What do your teens pay for?

[Anonymous]

We give our 14yo $50 per month as 'allowance' (contingent on a few hours cleaning ever weekend) and give her a bonus if she brings home straight As. She is allowed to spend 1/2 of what she gets and is expected to save the other half, and can ask to use the savings when she has a 'big' item she really wants (e.g., the newest, greatest iphone). I pay for clothing items that I consider 'necessities' (school shopping in August and some items at the change of seasons if last year's clothes don't fit) and other standard fare (athletic equipment she needs for her team sports, etc). She pays when she goes to the mall with her friends; she pays for movies and coffee out. She pays when she buys gifts for others (e.g., bday presents for her friends). She usually asks us and grandparents for giftcards for bdays and she can those, 100%, on whatever she wants.

[Anonymous]

What is the reason you aren't making lunches for your stepson and your DD when your DH is out of town? Who makes your DD's lunch while DH is out of town? He does?

[Anonymous]

Ours have paid for their social life and fun things that they don't get from birthdays or other gift giving holidays. We started them with a $5 a week allowance around 1st grade with the understanding (between DH and I) that we would raise it if they asked for more- they never did. We continued that allowance until they graduated from HS. They had some chores that were "family chores" that they did because they were part of the family. If they wanted some more money we had other jobs that they could "earn" additional money- generally they did not take advantage of those They had jobs in HS- mostly in summer that gave them more and they received small amounts at holidays. One is in college and one is about to graduate from HS. They both seem to be able to budget well and are not the kind of kids that need a ton of stuff.

The college child pays for his laundry now and we pay for the additional gym membership at his school. He will have a car starting this summer and will be responsible for the care and feeding of it. He has a paid internship this summer in the same college town that will pay for all his living expenses for the summer and should give him enough spending money for the year (plus it continues as part time job during the year). We pay for his meal plan and dorm costs in addition to tuition and books. We will do the same with his brother. We also pay for their [hones at the moment. That will change once they graduate, although it maybe cheaper for all of us to stay together on the same plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I give up
Ok, message received. Just like parents a 2 year old doesn't translate to parents a 9 year old, parental instincts that work for a 9 year old don't work for a 17 year old.

However, I am a seriously awesome step-mom. We went shopping for prom suit together (which we paid for ) Just wanted to throw that in there.

OP - I'm with you. I think your DH paying for all take-out meals while he's out of town or reimbursing the child for lunches paid for when Daddy wasn't around to make the lunches is a bit much. I also agree with you that how can he figure out the 'pain' of saving for the IPhone when he basically doesn't have any choices to make? Everything else in his life is paid for? I also agree with you on not paying for the prom date. Why does the girl get a free ride - just because she has a vagina? Come on -this is 2017.

I had a job starting at 15, and I paid for lots of stuff and my parents paid for lots of stuff. I think they did it fairly. If I wanted to go to the movies in high school, that was on me. If I wanted to drive, I paid for part of my insurance. There weren't cell phones at that point, but when I got to college there were, and I paid for my data plan. These are small expenses that teach a kid what money means and the weight it carries. To me, it does kids a huge disservice to pay for their entire lives at all times. How do they learn that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had a son, you'd feel differently, OP. Prom is a once in a lifetime event. I plan to pay for my son and his date. I also wouldn't have a problem with paying for my DD's date. Also, maybe your DH is trying to make your life easier when he's out of town. If your step DS is a a good kid that works and saves,etc let it go. Making him save for the iPhone 7 is the right thing.

I have a son and have no intention of paying for prom (which is right around the corner). He gets an allowance, and he can use that to pay for prom. He can even pay for his date's ticket, if he wants to live in a 1950s gender-defined paradise. But entertainment in which I am not included is one of the things his allowance is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Managing money is not hard and she is a smart kid.

I know a lot of smart people who make terrible financial decisions.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP. Paying for multiple nights of takeout when food is available at home (minus the chef) is a bit excessive for a 17 year old. I'd also think it was weird if someone else's parents bought prom tickets for my daughter. If her date wanted to buy them himself that's one thing (and fairly sweet) but if I knew another parent was footing the bill it would make me uncomfortable. Also, prom is not that big of a deal. I've never understood people who act like it's this once-in-a-lifetime, remember-forever experience. I think we've moved past the age of Footlose. Kids go to many formal dances these days beginning in middle school. Prices are crazy but buying for your kids date is awkward.