Leaving child overnight with one parent on med

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had to care for my infant and toddler children when DH was out of town and I was on medication that knocked me out. It’s not ideal, but it’s doable. You know the part when you said he can wake up in an emergency? That happens a little more easily when you’re solo parenting. The adrenaline kicks in and you become functional. If the child isn’t sick and you’re not leaving frequently, I wouldn’t worry much.

+1. Just for an overnight? Worst case scenario sounds like DH comes into their room and falls asleep next to them. Or snaps if they keep pushing him. I too have snapped at a child in the middle of the night. It isn't the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When they're reliably verbal and can articulate if there's something that's really wrong with them, so that your husband can snap into his emergency mode. Emergency mode won't work if he's too impaired to observe, the child also has to help him.

It's not about whining and fussing, OP. It's about real life and death emergencies, starting with fire.

OP says he can get up in an emergency. And implies he'll wake up if baby is crying to change its diaper. That is not, 'burned alive in a fire' incapacitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rocking for hours frankly doesn't sound like a good idea even when sick.

Are you kidding?

NP I don't think I've ever rocked any of my kids to sleep for hours, sick or not. Especially, not a toddler.

I did. So, why do you PPs think it's bad to rock a sick baby? I'm honestly baffled.

I'm pretty cold hearted when it comes to long rocking stretches with toddlers but even I have rocked a sick child for a few hours and/or brought her into bed. That is when they need you.

[Anonymous]

What's the medication, OP?

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming he feels like I feel after I take Tylenol PM. So sedated and out of it, but able to snap-to if adrenaline kicks in. If so, I wouldn't worry. Being left in a crib crying -- even if sick -- is not actually going to harm a child; particularly if DH comes into the room, pats him on the head, tells him it's OK and then goes back to sleep in the chair nearby.

FWIW, most kids adapt very well to rules that apply in specific circumstances. Our 4 and 2 year olds are decent, but not amazing sleepers. 4 year old will sometimes keep calling for water, to be tucked in, she's scared, etc if it takes her awhile to fall asleep (usually if she actually fell asleep during school nap time). 2 year old will occasionally wake up crying/wanting milk between 4 and 5. Both kids will occasionally get up and come into our room too early in the AM -- like 6 or so. On the days when DH works overnight, I tell them that it's just me, I have the baby (4 months) and that they will get a treat with breakfast if they stay in their room until it's light out the next morning. When DH is home, they call for us/come into our room 1/2-3 nights. When DH is working/they get this speech, 4 year old almost never does (very occasional night terror that we ignore/she goes back to sleep; clearly not a conscious thing) and 2 year old does maybe 1/7-8 nights (and again, usually the milk wakeup, so a less conscious/thought out thing).

In other words, you can likely prep your kids for DH being home alone so that they know the deal and to make it incredibly unusual that they will need him.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the thoughts. To answer some of the Qs

1) I currently have a 2yo and newborn and when i'm back at work travel occasionally. The 2yo is a great sleeper except when he's sick and then he's miserable and just wants to be held for hours. If it makes him feel better, that's what i'm going to do - some kids need physical comfort and others don't

2) By snap I mean say something harsh like "go the f to sleep"if they'd been crying for a long time and potentially leaving them in their crib after making sure there wasn't vomit or something, I have no concerns that DH would physically hurt the kids - just not be able to provide them with hours of comfort if say they got the stomach flu in the middle of the night

3) The medication is a tranquilizer to control severe anxiety that manifested itself as early morning panic attacks. He found this one which works beautifully (in conjunction with other drugs) after trying many other treatments. Neither of us think its in the best interest of our family to start messing with his medications which pretty much fully eliminate his anxiety

With a newborn I'm obviously not going anywhere soon but it sounds like maybe 4 or so might be the right age eventually - when the kids could communicate more and don't necessarily need as much physical comfort when sick. Before that I can see leaving them for one night with everyone healthy but for longer trips would likely at least want someone that could come stay the nights if someone got sick - even just for my peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. I would be okay with it. Both sttn and I can't remember the last time they woke us up needing anything. And if they did wake up, they cry a few minutes and settle themselves, nbd.

