Do you regret having one child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was shocked when the moms in my moms group started getting pregnant when their kids were between 12 & 24 months. I remember thinking: YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE???

So we just waited, and once my son was a bit past 2, I did want another one.

Unless you're really up against a clock, just wait 6 months or a year and see how you feel.

NP here, my DD is 13 months now and that's how I feel when I see friends and family getting pregnant with the next when their kid is this age. My brain knows that this stage is only temporary and that in a year or two I might want another but all I can think these days is "NEVER AGAIN! ONE AND DONE!"

DD is wonderful and adorable and the light of my life but I'm just so exhausted and she just needs so much attention right now, I can't imagine adding another to the mix anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Relevant to this topic.

https://cupofjo.com/2018/01/on-having-an-only-child/

[Anonymous]

I have an incredibly difficult 4.5 year old. Lots of anger, big feelings, all of it. I tried since he was 1.5 to have another child. We're talking like close to 10 IVF cycles, miscarriages, blood sweat tears. Well I finally had my second DS about a month ago. It's what I wanted and I don't have any regrets. But it's definitely been much harder on the older kid (and on us as a result) and I can see more clearly now the benefits of having an only child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an incredibly difficult 4.5 year old. Lots of anger, big feelings, all of it. I tried since he was 1.5 to have another child. We're talking like close to 10 IVF cycles, miscarriages, blood sweat tears. Well I finally had my second DS about a month ago. It's what I wanted and I don't have any regrets. But it's definitely been much harder on the older kid (and on us as a result) and I can see more clearly now the benefits of having an only child!

What finally worked for you? I have the same situation, TTC for 3 + years, no success, secondary infertility.

[Anonymous]

I have no regrets about having an only, and she's never complained about it or expressed a wish for a sibling. It was the right choice for our family, given our circumstances.

That said, the toddler years are short, so I'm not sure that not loving this stage is a compelling reason not to have more kids if you otherwise want more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To answer a few questions....I’m 35 with a 3.5 year old. My kid has been difficult for 2 Years now.

Well, you no longer have a toddler. If you've felt for two years like you don't want another kid, that's a pretty persistent feeling. While no one can rule out secondary infertility, having had one child already and being only 35 gives you some wiggle room. Table the issue for six months or a year and reconsider then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We wanted two but due to secondary infertility were only able to have one. I'm 38 with a 4 year old. I am an only as well. I did not have a good experience growing up as an only and really wanted two. It's hard to feel different when you really wanted a second and were not able to. I know very few families with onlies.

I hate to pry, but are you not actually able to get pregnant again, or did you just give up due to your age/age gap/etc?

I was the one that posted earlier about my girls having a large age gap. While it isn't the perfect/accepted age gap, it works fine for our family. I had our second after 3.5 years of secondary infertility, several rounds of iui and a miscarriage. I thought we couldn't get pregnant without help after so much time and then...surprise! Pregnant without help.

I hope I'm not rubbing salt in a wound - it is certainly not my intent. I just wanted to give you hope that it might just happen when you least expect it if you are in the "it's just too late now" camp.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Although if I could have guaranteed that a 2nd would have been as easy and great as our first, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

My son is 7, and I do regret having just one. At the time I thought people who procreated twice were completely nuts. I just couldn’t see past the hard early years to how great it would be once he was a little older and able to communicate.

I appreciate the one I have—but I wish he had the chance to have sibling relationships like I had growing up. I do understand there’s no guarantee, and that maybe #2 would be a shitshow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My son is 7, and I do regret having just one. At the time I thought people who procreated twice were completely nuts. I just couldn’t see past the hard early years to how great it would be once he was a little older and able to communicate.

I appreciate the one I have—but I wish he had the chance to have sibling relationships like I had growing up. I do understand there’s no guarantee, and that maybe #2 would be a shitshow.

Could you have a second? Just curious

[Anonymous]

No I don't regret choosing to have an only. He's 15 now. He loves being an only kid and has said so many times over the years

[Anonymous]

No. I am an only and we are one and done and happy. Because 1. She's amazing. 2. I never want to be pregnant again. And 3. It's so expensive.