Going on a date in a few hours, help!

[Anonymous]

I think you dodged a bullet anyways OP! What a jerk to keep telling you to relax. DH was SO nervous on our first few dates (I didn't know then that he had barely dated before that) and I didn't say anything, just did my best to be my usual self and get to know him.

If you don't feel ready, don't push yourself! But also don't feel like you need to apologize for having some nerves - it's totally normal. The right guy might find it sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. It was ok, but I think my bad nerves turned him off. He could tell I was nervous. He told me about himself, he asked about me. He kept telling me to relax. I didn't tell him it was my first date in years. He told me what his interests are and what he looks for in women. I'm the complete opposite of that. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and gave me a handshake, not a hug, a handshake. He said he'll call, but I don't think he will. I guess I'm still not ready to date yet.

Not true. The more you get out there, the easier it will become.

You simply need a new approach/attitude. You need to think about you strengths and how lucky Mr. X is to be going on a date with you. Play to your strengths.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm still not ready to date yet.

This is what you got out of the experience!? Wrong! You just need practice - whatever you practice, you get better at. Of course, the first time you go on a date is going to be uncomfortable for you. That you were clearly nervous throughout shouldn't discourage you from doing it again, it's an area you need to work on! Get a different mindset about dating, specifically, the first date. Stop thinking it's an audition, it's just a getting to know you.

Lots of good advice from PPs - I especially second the recommendation for an activity or just coffee. Good luck! Keep us updated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the last date I was on I would've preferred no contact while saying goodbye vs. the awkward hug and kiss. So awkward.

OP you did it! It will get easier. The suggestions above are all great. Nervousness is normal and good IMO and acknowledging it to your date might help. Don't be discouraged. You took a big step going in spite of the nerves. Celebrate that!

That's true, I just feel guilty that I blew it so badly.

You did no such thing. I think you should make a list of what YOU want in a guy. It seems like maybe you're giving them the power of picking you and that would be a nerve wracking feeling for anyone (think job interview). If you are screening them just the same, maybe you'll feel better.

Dates can feel like being under scrutiny especially if the other party is intense or has been through the dating lineups. So if you have you're own criteria and things you're looking for then you have some control too. Think of some traits you want in a significant other and some matching creative questions to determine if he has them.

[Anonymous]

Think of it like interviewing for a job, the first few interviews are to get used to the process. Save the interview for the ideal job until after you've had a few practice runs.

[Anonymous]

OP with another update! He called me (not text) and left a message and said he apologizes if he offended me and if I'm interested he would like to hang out again. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

OP - be an adult and make up your own mind and not worry about others POV.

[Anonymous]

Wow, nice job OP! Do you think it's a good fit? Do you want to hang out again?

[Anonymous]

Can't hurt. Even if there's nothing there, it's good practice and you'll be more at ease when Mr Right comes along. After break-ups, I've gone on dating websites and gone on some dates that I knew probably wouldn't go anywhere, but it helped me get back in the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP with another update! He called me (not text) and left a message and said he apologizes if he offended me and if I'm interested he would like to hang out again. What do I do?

Do you want to hang out with him again?

If you do than say yes and suggest an activity ( one of the ones mentioned by pps) to do together.

[Anonymous]

HHmmm, why would he think he offended you? It sounds like he tore apart his own behavior, second guessed himself and feels like shit. But, that doesn't mean you need to go out with him again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP with another update! He called me (not text) and left a message and said he apologizes if he offended me and if I'm interested he would like to hang out again. What do I do?

Do you want to hang out with him again?

If you do than say yes and suggest an activity ( one of the ones mentioned by pps) to do together.

I think I would like to give it another shot, I hate leaving a bad impression on people. I'll definitely suggest an activity this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't hurt. Even if there's nothing there, it's good practice and you'll be more at ease when Mr Right comes along. After break-ups, I've gone on dating websites and gone on some dates that I knew probably wouldn't go anywhere, but it helped me get back in the game.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HHmmm, why would he think he offended you? It sounds like he tore apart his own behavior, second guessed himself and feels like shit. But, that doesn't mean you need to go out with him again.

Maybe he reads DCUM and saw this thread?

[Anonymous]

I'd wear some sexy lingerie for the next date - just in case.