Brother is terrible about giving gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot fathom having such weird expectations of a close family member. On what planet is a person expected to bring a hostess gift to their own parent's house? (Which is distinct from, say, arranging for a potluck). You cannot expect to be close and loving and gift-giving, then have these weirdo arms'-length social rules at the same time. So weird, OP.

This. Op, something is really off with your parents and you don't see it. I can't imagine having these expectations of my child and taking offense like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that the problem here is your parents, not your brother. They sound petty and demanding and cold. He used to buy gifts but now he doesn't. Something changed, and I'm guessing you know what it is, and it isn't because his wife is no longer around or that he suddenly forgot the social niceties he was taught. I'm guessing it has something to do with your parents' behavior.

Stop carrying your parents water. Stop gossiping with them about your brother behind his back. Stop trying to get your brother to fix a problem your parents started or exacerbated. If you value your relationship with your brother, then tend to your relationship with him and stay out of his relationship with your parents. Treat him as you would want to be treated. Warmly disengage from this triangle with your parents. Stop talking about him with them. Talk about other things.

This!
Stop encouraging your parents odd behavior, OP.

[Anonymous]

This is so odd. Your parents refuse to see their son and grandson because your brother doesn't give gifts? Is he not giving gifts because he is spending the money on heroin?

This just seems like a huge reaction to a relatively small breach in social etiquette.

[Anonymous]

The brothers could bring the parents flowers or something, once in 8 years. He’s an adult, not a child, and should do something nice for his parents once in a while.

[Anonymous]

The brothers could bring the parents flowers or something, once in 8 years. He’s an adult, not a child, and should do something nice for his parents once in a while.