How many twins here?

[Anonymous]

I know this is a really old thread but I thought I would add my two cents. I am a mother of 1 year old boy/girl twins. We used SG, I am under 35, first IVF cycle, male factor infertility, we transferred two 6 day blasts and both took. SG actually is strongly pushing their eSET agenda if you fit their criteria. Throughout our whole IVF cycle process they spoke to us regarding eSET and were pretty clear that was the process they would choose to use in our case. My husband and I frankly and naively thought we would want them to put two back because higher chances of at least one taking (even though they had gone over the eSET findings with us many times) and hey if we got two, it would be two for the price of one (we weren't doing shared risk program). Well we get to the end and the embryos are growing/splitting etc. and they decide we will do a day five transfer. We are literally headed to Rockville on the morning of day five and we get a call that says nevermind, we are going to do it tomorrow. (I never did find out why they decided to do a day 6 transfer) So we go in the next day and they completely change there mind and tell us they recommend transferring two blasts. We go with it and here we are with two babies I absolutely adore. Clearly something changed in the way the eggs were continuing to grow or something but it assures me that SG wants the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

Now, do I regret having twins, NO! Has this past year been one of the most difficult years of my life and marriage, YES! We have a strong marriage but taking care of two babies at the same time is incredibly difficult. (One of the remarks we most often get when we are out and about with the twins is from other twin parents who just say, "It gets easier") Not to mention the fact, that as a previous poster mentioned, you really do feel guilty that each child does not get as much attention as a singleton would. I remember remarking several times that I felt sorry for infant multiples because they don't really get the same amount of attention, and at that point they aren't really receiving any significant benefit from the other twin or higher order multiple. Now my kids are definitely benefitting from each others company though so seems to even out over time.

If I could go back and have no memory of the two babies I currently have (they are the most wonderful babies ever) but still somehow retain my memory of the work involved, I do not think I would not choose to do it again! Also, one more thing to keep in mind, beyond all the physical health risks to mom and babies, is the mental health risk to mom. Post Partum Depression is most likely to occur in older women, mothers of multiples, and conception through IVF. If you fit one of these categories then you have a higher than normal occurrence but when you are looking at fitting all three categories it is fairly likely you will suffer some sort of PPD, possibly requiring medication.

Lastly, never believe a parent of kids 13 months apart when they say twins would have been easier. They do not really have a way to compare it and by that I am not saying that it may not be true (my sister had kids about that close together and it was really hard for her) but just as I can't really compare my experiences to theirs they can't compare to ours.

[Anonymous]

Oops, I am the above poster and I meant to say that if I didn't have a memory of my wonderful babies, but still remembered the work, I don't think I would choose to transfer two day 6 blasts.

[Anonymous]

Fertility treatment is all about playing the percentages and hoping for the outcome you want. I am 40, with high fsh and had 3 failed IUIs so I finally decided to give IVF one try. No doctor would ever recommend that I only transfer just one back. I was shocked that a number of my embryos were able to make it to blast stage and we put 2 good quality blasts back. Just found out last week that it's twins. I had a strong feeling that it was going to be 0 or 2, not the 1 we were really hoping for. It's still very early in my pregnancy, so I know that both might not make it, but I am scared of the medical complications of having a twin pregnancy and the real possibility of having infants with significant medical problems.

[Anonymous]

I'm under 35 and pregnant with twins following 1 grade 2 blast transfer and one morula transfer on day 5. The RE gave me small odds for having twins so we decided to go for it. I think its hard to go through life saying saying "if I had known, or if I could do it again.." couldn't the same be said for marriage, career, friends, etc? I have been told time and time again by my friends with 2+ kids that twins seem like a better option to them than having 2 kids back to back. For one, you aren't pregnant for almost 2 years!

People need to understand that while risky, that probably things will work out just fine. The avg twin gestation is 37 weeks. I just have to think if I didn't do IVF and happened to be super fertile and just get pregnant would twins, would I regret it then? or not want the two babies because "what if" I only could have been pregnant with one? I feel like people regret and think what if just because they had a choice with IVF. But honestly, I am happier right now being pregnant after 3 years of trying than if I had to go through another grueling round of IVF. I think if you go talk to more twin moms you will hear more positive than negative experiences about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm 33 and pregnant with twins. Tried for 4 years before I got pregnant. Just as PP said, even with the complications and risks, I'd rather be pregnant with 2 rather than none. I've also talked to and seen first hand life with twins, 3 friends with twins and 2 of my aunts had twins. I'm not scared nor do I regret it. Transferring 1 or 2 is a personal decision and everyone's situation is unique. No need to blame fertility docs for the uptick in twin births, most reputable places explain the risks and make you sign so many consent forms. If you get twins and then have buyer's remorse, you have no one to blame other than yourself.

