Do you have family living nearby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is it like to have your family living nearby as part of your "village"? Do you have a lot of support? What does that look like?

We live across the coast from our family so I'm just wondering how the other half lives.

We do, but they don't help with child rearing--we have hired our own child care:
1) my mom is too frail and not fair to expect her to run after small children
2) my brother and his wife have 4 kids so would never expect them to watch my children
3) my in-laws watch their other grandkids, plus they're not very reliable.

We get together for dinners occasionally, but we've created our own "village".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drama. Absolutely no help, even in an emergency.

Same here, sadly.

+1 We are taking care of my mom and my father is no longer alive. I really get irritated when people think that being near family automatically translates into guaranteed help. that's a very privileged way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drama. Absolutely no help, even in an emergency.

Same here, sadly.

+1 We are taking care of my mom and my father is no longer alive. I really get irritated when people think that being near family automatically translates into guaranteed help. that's a very privileged way of thinking.

Agree. Both sides of the family live within 20 minutes of us, and they’re not that helpful. Just this week my husband received a life-changing medical diagnosis (it involves brain surgery) and my parents (who know about this) decided they were too busy to come over and hang with the kids for a bit so my husband and I could catch our breath before having to face down functioning during the work week. They are retired, so I’m not sure what is keeping them so busy.

[Anonymous]

No and thank God for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drama. Absolutely no help, even in an emergency.

Same here, sadly.

+1 We are taking care of my mom and my father is no longer alive. I really get irritated when people think that being near family automatically translates into guaranteed help. that's a very privileged way of thinking.

Agree. Both sides of the family live within 20 minutes of us, and they’re not that helpful. Just this week my husband received a life-changing medical diagnosis (it involves brain surgery) and my parents (who know about this) decided they were too busy to come over and hang with the kids for a bit so my husband and I could catch our breath before having to face down functioning during the work week. They are retired, so I’m not sure what is keeping them so busy.

I'm the poster that you just replied to. So sorrry--I get it. Wish we knew each other IRL

[Anonymous]

My parents live 10 minutes away, and it's a weird day if my kids and I don't see them. Today they took the kids because I'm sick and can hardly get out of bed, and DH is out of town. They are the best things in my and my kids' lives.

[Anonymous]

I love my mom, but couldn’t bear seeing her every day! Kudos to you, PP.

[Anonymous]

My in laws live 10 minutes away. They became more actively involved in the last couple of years. They host overnights a couple times per month. The live in their vacation home for the summer and several weeks in the spring and fall. It is a great help on occasion but they are older and often have doctor appointments or illness so we don't use them for backup care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 10 minutes away, and it's a weird day if my kids and I don't see them. Today they took the kids because I'm sick and can hardly get out of bed, and DH is out of town. They are the best things in my and my kids' lives.

Its fine to be close to your family. But I do not have respect for adults who never cut the apron strings and still require major involvement from their parents to function. I don’t have respect for the parents’ enabling them either. Being sick is one thing, but what you describe sounds unhealthily codependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drama. Absolutely no help, even in an emergency.

Same here, sadly.

+1 We are taking care of my mom and my father is no longer alive. I really get irritated when people think that being near family automatically translates into guaranteed help. that's a very privileged way of thinking.

Agree. Both sides of the family live within 20 minutes of us, and they’re not that helpful. Just this week my husband received a life-changing medical diagnosis (it involves brain surgery) and my parents (who know about this) decided they were too busy to come over and hang with the kids for a bit so my husband and I could catch our breath before having to face down functioning during the work week. They are retired, so I’m not sure what is keeping them so busy.

I'm the poster that you just replied to. So sorrry--I get it. Wish we knew each other IRL

DP in the same situation, and hugs to you both, especially to the PP whose husband is sick. I'm so sorry. We'd help you out in a heartbeat!

And, yeah, the number have times people have said to me, "oh, but you have family local" and I have to sit on my hands to keep from slapping them... I've started to respond with a short laugh and, "you assume that they're helpful." That usually shuts them up.

[Anonymous]

My parents live 25-30 minutes away but we don’t get tons of extra help or anything. My dad has Parkinson’s and while having that he also had mouth cancer which is now gone but still affects his eating, needs a feeding tube, etc so I try to help them instead of trying to figure out how they can help us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 10 minutes away, and it's a weird day if my kids and I don't see them. Today they took the kids because I'm sick and can hardly get out of bed, and DH is out of town. They are the best things in my and my kids' lives.

Its fine to be close to your family. But I do not have respect for adults who never cut the apron strings and still require major involvement from their parents to function. I don’t have respect for the parents’ enabling them either. Being sick is one thing, but what you describe sounds unhealthily codependent.

+1 I get particularly irritated when the grandparents are in the best shape, yet are expected to watch the kids and/or grandparents watch the kids and the parents complain about the way the grandparents are taking care of the kids. Um, the childcare is free. If you don't like it, pay for someone who will be held accountable to you.

[Anonymous]

We don't have family nearby but some of the friends in our village do. The funny thing is, only one of them ever actually relies on her family for anything. The rest of them spend time together but it's friends who help out in a pinch. It's like most of their families want to be there for the fun or special stuff or to be hosted but not to actually be a regular or reliable part of their lives.