Incapable H goes deep in debt for new business, screws it up, ignores my help -at the end of my wits

[Anonymous]

You should talk to a lawyer because you could be on the hook for his business debts and for alimony, so I think you need professional advice on the best way to proceed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your input, everybody.

I don't think that H has ADHD. He has simply been always this removed from reality concerning practical things.

He is adamant about having his own business. He says that he cannot go back to working for others.

I hope so much that in a year he will be able hire someone to do the work that I am doing, which is basically the entire management and administration. It is hard to work for somebody who doesn't want me to do that work.

And I also hope that I will find the mental strength to deal with him during the coming year until I can get out.

That's part of ADHD. It's "magical thinking". It's wanting to have a very successful business and dreaming of it and starting down the path but when it actually starts to become real than abandoning it for something else. The mundaness of hard work is tough for those with ADHD. They need the thrill and chaos of new and exciting.

[Anonymous]

As a startup business advisor I always recommend that businesses do a business plan and all parties agree to it or at least agree to support it. The Small Business Association has some excellent documents to use for this purpose. "Winging it or flying by the seat of your pants," is tough on everybody and doesn't usually offer the best opportunity for success. People need a goal to know where they are headed and a plan for reaching that goal is always advisable.

Some people are meant to be employees, some are meant to be independent contractors and some are meant to own and operate a business. Everybody has different skills and inclinations.

In my opinion, it doesn't seem like divorce is the best option here as the marriage doesn't appear to really be the problem. Counseling might help or hiring a business manager so that your husband can do what he does best. This may be a wise investment and bring peace for everyone. I know many very talented people who do what they do quite well but they weren't meant to manage the everyday details of a business. A good business manager, administrator or even a good secretary can make or break a business startup. It sounds like you have been trying to do this job as well as tackle other responsibilities and maybe jeopardizing your marriage in the process.

I am praying for you and your husband. You really do sound like good folks who just have a few things to work through. Best of luck with this business and may it provide well for you and your family.

PS Sometimes we have to get to our Wit's End to know where to go. !!!!!

[Anonymous]

I know a few couples who have been in your situation. The businesses had begun to gain traction, but not quickly enough to support a family or poor business practices caused the business to fail. The financial and emotional strain takes a toll. What was most important to them was saving their marriage. Businesses can rebound. Some business shut down but come back stronger. What is most important is family.
Even though your situation looks dim, I believe that it can turnaround. Arrange to have some time to talk with your husband; genuinely seek to listen and understand, to explain why you feel like you do and vice versa. Life circumstances and responsibilities can add to communication glitches. It takes a conscious effort to keep the communication strong, especially when you have a business. Is there anyone to reach out to for guidance or business advice? When there is financial pressure, you sometimes don’t think clearly and need some help. If you choose to stick with it, I would suggest supporting him, blessing him and encouraging him. If he chooses to stay, he should do the same. Hang in there!