When the school tells you your kid is at risk for suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had the same experience only with my son. New school, call from the guidance counselor, denied that he would kill himself or had a plan and then he tried. I spent a year not knowing if he would be alive when I got home. I had to check the house before I got the other kids out of the car. May have been the worst year ever. Counselor didn't help because he wouldn't talk. Things got better after I made major changes in his life - different school program, lots of structure, volunteer work instead of being home, etc. Good luck.

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.

I wouldnt have left that kid home alone.

OP here. She's not home alone. I called off sick and am here.

Thanks for the input.

Sorry, no I was responding to the PP.

[Anonymous]

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.



NP:Wow! That is eye opening, I never would have thought of this. Thanks for putting that out there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.



NP:Wow! That is eye opening, I never would have thought of this. Thanks for putting that out there

Yes, as I understand it thats part of the reason that you sometimes see an increase in suicides when people start SSRIs. They get some increased energy and then they can carry out a plan.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you dont mean to come off this way OP, but you sound very dismissive.

"She doesn't want.to be alive but she has no plans to commit suicide"
" Old therapist said she wasn't depressed, so she's not"
"l I'm thinking of barging in to make sure she didn't take a bunch of pills" in an "lol" way.

I just hope you are taking this more seriously than you.appear to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you dont mean to come off this way OP, but you sound very dismissive.

"She doesn't want.to be alive but she has no plans to commit suicide"
" Old therapist said she wasn't depressed, so she's not"
"l I'm thinking of barging in to make sure she didn't take a bunch of pills" in an "lol" way.

I just hope you are taking this more seriously than you.appear to be.

To be fair, OP is dealing with a lot right now. She obviously came here looking for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had the same experience only with my son. New school, call from the guidance counselor, denied that he would kill himself or had a plan and then he tried. I spent a year not knowing if he would be alive when I got home. I had to check the house before I got the other kids out of the car. May have been the worst year ever. Counselor didn't help because he wouldn't talk. Things got better after I made major changes in his life - different school program, lots of structure, volunteer work instead of being home, etc. Good luck.

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.

I wouldnt have left that kid home alone.

Well then you are luckier to have more resources than I had at that time. It's easy to criticize and judge when you are not walking in those shoes. But I'm not sure who would have paid for that home that I left him alone in if I hadn't gone to work because my paycheck was the only money coming into the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Head spinning. Summoned to school pyschologist. Based on texts my kid has sent to another child about wishing she were dead, how she wakes up hopeless, etc. they think she's a risk for suicide. This triggers a whole protocol of crisis counseling, including ER screening.

Teen says she doesn't want to harm/kill herself (although still frequently wishes she were dead). Previous counselor had concluded she is NOT depressed.

Still, trying to process this. Teen didn't want to go to school today, probably because didn't want to face people after the drama. Going to miss after-school activity as well.

Spending the day trying to find a NEW counselor (the old counselor really didn't click and then we moved).

Anyone been through this? Trying to take it seriously but it all seems very surreal and possibly blown out of proportion. I'm taking comfort in the declaration that she says she doesn't actually want to harm or kill herself, however one reason I think previous therapy failed is dd is a people pleaser and achievement-oriented so I suspect she tries to give answer she thinks adults (including therapists) want to hear.

Also upset that now she's got this "tag" at this (new) school and I worry it's going to follow her through her career there.

But that should give you pause to realize that she is also wanting to please you and say what she knows you as a mom want to hear.
P

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you dont mean to come off this way OP, but you sound very dismissive.

"She doesn't want.to be alive but she has no plans to commit suicide"
" Old therapist said she wasn't depressed, so she's not"
"l I'm thinking of barging in to make sure she didn't take a bunch of pills" in an "lol" way.

I just hope you are taking this more seriously than you.appear to be.

To be fair, OP is dealing with a lot right now. She obviously came here looking for advice.

And my advice is.she takes this seriously

[Anonymous]

If you can, please attend the FCPS Mental Health Conference.
I attended one a couple of years ago, it was very educational and I could relate, they know what they are talking about:
https://www.fcps.edu/mentalhealthwellnessconference

- a suicide survivor.

[Anonymous]

Similar experience. Family first psychological services in Vienna helped my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had the same experience only with my son. New school, call from the guidance counselor, denied that he would kill himself or had a plan and then he tried. I spent a year not knowing if he would be alive when I got home. I had to check the house before I got the other kids out of the car. May have been the worst year ever. Counselor didn't help because he wouldn't talk. Things got better after I made major changes in his life - different school program, lots of structure, volunteer work instead of being home, etc. Good luck.

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.

I wouldnt have left that kid home alone.

Well then you are luckier to have more resources than I had at that time. It's easy to criticize and judge when you are not walking in those shoes. But I'm not sure who would have paid for that home that I left him alone in if I hadn't gone to work because my paycheck was the only money coming into the house.

If he did the unthinkable, you would have regretted that job.
I didn't leave my son alone for a year when I was worried about the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had the same experience only with my son. New school, call from the guidance counselor, denied that he would kill himself or had a plan and then he tried. I spent a year not knowing if he would be alive when I got home. I had to check the house before I got the other kids out of the car. May have been the worst year ever. Counselor didn't help because he wouldn't talk. Things got better after I made major changes in his life - different school program, lots of structure, volunteer work instead of being home, etc. Good luck.

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.

I wouldnt have left that kid home alone.

Oh BS. Get off your judgmental high horse, until you’ve lived this nightmare you have no goddam idea what you would do. Here’s a scary fact for you: no one can actually prevent someone from committing suicide. There’s always bleach, windows, plastic bags, belts, etc. If someone is determined they’ll run in front of a car. But if you want to believe that you would never leave a child alone then I’m sure you meant you’ll accompany to the bathroom so they won’t jump out a window and you’ll monitor all night without sleeping. Sure you would.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety can lead to suicide. It’s not always depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you dont mean to come off this way OP, but you sound very dismissive.

"She doesn't want.to be alive but she has no plans to commit suicide"
" Old therapist said she wasn't depressed, so she's not"
"l I'm thinking of barging in to make sure she didn't take a bunch of pills" in an "lol" way.

I just hope you are taking this more seriously than you.appear to be.

OP here. I spent the most of the last 24 hours either talking with psychologists/crisis counselor and researching someone to treat her full-time. It is amazing how difficult it is to find resources.

I am taking it seriously but please understand that unless you have been in my shoes, it's hard to understand the surreal nature.

I know something is very wrong. The hard part is assessing whether there is an imminent threat.

And when a licensed clinician tells you your child is NOT depressed, you listen. Doesn't mean something hasn't changed, but it was the last tangible information we had until yesterday happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had the same experience only with my son. New school, call from the guidance counselor, denied that he would kill himself or had a plan and then he tried. I spent a year not knowing if he would be alive when I got home. I had to check the house before I got the other kids out of the car. May have been the worst year ever. Counselor didn't help because he wouldn't talk. Things got better after I made major changes in his life - different school program, lots of structure, volunteer work instead of being home, etc. Good luck.

Also I am a social worker who worked with families of kids who committed suicide. Things I can tell you are these. No one can imagine their child trying to kill themselves and they never see it coming. It's always a shock. And suicide doesn't happen when things are the worst. It happens when things are on the upswing g. At that point people have the energy to plan and they can't fathom ever going back to the dark place they came from.

NP. Thank you for this post. This is a very important point - quite chilling, actually - but thank you for pointing it out.

DP. This may be true some of the time, but certainly not always. I've had two family members commit suicide when they've been at their very lowest. You really can't make a blanket statement about when *all* suicides occur. Everyone is different.