Kids are calling DD Fat- 4th grade
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Anonymous
| I was a chubby kid, lost some weight in college, and then got fat as an adult. But I have a great career, loving husband and wonderful kids. I enjoy life and eat what I please. So far I am healthy. I was teased some in elementary school, but by high school I had great friends, and was a top student. After age 13 or so I was never teased. I think people sensed I liked myself and so I wasn't a target. Emphasize self esteem, enjoying movement, and self acceptance with your daughter. |
Anonymous
Do you teach your kids to hone in on people's weaknesses and then use it to target them? Do you tell them it's perfectly fine because people who are thin skinned deserve whatever they get? Regardless of whether OP's kid is thin skinned, it's not ok for kids to bully her. But I'm sure people like you provide cover for their kids to target vulnerable kids. |
Anonymous
Of course not. Too many of these posts are about the fact that she is fat and that isn't why she is being teased. Kids are going to be awful sometimes and we can't control other people's children. Her insecurity and quick-to-tears nature is what mom needs to help her with, and this wont be easy. |
Anonymous
While that all makes sense, it's not that easy. I grew up fat and have struggled with my weight my entire life (43 now). My weight really skyrocketed in 4th grade. My mother (who has her own issues) cleaned out the house, put me on a "diet", sent me to fat camp...I always found a way to eat the foods that made me feel good. I snuck money to school to buy snacks, friends gave me the food in their lunch that they didn't want, I bought snacks at the neighborhood corner store...if she is an emotional eater and this has already gotten away from her, she will find a way. I always remember my mother at the doctor saying "I don;t know why she has gained so much weight, we have no junk food in the house, I pack her lunch every day, etc.". For me, the most painful thing was feeling like I was unlovable to my mother because I was fat, like I was a bad person. Never once did she help me deal with the kids that were being mean or try to give me tools to help deal with my self esteem. It was always "They are mean because you are fat. Lose weight and you will be pretty and they won't tease you anymore". As a parent, and especially a mother, DD needs to feel like being fat doesn't define who she is. She needs help to feel good about who she is as a person. Find her strengths and embrace them. Find ways to be active together, but don't force her to do exercises she will hate. |
Anonymous
| I think that emotional eaters have other issues that then need to be addressed. I do agree with the author of the book "yes, your teen is crazy," that something more is going on with kids and parents. Often parents are the cause of some unwanted behavior in their kids, as they set examples. I am not saying this is the case in OP's family. I am pp who posted about walking on egg shells around my overweight niece. I have found out since that a lot was going on behind with parents, both mom and dad were separating and there was a whole dynamic of if husband isn't doing it, then I am not doing it with the kids, there was a lot of eye for eye behavior going on between her parents, mom blaming DH for being absent, while not seeing that she is saying things like "My DD is a disappointment in every way to me." My niece confiding in my DD that her mom doesn't love her, and she knows it. There were times when my niece was alone for days at their other place, for days. So, what seemed like a kid just liking food was in fact much, much more, and I was also a poor excuse for an aunt for not realizing. I know there isn't much I can do, but I am so proud of my niece now, who got into college, while her mom and Dad were saying that she is too lazy to even submit the application and they aren't helping because she is "this and that and they don't care anymore." |
Anonymous
| Sounds like my life in 4th grade. It was really hard. Kids would make all kinds of nasty jokes or just flat out say "you're fat." I remember once my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a fat camp over the summer. Looking back now at pictures, I wasn't even close to obese. I just was chunky and my sisters were stick skinny. As I grew taller I didn't look "fat" anymore. It really hurt when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a fat camp. |
Anonymous
I've actually heard that swimming is the worst exercise for losing weight. Can't recall the specific reason, but I think it has something to do with the cold water increasing appetite. |
Anonymous
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My DD is younger than yours but I bought her a bike and take her around with it. She loves sparring with her older DS and kicking the ball around. I emphasize how strong she is. Last summer I got her down from 95-85% for weight. Sounds awful but she's also 99% height, so it's just a bit of belly that went down. She loves veggies, yoghurt, and carbs carbs carbs. So, I limit those (the carbs) and give her plenty of the rest. We also do family dance parties. She loves Lady Gaga! Who knew? But it keeps her dancing. She's solidly built now, not chunky anymore. Most of the softness (belly) has disappeared. And, she has new habits and outlets. She's the one asking if we can do yoga after school. I'm no longer pushing. She's driving the exercise because it's fun! Good luck, OP. This must be very painful for you both. |
Anonymous
They are also using her weight because there is an enormous slice of our culture (as this thread illustrates) that equates diet with virtue and thinness with worth. |
Anonymous
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how to respond
"listen you fucks, I'm gonna cut your balls off and flush em down the toilet if you call me fat one more time" now she has to actually grab the boys by the balls when she does this, and if she can get her nostrils to flare a little.... she'll never have problems again... boys will be boys, they tease its what they do... its what they have done for eternity... hate to say it but she's gonna have to suck it up somewhat. going to the principle to "tell on johnny for hurting my feelings" isn't going to make her a stronger or better person. just paints a bigger target on her. shes going to encounter people in life that are mean spirited. and if she's going to be overweight she needs to learn to deal with it and ignore the fat haters. |
Anonymous
| principal...sorry |
Anonymous
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Does she have good friends? Maybe help her build up her friendships and increase her social confidence. Personally, I wouldn't focus on the weight. My DD had a potbelly-- it was worse in 4 th grade and has gone down in 5th as she grew. It's hard for me not to want to 'fix' it, but it really doesn't matter. She's a great kid with strong friendships with girls who she has fun with. I feel like those friendships protect her from bullying, both in internal confidence and external back-up.
Make her life happy, stop focusing on the weight. |