Soccer Referee-AMA

[SoccerRef]

Anonymous wrote:So can we have some sort of a big fight between you and the soccer coach that does the AMA on here? That would be fun!

If he's been around for as long as I have, we've probably had a big fight at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be "all refs suck" here...but I have a actual question.
Two weeks ago, U10 tournament. Ref was wearing a heavy coat the whole game, barely took his hands out of his pockets, and never left the center circle.
I know all the complaining in the world doesn't help, but is there anything realistic that we as parents can do when the refs seems particularly bad?

Well, if it was at ASIST, it was pretty damn cold for those early morning games. Did the ref miss a lot of calls? At U11 in that tournament, we had a ref who was, ummmmm, rather large and in charge. I didn't think he could move around enough to be effective. But he actually did a really good job in both of my kid's matches that he officiated and I told him "nice job" after both matches when he was signing the game card. And we didn't win one of those matches, so I wasn't sucking up.

I don't think there is anything realistic that we as parents can do during a match if we feel the ref is doing a bad job. If we are trying to teach our kids to respect the referee and the game, then the only thing to do is to remain quiet and maybe curse to ourselves under our breath. If it's a league match, then an email to the assignor (as OP suggested) is a good way to go. I think it's a mark of a quality league to solicit feedback on the refereeing and to want to improve. EDP does a good job with this. As for the parents and clubs who feel empowered enough to yell at the ref the entire game, there should be consequences. I can think of a few clubs north of the Mason-Dixon line who are notorious for this. Their reputation is getting so bad that I think they should start getting banned from tournaments in this area.

[Anonymous]

My father, a former travel coach, always made us shake the refs hand after games.

We've taught our boys to do the same.

Do you get that often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, a former travel coach, always made us shake the refs hand after games.

We've taught our boys to do the same.

Do you get that often?

As a follow up, I have taught my teams to do the same, although in the past few years it seems the refs prefer a fist bump.

[Anonymous]

Most teams do that - fist bump the ref. Not new or special, but a nice thing for kids to do.

[Roar]

SoccerRef: I love reading your posts. I ref lacrosse at both the youth and HS levels and got into it for the same reasons, will call out "rocking chair" fellow officials and admit mistakes when done. I used to engage parents, but found now it doesn't help unless its a quick, "that's a youth lax rule not HS." as your running. I don't know about you, but I tend to write down the first name of the head coach and refer to him/her by name and cover my mouth while talking to them from the side not directly in front of them. We're fortunate in Lax that many parents don't understand the rules as much as soccer, so we don't get as much harsh critics. I will agree additionally, the retention rate is low and our schedulers critique us on everything from hand positioning to the number of seconds we hold our out of bounds call. One question, do you let the kids "chirp" at each other?

[SoccerRef]

Anonymous wrote:My father, a former travel coach, always made us shake the refs hand after games.

We've taught our boys to do the same.

Do you get that often?

I love when this happens...I think it's a great way to end the game.
And it's no surprise that this happens the most with a coach that's been showing respect during the game as well.
I'd say this happens in a formal setting, oh, maybe 25% of the time now...and as the other poster said, fist bumping seems the norm now.
I think it really helps to calm everyone down after the game, and possibly even humanize the refs a bit.
And if a player or a coach wants to come up to me after that and talk about certain calls, I'm happy to do it.

[SoccerRef]

Roar wrote:I used to engage parents, but found now it doesn't help unless its a quick, "that's a youth lax rule not HS." as your running.

I've given up on trying to say anything during the run of play, but occasionally if I'm near the parent's sideline during a stoppage of play, or at half-time, and they're complaining about something specific, I'll explain my call quickly. As you point out, most of those conversations are pointing out their misinterpretation of a Law.
Most frequent conversations:
1) If the ball hits a players' hand, it's not automatically a violation.
2) If you play the ball while you're lying on the ground, it's not automatically a violation.
3) It doesn't matter if you got the ball first, if you take out a player it can still be a foul.

Roar wrote: I don't know about you, but I tend to write down the first name of the head coach and refer to him/her by name and cover my mouth while talking to them from the side not directly in front of them.

Funny you say that, because at my re-certification clinic this year, a National Ref spoke to us on how effective this is...he called it a "drive-by". It lets them know that you've had enough without showing them up in any way. They can back down without feeling a stab at their pride.

Roar wrote:We're fortunate in Lax that many parents don't understand the rules as much as soccer, so we don't get as much harsh critics.

Maybe they're just more honest with themselves...soccer parents may think they know the laws well, but I guarantee that they have the same knowledge, or lack thereof, as the lax parents. It amazes me that with all the time and effort that parents spend on sports, that they never take an hour or so to simply read the Laws of the Game. Obviously, I'm sure there are some parents out there that do, and actually know them well, but the vast majority of parents have simply never cracked a book.
Ironically, the people that seem the most ignorant of the Laws overall are coaches that have had significant playing careers. Any time a coach comes up to me after a game and prefaces his complaint with "I used to play pro ball..." I know he or she is about to demonstrate ignorance of the Laws. It's uncanny.

