Boarding School for 7th Grade Boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry your son is having so many problems and making your life miseable. But a see two very important positive things: he likes baseball and apparently functions well as part of a team and he has friends. To me these indicate that his social skills are good. I am a grandma and raised three kids, 2 of whom were horrible teenagers and did the stuff you described. The are both now successful adults with lovely ( and sometimes mouthy ) children of their own. This may seem like a stange suggestion but you might try one of the good parochial schools that is super focussed on sports and then board him at Prep where there is very good baseball coaching.In the meantime try to let him do what makes him happy. The Catholic schools are firm but less insitutional than MCPS. In one sense the kids are freer and there is much less academic pressure. I would suggest spending more time with him, not less. I know he will complain but take him to sports events. Take a friend of his along and go out to eat and just sit back and listen without comment to their conversation. If you like the outdoors take him camping or fishing with a friend or two even if he says he doesn't want to go. He is scared and angry about something and you need to de-escalate the tension between you. He needs you. Alot of people will now post that I am suggesting rewarding bad behavior. What Im suggesting is just quietly being with your son and trying to enjoy his positive traits.

+1. This brings me back to my unhappy childhood. I simply wanted to be loved and accepted.

He is scared and angry because his parents are threatening to send him away. He is being taught that love is conditional. The child would certainly benefit from therapy. But to me it sounds like his parents need it more.

This. Both the parents and child need help. A very sad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thanks for the response. Unfortunately, he is more than a bit uninspired and argumentative.
He is disruptive, disrespectful, fails to listen to anything we say despite taking away nearly every privilege.

Yesterday is a good example. He was supposed to go to detention after school but he didn't go because he said yesterday was like a weekend because of no school.

He went home and after using up his allotted 30 minutes on the computer became bored and frustrated because he is locked out of the tv. He decided to unplug most of the tv's in the house from cable boxes, etc. He re-programmed the thermostats in the house. The a/c was on. He took my medicine for high blood pressure (shocking I know) and hid it. He re-set my ipad after too many failed password entries. He then made 5 bags of microwave popcorn.

And this was just yesterday.

This sounds troubling and I am sorry your family is going through this. This sounds troubling and I am sorry your family is going through this. Have you looked into counseling? And have you spoken to your pediatrician? (I'm sure you have but just checking – – possibly there is a brain chemistry element to this that could benefit from medical/therapeutic attention.

I don't think boarding school will be an answer unless you were looking at alternative schools for troubled students and most of those are for high school aged students. There are not that many boarding schools for younger kids, and I believe that if he has negative school reports with a fair amount of discipline on them you would have trouble because he would be perceived as a high-risk behavioral problem.

You could look at military school type options, but I am not sure if any start in the younger grades.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that this proves just to be a difficult phase as he is entering adolescence.

[Anonymous]

Sorry that I did not read through the thread that for posting the recommendation for the pediatrician and counseling. It sounds like you have tried pretty much everything and I have worked very hard to try to get your son help. I am terribly sorry for your situation. I am also very sorry that some posters have attacked you directly. A lot of the behavior does sound sociopathic so try to keep the family health (his sister, you as parents) in mind as well.

[Anonymous]

Op I'm so sorry about the situation but I truly believe you can get your son help and help your family without sending him away. I would make some major changes and find out what is going on with him. Maybe he's getting bullied at school? Maybe you need to see other doctors for help. Maybe he needs some new interests to put his energy in. Best of luck to you. Please don't give up on him. He is asking for help.

[Anonymous]

I don't know boarding schools but I have also gotten recommendations for the School Counseling Group, but we have been in a similar situation and one thing that helped was changing practitioners. Our psychiatrist was ok but not creative with solutions when what he did wasn't helping and our therapist was also fine, but not really bonding with DS. We switched both. (And eventually went through a few more therapists before I found one that was really able to connect with DS.) New meds and practitioners who were much better suited to a stormy teen made a big difference. (We did not have physical violence to deal with though.) Not sure where you live but I recommend Rathbone & Associates if you want to try a new therapist.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Have you had a pyschoeducational test done? It might give insight. ADHD or anxiety perhaps?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a 7th grade DS and reading this is horrifying.

Are there any other adults in his life that really care about him, besides you and your DH? (Please tell me DH is actively involved in all of this.) Not a paid professional, but just people in your life. Do you go to church? What about a youth group leader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a 7th grade DS and reading this is horrifying.

Are there any other adults in his life that really care about him, besides you and your DH? (Please tell me DH is actively involved in all of this.) Not a paid professional, but just people in your life. Do you go to church? What about a youth group leader?

