75% divorce rate in M/F marriages when the wife has a chronic illness.

[Anonymous]

John Edwards/Gingrich were some of the poster boys of selfish men ignoring the sickness and health part of their vows. My FIL cared for MIL w/MS for the last 15 hard years of her life. My own Dad was amazing w/my mom in her last 2/3 years of tough health. I saw first hand how hard it is but also saw that character counts. TBH - one of my twins had a life limiting, very scary seizure disorder and as I thought about how it would change the life for my other kids and DH I fantasized about running away with her and 'sparring' the rest of the family. I truly obsessed over it. In reality - I never could have made it through her last days and of course my DH cherished being her father no matter with out the support of DH, my DC, other family. Serious illnesses are scary lonely realities but I know now/knew then that my DH is man enough to face reality

[Anonymous]

Chronic illness of any kind is hard on a marriage. The illness, stress, the side effects of medication...the list is never ending.

When my spouse became ill I became his caregiver, while taking care of small kids and still working full time. His whole personality changed and he was critical and mean...all side effects of the lifelong illness, combined with his own depression. Thankfully he had a psychologist who specialized in patients with chronic illness. She saved our marriage. She helped him work out his anger, get his medication changed, and helped him see that I wasn't the enemy.

I don't judge anyone who divorces after having a child or spouses diagnosed. Marriage is hard, illness is hard, and together sometimes they break people. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

divorce rate is high when kids have chronic and mental illnesses too. It all strains the families in every way.

[Anonymous]

Divorce rate is high with any huge stress on a marriage be that physical or mental illness, addictions, death of a child, bankruptcies. It is hard but some can survive (and we have had all of these except addictions - and physical not mental illness beyond very expected depressions)

[Anonymous]

Many marriages where a kid has SN end in divorce too, and usually the father leaves the SN kid with the mother. A lot of men just can't seem to handle life when it gets really tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many marriages where a kid has SN end in divorce too, and usually the father leaves the SN kid with the mother. A lot of men just can't seem to handle life when it gets really tough.

AKA a lot of men are selfish douches. Let's call it for what it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many marriages where a kid has SN end in divorce too, and usually the father leaves the SN kid with the mother. A lot of men just can't seem to handle life when it gets really tough.

AKA a lot of men are selfish douches. Let's call it for what it is

lol... pp here, I agree. The few women I know who are divorced did so because the men were selfish douches. Didn't contribute to taking care of the child, wanted to stay living in his mother's house with wife and baby so he didn't have to work and instead go out and party and take drugs, couldn't handle a SN child, etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:John Edwards/Gingrich were some of the poster boys of selfish men ignoring the sickness and health part of their vows. My FIL cared for MIL w/MS for the last 15 hard years of her life. My own Dad was amazing w/my mom in her last 2/3 years of tough health. I saw first hand how hard it is but also saw that character counts. TBH - one of my twins had a life limiting, very scary seizure disorder and as I thought about how it would change the life for my other kids and DH I fantasized about running away with her and 'sparring' the rest of the family. I truly obsessed over it. In reality - I never could have made it through her last days and of course my DH cherished being her father no matter with out the support of DH, my DC, other family. Serious illnesses are scary lonely realities but I know now/knew then that my DH is man enough to face reality

PP, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child. Deepest sympathies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Didn't happen for my mother, with MS.
Thank goodness, because she can't work.

My DH has MS and anyone who is not in this situation cannot possibly know how hard it is. Our marriage is difficult anyway, but the MS and his anger and frustration exacerbates everything.

The reason I will not leave him, frankly, is that I don't want him to become the kids' problem. That, and money.

PP you responded to. You have my sympathies.
My mother, too, has always been difficult to live with. I think people with chronic illnesses deal with it in different ways, and not always in the best way. It takes a veritable saint, I suppose, to be patient and loving when you have been suffering for years. My mother has behavioral issues stemming from severe anxiety, that she doesn't acknowledge, and therefore doesn't treat. I honestly don't how my father deals with it day after day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Didn't happen for my mother, with MS.
Thank goodness, because she can't work.