Roar wrote:One question, do you let the kids "chirp" at each other?

No, that may be the thing I'm strictest about...I shut that down immediately if I hear it. It can easily build up and turn into a situation later, so I've found it's best to be proactive about it.

[Roar]

I tend to allow it...to a point. I tell them, "I don't mind chiriping, as long as its funny. And I'm the arbiter of funny. If you drop an f bomb or anything about someones mom or mom's mom, we got issues."

The one thing I will flag (and penalize hard) is anything racist. I've had them a couple times were someone's told someone to "go back to basketball" or "don't you have a math problem to solve"? Non starter.

Any funny or over the top stories about coaches, parents or players?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I know this is going to sound whiny and unproductive, but do refs have to have any formal training, or any fitness requirements?
Ugh...crappy first weekend with a ref that was too slow to do U8 doing a highly competitive older game, and seemingly taking wild guesses on every call.

[SoccerRef]

Roar wrote:

Any funny or over the top stories about coaches, parents or players?

So...many...
I'll just go with one of each for now.

Coach: I've dealt with a lot of crazy coaches, but only one that really totally flipped his lid. A screamer all game, had to ask him twice to calm down. His team ended up losing by one goal, and he came over to me screaming after the game, saying it was my fault he lost because I missed a throw in call that eventually led to the other team scoring the winning goal. (To be fair, my AR told me I did miss the call, and didn't see his signal. My bad.) When he calmed down for a second to take a breath, I pointed out to him that his team had missed, wait for it, FOUR penalty kicks during the game, and that maybe my throw in call wasn't the reason he lost. He turned red, screamed out "YOUR FAULT!" and walked away, before yelling at his team that everything was my fault. I was trying really hard not to laugh the entire time.

Parent: I had a parent that reported me to the state referee director because (and I saw the email or I wouldn't have believed it) my Nike shoes clearly showed that I had a bias against his team because they all wore another brand.

Player: Called a foul against a player, he turned and said "f*ck you" to me. I quickly showed a RC, and he smugly told me I couldn't do that because dissent was only a yellow card offense. I told him that offensive and abusive language is grounds for a RC and he kept protesting until his coach dragged him off the field. Fun!

[SoccerRef]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I know this is going to sound whiny and unproductive, but do refs have to have any formal training, or any fitness requirements?
Ugh...crappy first weekend with a ref that was too slow to do U8 doing a highly competitive older game, and seemingly taking wild guesses on every call.

To be a Grade 8 ref, which is basically the entry level and comprises about 95% of the refs you'll see, you need to take a six hour class, and pass the test with a 75% or higher. No fitness test. No game evaluation.
It's not until you want to upgrade to a Grade 7 that you need to pass a fitness test, and pass a game assessment.

[Anonymous]

What is your opinion of certain players who are suspected of lying about their age? Which would not be a problem, if they didn't play dirty...

[SoccerRef]

Anonymous wrote:What is your opinion of certain players who are suspected of lying about their age? Which would not be a problem, if they didn't play dirty...

I'm sure my opinion is exactly the same as yours...I remember one of my kids playing a U-10 tournament game against a team that looked like most of the players had more facial hair than I did...but other than checking the player cards before the game there's little that I can do.
It's up to the coaches to report questionable ages.

[Anonymous]

SoccerRef wrote:

Roar wrote:

Any funny or over the top stories about coaches, parents or players?

So...many...
I'll just go with one of each for now.

Coach: I've dealt with a lot of crazy coaches, but only one that really totally flipped his lid. A screamer all game, had to ask him twice to calm down. His team ended up losing by one goal, and he came over to me screaming after the game, saying it was my fault he lost because I missed a throw in call that eventually led to the other team scoring the winning goal. (To be fair, my AR told me I did miss the call, and didn't see his signal. My bad.) When he calmed down for a second to take a breath, I pointed out to him that his team had missed, wait for it, FOUR penalty kicks during the game, and that maybe my throw in call wasn't the reason he lost. He turned red, screamed out "YOUR FAULT!" and walked away, before yelling at his team that everything was my fault. I was trying really hard not to laugh the entire time.

Parent: I had a parent that reported me to the state referee director because (and I saw the email or I wouldn't have believed it) my Nike shoes clearly showed that I had a bias against his team because they all wore another brand.

Player: Called a foul against a player, he turned and said "f*ck you" to me. I quickly showed a RC, and he smugly told me I couldn't do that because dissent was only a yellow card offense. I told him that offensive and abusive language is grounds for a RC and he kept protesting until his coach dragged him off the field. Fun!

These are great stories