I don't think you're doing OP any favors by commenting that the situation is "horrifying."

OP, your son sounds very intelligent, tech savvy, and likeable (many friends). Try to figure out how to channel that into something positive that holds his interest.

[Anonymous]

Check out the website CelebrateCalm.com.
It really helped me deal with my challenging Asperger/ADHD tween. I learned to realize that I can't control my son's behavior, but I can certainly control my own reaction to him. Kids that age push your buttons on purpose and they are looking for your reaction. It's what they do - although admittedly some kids are worse than others. If you are calm, they are more likely to be calm. Yelling and threatening to send the kid to boarding school just fuels the fire. Don't sacrifice an adult relationship with your child on the altar of their current hormonal behavior. Your child needs you to be supportive and they need to know you will be there even when they are acting their worst.
If you are in Fairfax County, the FCPS Parent Resource Center has Celebrate Calm DVD/CDs that you can check out for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry your son is having so many problems and making your life miseable. But a see two very important positive things: he likes baseball and apparently functions well as part of a team and he has friends. To me these indicate that his social skills are good. I am a grandma and raised three kids, 2 of whom were horrible teenagers and did the stuff you described. The are both now successful adults with lovely ( and sometimes mouthy ) children of their own. This may seem like a stange suggestion but you might try one of the good parochial schools that is super focussed on sports and then board him at Prep where there is very good baseball coaching.In the meantime try to let him do what makes him happy. The Catholic schools are firm but less insitutional than MCPS. In one sense the kids are freer and there is much less academic pressure. I would suggest spending more time with him, not less. I know he will complain but take him to sports events. Take a friend of his along and go out to eat and just sit back and listen without comment to their conversation. If you like the outdoors take him camping or fishing with a friend or two even if he says he doesn't want to go. He is scared and angry about something and you need to de-escalate the tension between you. He needs you. Alot of people will now post that I am suggesting rewarding bad behavior. What Im suggesting is just quietly being with your son and trying to enjoy his positive traits.

+1. This brings me back to my unhappy childhood. I simply wanted to be loved and accepted.

He is scared and angry because his parents are threatening to send him away. He is being taught that love is conditional. The child would certainly benefit from therapy. But to me it sounds like his parents need it more.

So much this. An acquaintance of mine is considering sending her son away to boarding school. The kid has learning disabilities but she and her dh are of the mind set that he needs to be punished out of his problems. The dad is constantly negative about all things and lives to criticize everyone around him. He is a self centered narcissist. The mom spends her time avoiding the son and their home. The kid gets forced in to all kinds of things he doesn't want to do. He's smart enough that he sees that he's more of a thing to them than a person who matters. To make matters worse, he is high school aged and is questioning his sexuality. The minute I heard about this from my kids friends, I knew they would be sending him away. The kid has been treated like an annoyance his entire life and is the scape goat in their picture perfect family. It has been sad to watch this play out. What love they have given this kid is so conditional that I think he realizes it isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he had absolutely no activities available to him and he became bored and spiteful. You might want to work with a therapist to come up with ongoing activities that are actually interesting to him.

True, but I also have a kid his age, and sometimes the only thing that works is taking technology/video games/t.v. away. But alternative activities (how about books or magazines he likes to read?) could be offered. I feel for you, OP. This is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Full neuro psych exam. If you are looking for a junior boarding school I have friends who had good experiences with Indian Mountain School in CT and the Fessenden School in MA. for their active sons. A friend sent her daughter to the Fay School in MA and she LOVED it, but is is definitely not a therapeutic school. I think the other two schools are more geared to the type of student your son is.

[Anonymous]

23:53 just wow. Until you have walked in someone else's shoes you do not know how challenging this situation is. Parent's often get the brunt of the bad behavior and alternative surroundings may improve the relationship.The fact that the child is being forced into different activities is parents trying to find something that interests their child.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like now might be a time he really needs you to understand and help him rather than just pack him off and make him someone else's problem.

[Anonymous]

I read this whole thread and I just want to say how sorry I am you are going through this. It sounds really hard. You sound like a parent who cares and who is doing the best they can. We used Clare Anderson- she is excellent with boarding schools but I am not sure if she specializes in therapeutic options. I second all the advice to get a neuro-psch evaluation and to change therapists and psychiatrists until you get a good fit. And remember to try to take care of yourself- you cannot parent well if you are sad, scared, frazzled, upset all the time. I hope things improve.