the age for play dates.

OP-- pp here. DS and I watch a tv show together- funny, but kind of a "thing" that we do. We used to watch the Discovery reality tv, but lately we've gotten into shows like Arrow and The Flash. With the med wear off and crazies, DS gets in pjs and we sometimes get tv treats (TJs popcorn and candy for us) and we watch on my laptop (I have a huge king sized bed). Then he heads off to his room and goes to sleep. We can only manage it about once per week now with homework and schedules, but we still try to make time. It kind of helps with the screen because he's still getting his "time" but it's social.

Yes, a lot of ADHDers like to cook--and if you're patient, it's pretty good for teaching more executive functioning skills.

[Anonymous]

Sounds pretty typical to me. We make DS interact with visitors for some time, but other than that, he pretty much plays video games in his room. Somehow, he manages to do most of his homework on the weekends. I am sure he does the bare minimum, but his grades are good, so it's hard to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds pretty typical to me. We make DS interact with visitors for some time, but other than that, he pretty much plays video games in his room. Somehow, he manages to do most of his homework on the weekends. I am sure he does the bare minimum, but his grades are good, so it's hard to complain.

Public school? My DS used to do this in public school and got good grades. Once he switched to private school, the bare minimum means he is a C or below.