My DH has MS and anyone who is not in this situation cannot possibly know how hard it is. Our marriage is difficult anyway, but the MS and his anger and frustration exacerbates everything.

The reason I will not leave him, frankly, is that I don't want him to become the kids' problem. That, and money.

PP you responded to. You have my sympathies.
My mother, too, has always been difficult to live with. I think people with chronic illnesses deal with it in different ways, and not always in the best way. It takes a veritable saint, I suppose, to be patient and loving when you have been suffering for years. My mother has behavioral issues stemming from severe anxiety, that she doesn't acknowledge, and therefore doesn't treat. I honestly don't how my father deals with it day after day.

Thank you. You made me cry.

[Anonymous]

I have Stage 4 COPD, with about 15? lung function left. It hasn't affected my marriage at all. My husband wants to spend all of the time that he can with me, which he also did even before I was diagnosed. Our life together is important to us.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what the rate is when dividing the chronic illnesses into ones that existed before marriage and ones diagnosed after marriage.

I have a congenital physical disability/ chronic illness, its permanent. My DH knew in early stages of dating I had this, we've been together 20 years. I no longer can work a regular office job. But I don't think my condition gets in the way. It's our normal. I would expect the divorce rate to be higher for conditions that were diagnosed after the wedding, because "this isn't what I signed up for", etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the rate is when dividing the chronic illnesses into ones that existed before marriage and ones diagnosed after marriage.

I have a congenital physical disability/ chronic illness, its permanent. My DH knew in early stages of dating I had this, we've been together 20 years. I no longer can work a regular office job. But I don't think my condition gets in the way. It's our normal. I would expect the divorce rate to be higher for conditions that were diagnosed after the wedding, because "this isn't what I signed up for", etc.

09:29 here. When DH and I married, I knew that he had MS - but he was much more functional than he is now. Neither of us expected him to decline so much, so fast.

We all sign up for this (potentially) when we marry, but no one knows how hard it is until s/he is actually in the day to day routine of it. It is exhausting and depressing and infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the rate is when dividing the chronic illnesses into ones that existed before marriage and ones diagnosed after marriage.

I have a congenital physical disability/ chronic illness, its permanent. My DH knew in early stages of dating I had this, we've been together 20 years. I no longer can work a regular office job. But I don't think my condition gets in the way. It's our normal. I would expect the divorce rate to be higher for conditions that were diagnosed after the wedding, because "this isn't what I signed up for", etc.

09:29 here. When DH and I married, I knew that he had MS - but he was much more functional than he is now. Neither of us expected him to decline so much, so fast.

We all sign up for this (potentially) when we marry, but no one knows how hard it is until s/he is actually in the day to day routine of it. It is exhausting and depressing and infuriating.

I'm sorry it's exhausting, depressing and infuriating. How do you think it feels when you are the one who is ill, I was born this way! And there is absolutely no pill, no diet, no surgery, no guru, no injection, no therapy, etc that will fix it, ever. I didn't ask for this, I didn't sign up for it either. I hope your situation gets easier. No one deserves it, whether you're the one who is sick or the spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the rate is when dividing the chronic illnesses into ones that existed before marriage and ones diagnosed after marriage.

I have a congenital physical disability/ chronic illness, its permanent. My DH knew in early stages of dating I had this, we've been together 20 years. I no longer can work a regular office job. But I don't think my condition gets in the way. It's our normal. I would expect the divorce rate to be higher for conditions that were diagnosed after the wedding, because "this isn't what I signed up for", etc.

09:29 here. When DH and I married, I knew that he had MS - but he was much more functional than he is now. Neither of us expected him to decline so much, so fast.

We all sign up for this (potentially) when we marry, but no one knows how hard it is until s/he is actually in the day to day routine of it. It is exhausting and depressing and infuriating.

I'm sorry it's exhausting, depressing and infuriating. How do you think it feels when you are the one who is ill, I was born this way! And there is absolutely no pill, no diet, no surgery, no guru, no injection, no therapy, etc that will fix it, ever. I didn't ask for this, I didn't sign up for it either. I hope your situation gets easier. No one deserves it, whether you're the one who is sick or the spouse.

It's not a competition. Everyone involved suffers in some way.