[Anonymous]

After having 4 failed IVF's, 4 failed IUI's, and 4 years of TTC from 26-30 years of age.....we are having triplets. I know it will be hard, but I have been beyond thankful since that first U/S! It's not the road for everyone. I realize that. Starting a family is a huge priority and I'll never have to be "infertile" again. Cheers to multiples!!!

[Anonymous]

I am a MoM of one year old b/g twins. I got pg after 3 rounds of IVF, the first of which ended at 13 weeks because of T18 (singleton). Because of my age (over 40) we were on a transfer all protocol...so we transferred 6 blasts, each IVF. We were stunned (but happy) when we found out that it was going to be genetically healthy twins.

I couldn't see our life any other way...but there were some key aspects to this whole journey. As soon as we found out it was twins, we changed our lives. Everything was focused on getting us to 37 weeks. EVERYTHING. And my husband was on board from day 1. I was lucky, my body cooperated, and we made it to 37 weeks.

Now, it is tough, and as a pp post said...other parents of Multiples just look at us and say, "it gets easier". While trying to embrace every moment with happiness, I do pray for the day that it gets easier...it is difficult, and I have quite a bit of help.

I have a deep concern for those that 'hope' for twins, or want multiples because they think they are 'cute'. It is a very difficult road. And can't be entered into lightly.

But I agree with pps who talk about years of infertility and failed ART. If you go through all the interventions, and live the heartache of many failed IVFs and losses of pg, well...you embrace what you are blessed with.

So many pros and cons...but certainly NOTHING that can be entered into lightly.

[Anonymous]

new poster here. we have 3 year old IVF twins after trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years. While i LOVE each of my children and I having twins is now an intrinsic part of who I am I can say honestly that I would never chose to have twins again (should the clock be reset). I have a singleton now (child number 3) and the difference between my experience the first year with the twins and this time is night and day. With the twins, while there were overwhelming moments of joy and cuteness they were always overshadowed by lots of chaos and sleepless nights and screaming babies. Now with one infant, I'm able to sit and just watch my child. I'm actually able to just play with my infant. It makes me sad to realize how much was just a blur the first time around and honestly how much I missed.
If I could do it again and could chose, I would have had children back to back. It's not something I spend time lamenting and I wouldn't trade in one of my children for a zillion, million dollars but I will say it's been a rough road at times. About 100 times more difficult than having a singleton has proven to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
new poster here. we have 3 year old IVF twins after trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years. While i LOVE each of my children and I having twins is now an intrinsic part of who I am I can say honestly that I would never chose to have twins again (should the clock be reset). I have a singleton now (child number 3) and the difference between my experience the first year with the twins and this time is night and day. With the twins, while there were overwhelming moments of joy and cuteness they were always overshadowed by lots of chaos and sleepless nights and screaming babies. Now with one infant, I'm able to sit and just watch my child. I'm actually able to just play with my infant. It makes me sad to realize how much was just a blur the first time around and honestly how much I missed.
If I could do it again and could chose, I would have had children back to back. It's not something I spend time lamenting and I wouldn't trade in one of my children for a zillion, million dollars but I will say it's been a rough road at times. About 100 times more difficult than having a singleton has proven to be.

It's not just that a singleton is easier though. If you had had a singleton and then another singleton, I think you would have still been amazed at how much easier it was the second time around and how much more you were able to enjoy the second babyhood.

[Anonymous]

Very true, PP. Or, some moms I know feel like they don't enjoy #2 as much b/c they are still so busy w/#1. When you are home alone with that 1st baby I'm sure you have time to just sit and enjoy them...Add two whether it be twins or two close in age and I bet you have similar experiences. I think it is too hard to say for sure how you would feel in someone else's shoes, the grass is always greener...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
new poster here. we have 3 year old IVF twins after trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years. While i LOVE each of my children and I having twins is now an intrinsic part of who I am I can say honestly that I would never chose to have twins again (should the clock be reset). I have a singleton now (child number 3) and the difference between my experience the first year with the twins and this time is night and day. With the twins, while there were overwhelming moments of joy and cuteness they were always overshadowed by lots of chaos and sleepless nights and screaming babies. Now with one infant, I'm able to sit and just watch my child. I'm actually able to just play with my infant. It makes me sad to realize how much was just a blur the first time around and honestly how much I missed.
If I could do it again and could chose, I would have had children back to back. It's not something I spend time lamenting and I wouldn't trade in one of my children for a zillion, million dollars but I will say it's been a rough road at times. About 100 times more difficult than having a singleton has proven to be.

It's not just that a singleton is easier though. If you had had a singleton and then another singleton, I think you would have still been amazed at how much easier it was the second time around and how much more you were able to enjoy the second babyhood.

poster with twins and then a singleton here. sure, there is something to be said for how any second baby (or babies) will be easier than the first. But this is night and day. It (for ME) is so, so, SO much easier. With the twins, I was up at night with one, than the other, than the first. All night long for weeks at a time during those first months. With one baby, I feed the baby and then get to sleep. Even if the baby gets up 2-3 times a night (now 5 months old) I still get far more sleep than I did at any point during the first 6 months of my twins' lives.

