This parenting moment: help me assess

[Anonymous]

In general I enjoy my job, My employer PAYS me to go to work, pand I *still* feel like whining about it some days, especially if I e just had an extra day off, or whatever. If it wasn’t transactional, I probably would rather stay home too!

[Anonymous]

If you feel badly about your outburst, you are doing fine. I’ve said MUCH worse to my kids (and sometimes not even felt badly afterwards)!

[Anonymous]

OP back. I sat down and talked to DD this morning. I explained that I was frustrated the other day and while going to school was her job, mine was taking care of our house and finances (I phrased this appropriately for her age). I apologized for snapping at her and told her I loved her, and that sometimes parents lose their cool too. I think she got it.

There were good insights in this thread and even some of the harsher critiques gave me food for thought. I vacillate between feeling like I overindulge her (i.e. private school that yes, I an afford, but is expensive) and wanting to be a "rub some dirt on it" kind of parent. She's only 6 and I realize this can create emotional whiplash for her. Ultimately, nothing is more important to me than raising her in a way that makes her feel happy and safe, while allowing her to take chances and become the best version of herself. Single parenting is easier with resources, but not being able to run this stuff by a partner is tough sometimes. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good conversation with your daughter, OP!

[Anonymous]

Actually, I like that you just nipped it in the bud. The money part will go right over her head anyway the main message was stop whining, enough. I wish I did that a little more. Another single mom here. Just wait for the teenage years. Better to nip the whining now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband and his mom.

His mom sacrificed to send him to private and he never appreciated it. Why? He thinks it was a foolish financial decision. His mom’s retirement was delayed for years because of it. He could have been sent to a solid local school.

NP here. What age did your DH come to this conclusion? I think age 6 would be early for that.

OP I expected you to say that your DD had been playing with neighborhood kids during the snow days, and that she was asking to leave her private, so she could go to school with them. I do think a lot of elementary kids hit a wall in March, April or May. They're tired.

In his 30s when he decided on public his own kids and realized that just like us, his family had a good neighborhood school their taxes dollars went to and they should have used. His parents complain about retirement money but spent close to a million educating two children and this was years ago. It simply isn’t a good decision to send your kids to private unless you’re insanely wealthy or your children truly can’t receive a decent education from their public school.

We’re a public school family but you and your DH sound unkind and ungrateful. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband and his mom.

His mom sacrificed to send him to private and he never appreciated it. Why? He thinks it was a foolish financial decision. His mom’s retirement was delayed for years because of it. He could have been sent to a solid local school.

NP here. What age did your DH come to this conclusion? I think age 6 would be early for that.

OP I expected you to say that your DD had been playing with neighborhood kids during the snow days, and that she was asking to leave her private, so she could go to school with them. I do think a lot of elementary kids hit a wall in March, April or May. They're tired.

In his 30s when he decided on public his own kids and realized that just like us, his family had a good neighborhood school their taxes dollars went to and they should have used. His parents complain about retirement money but spent close to a million educating two children and this was years ago. It simply isn’t a good decision to send your kids to private unless you’re insanely wealthy or your children truly can’t receive a decent education from their public school.

We’re a public school family but you and your DH sound unkind and ungrateful. Jesus.

Yeah, yikes. They wanted the best for DH. Yes, it was their decision, but they made it in his best interest. He doesn't need to think it's the best decision ever, he just needs to be grateful for their sacrifices. And maybe treat them to a nice dinner out now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6 yo DD goes to a private school in our neighborhood. She has lots of friends, the teachers always have positive things to say about her, she's doing well academically, etc. Ever since we had all those snow days in January however, every morning I am asked "do I have to go to school today?". And when I say "yes", she pouts. Eventually I can redirect her but I find it frustrating for lots of reasons, not the least of which is that the tuition is a significant portion of my salary as a single parent. I'm happy to budget for it but to say it's a bite is accurate. In addition, when I see her at school (I'm a room parent) she's having a blast. There have literally been no issues I'm aware of and it seems like a good fit.

Anyway I picked her up today and we went through the same song and dance ("mom do I have school tomorrow?" "Yes honey, tomorrow is Tuesday"....Cue the whining). Today I had it. I stopped the car and said: "Enough. I will not listen to you complaining about school every day. Unless there is something going on at school, someone hurting you, making you uncomfortable, or another reason you don't want to go, you will not complain about your daily responsibilities. That school costs me a boatload of money and if there's a problem, let's discuss it. If not, that's the last time I want to hear you whine about school".

In retrospect I feel badly..she should not have to listen to me vent about tuition. But the whining just pushed me over the edge today. Was this an awful parenting moment?

My opinion on this is a little different . . . I think your impulse to check entitlement is warranted. Yes, you should not mention it in the context of "I spend a lot of money, therefore I shouldn't hear from you any more." But I don't think it's too young for her to know that school is a privilege. The way we address this is to mention that there are a lot of kids around the world who can't afford to go to school, and who have to stay home and work or even work in factories, farms, etc. We let our child know that his school costs money and that we are working in part for him to have the benefit of an education. Education means being able to learn and contribute to society through a job later on. Also, we generally empathize first (although we have our share of our cranky parenting moments, too). Don't worry about it -- it sounds as if your daughter gets so much from you. Tomorrow is another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's at this school for your wishes and not her needs. I would ask her if she is happy at school and let her know at any time she can change to the public school if she's not happy. We do the opposite for our child as we'd like her in private as she did better in private but she wants to remain at school. We are clear any time she's not happy, tell us and she can switch. She knows our preference and we respect her choice.. At that age they can choose.

At 6 (SIX!) they can choose not to go to the school that you, as the parent, assets they "did better in"? That is insane.