But if I were very worried, you can set a notification on the baby monitor (mine is Arlo, but Nest does this too) to alert me if the kids are crying. It would send me a text message and I could wake DH up or check on them over the app myself.

+1. My child also rarely needs anything overnight. And the odds of a freak fire or something happening overnight while you just so happen to be gone are pretty slim imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. I would be okay with it. Both sttn and I can't remember the last time they woke us up needing anything. And if they did wake up, they cry a few minutes and settle themselves, nbd.

But if I were very worried, you can set a notification on the baby monitor (mine is Arlo, but Nest does this too) to alert me if the kids are crying. It would send me a text message and I could wake DH up or check on them over the app myself.

+1. My child also rarely needs anything overnight. And the odds of a freak fire or something happening overnight while you just so happen to be gone are pretty slim imo.

Just curious - what do your kids do when they're sick with say a bad cold or something? I assumed all babies / young toddlers cried at night when they felt like shit and didn't understand it but i guess not!

[Anonymous]

I’m very clearly in the minority but I would be ok with leaving the baby. It sounds like DH will function if he needs to. Worse case is baby gets sick and gets suboptimal comforting. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. I would be okay with it. Both sttn and I can't remember the last time they woke us up needing anything. And if they did wake up, they cry a few minutes and settle themselves, nbd.

But if I were very worried, you can set a notification on the baby monitor (mine is Arlo, but Nest does this too) to alert me if the kids are crying. It would send me a text message and I could wake DH up or check on them over the app myself.

+1. My child also rarely needs anything overnight. And the odds of a freak fire or something happening overnight while you just so happen to be gone are pretty slim imo.

Just curious - what do your kids do when they're sick with say a bad cold or something? I assumed all babies / young toddlers cried at night when they felt like shit and didn't understand it but i guess not!

Neither of mine do. And if they do cry I wait a few minutes and 99.9% of the time they’ve settled. I sleep like the dead so I assume that’s why they’re good sleepers

[Anonymous]

Given the situation I would not leave them alone till 7-8. Given he's on a heavy medication, thats not safe for them or for him in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Basically when the kid is old enough to call 911, deal with a fire, and not soil themselves. Although I would also be concerned about an older kid who might be vomiting and need care. You don’t want a kid to be alone with a super high fever or bad stomach bug.

[Anonymous]

OP, only you know the answer. There is a reason you asked the question. Trust your instincts. It sounds to me like the answer is "I don't know exactly at what age it will be ok, but it won't be any time soon."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. I would be okay with it. Both sttn and I can't remember the last time they woke us up needing anything. And if they did wake up, they cry a few minutes and settle themselves, nbd.

But if I were very worried, you can set a notification on the baby monitor (mine is Arlo, but Nest does this too) to alert me if the kids are crying. It would send me a text message and I could wake DH up or check on them over the app myself.

+1. My child also rarely needs anything overnight. And the odds of a freak fire or something happening overnight while you just so happen to be gone are pretty slim imo.

Just curious - what do your kids do when they're sick with say a bad cold or something? I assumed all babies / young toddlers cried at night when they felt like shit and didn't understand it but i guess not!

Neither of my kids (8 and 3) has called for us in the night outside of vomit since they started sleeping through the night. And we’ve had night vomit maybe 6 times between the two of them thus far. That might even be a high guess. The little one has only been sick at night once so far.

So I would leave my kids at this age. Probably not before the youngest was 3 though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had to care for my infant and toddler children when DH was out of town and I was on medication that knocked me out. It’s not ideal, but it’s doable. You know the part when you said he can wake up in an emergency? That happens a little more easily when you’re solo parenting. The adrenaline kicks in and you become functional. If the child isn’t sick and you’re not leaving frequently, I wouldn’t worry much.

+1. Just for an overnight? Worst case scenario sounds like DH comes into their room and falls asleep next to them. Or snaps if they keep pushing him. I too have snapped at a child in the middle of the night. It isn't the end of the world.

+1 It will be okay.