And that is just the sleep issue. There are a million other ways in which having a singleton has been far easier than having twins. Plus there are the somewhat intangible ways in which I have enjoyed it. I can spend hours gazing into my infant's eyes (when my twins are in preschool) and I don't feel guilty because there is another baby who is being ignored. I love the one-on-one mommy and baby time I'm having with this baby. With the twins, I felt like neither one ever got my full attention. Heck, I rarely even looked at one in the eyes for longer than a minute because there was always another set of eyes trying to get me to respond back.

Now there is without a doubt a certain incredible joy that comes from being overwhelmed by little faces (that you adore) looking up at your for attention. But I (maybe it's just my personality) found it really hard to never be able to give my infant/toddler my full attention. I have 3 kids now so it's not like my focus isn't frequently elsewhere. But it isn't as constantly diverted as it was when I had 2 kids at the exact same (and very needy) developmental stage.

I don't think I'm alone in these thoughts. I'm an active member of a twin mom group and prior to the birth of my singleton I think I had 20 different moms of twins (who later had a singleton) tell me how incredibly, awesomely easy and just plain FUN having a singleton would be after having had twins.

[Anonymous]

PP here who started this thread back up. Let me clarify, everyone of the above posts is exactly right. I am exceptionally glad that IVF worked for us because we have no other option. If it hadn't worked the first time, we would have tried again, and I thank God every day that I have children at all. I don't lament or regret or wish I could actually change the decisions we made or our beautiful two babies. I just meant to say that knowing what I know now about how hard it is, and the diverted attention between two children of the exact same age, I would probably not make the same choice but only and absolutely only if in some weird way I didn't remember these two wonderful children. I would never change my decision if I still knew the joy of both of these loving babies.

[Anonymous]

I know this is an old thread but found it very helpful. We are in the middle of our first IVF cycle and if all goes well will need to decide on transferring 1 or 2 embryos. We go back and forth everyday. I see all the pro's and con's listed above.
The other issue for us is that we have two sets of close friends that both have twins. Both concieved spontaneously. They often make comments about how they're twins were spontaneous and they're quick to point it out when people ask. I know they are not trying to make me feel bad but it does. Is that weird?

[Anonymous]

Hi PP,

There are huge advantages to twins and huge disadvantages. For some people, the pluses (you're only pregnant once, instant family, the twin bond, the ease of 2 kids in the same stage of life) are much stronger than the disadvantages (the incredibly hard work, the difficult pregnancy, the health risks, the possible NICU time, the financial strain, etc), and vice versa. What I've learned is that everyone's experience with twins ranges dramatically. While most people with twins would agree that it's damn hard work, some absolutely love it and roll with the challenges, others seem to be really bitter about the amount of work involved. I have twins and am in the former camp - I'm so glad that I had them, and while I might have preferred to have them one at a time, now that they're here, I focus on the positives and feel very lucky all in all.

As for the people who conceived twins spontaneously and talk about it - I can understand this. While my twins were not spontaneous, I think people with spontaneous twins feel justifiably proud about it - it is a relatively unusual event, and I think it's a pretty cool event. Also, people with twins in their family are often proud of this legacy, and I can understand them wanting to kind of boast about it. Nationwide, most twins are "natural" but in the DC area, where fertility treatments are all the rage, I think there are slightly more fertility treatment twins. So the twin moms I've met who had spontaneous twins tend to make sure people know it. I don't really blame them. I would too. Before fertility treatments, having twins was an unusual event that most people considered blessed.

Good luck to you. Take the risks associated with twins very, very, very seriously. It is not to be embarked upon lightly. With that said, if you do conceive twins, don't dwell on the risks. Many women have healthy pregnancies and healthy twins. Listen to their stories too. And don't get caught up on the whole "spontaneous" vs "IVF" twins - it is not a big deal and in a few years you won't care, if you end up having twins.

[Anonymous]

I have wonderful 3 year old twins conceived through IVF. Our RE recommended transferring 3 emrbyos - it was our second IVF - the 1st failed and we had one failed frozen transfer. My pregnancy and the babies' premature birth were awful - other than the fact we have healthy twins now. We have had a lot of therapy - physical therapy and speech - don't know why - probably relating to prematurity. The twins have always loved each other so much. From about 6 months they have gotten such a kick out of each other. We have an older singleton and in some ways things with the twins were easier - I knew how to breastfeed and my standards were lower for the house and homemade baby food. While they were in the NICU, I was able to sleep well so there was less exhaustion. They had a buddy at daycare when they started at 8 months so we didn't have the terrible separation issues. My husband bonded with them in a way that I think I inadvertantly prevented with our older son because I hogged him. I would not trade a minute of what I have experienced, but I would advise women under 35 not to transfer 3 emrbyos. I do not think I could have carried triplets for long enough for them to be viable. I can't imagine caring for triplets.