Do you feel that your preschool shuts parents out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can find a preschool that better fits what you are looking for. We have been at 3 different preschools (2 during school year and another one for summer camp) and in all three had no problem meeting other parents/getting to know the community. One was a co-op and that was the best for a community experience. The only downside for us was the time commitment (I started working so wasn't doable). I also think you are right that not walking in to drop off and pick up matters if you are trying to meet people. Just those 5 minutes of parent and teacher/classroom interaction can make a difference. Also, I've found that some parents and kids stay and play after school at the playground or in the yard and that's another great way to get to know other families. Finally, the most concerning part of your post is that the teacher doesn't want to meet before December. Every school we've been at (including elementary) has an open door policy with teachers/director. I think if you look a bit you'll find a better match for your family. Good luck!

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Right, how else do you meet people if you don't have the ability to meet people while dropping off/picking up? They don't overcompensate for this by having school activities where you meet other parents. And there is absolutely no staying after and playing! I feel like this school has too many "rules" and it is the opposite of a welcoming atmosphere, and I do feel "shut out." Yes, my child seems to be doing well but she would do well at most preschools I think. Thank you for validating what I am feeling. We will look for a new preschool, if not for the spring then for next year. It's important that my child have a good preschool experience but also important that I feel like I'm able to build a sense of community there, and I think preschool is our best way to do that (we're not a member of a congregation, we don't have a family friendly neighborhood, no local family, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP and it does sound amazing, but I looked up the school and it would be such a long commute for me--I think way too far. It's in Bristow, right?

Did you plug in you address and the school's address into Google maps or Mapquest? Report back what commute time is generated.

You said you're in chantilly ? You'd be going against rush hour and be there in 20 minutes. It's worth the drive!

But the other thing is that most people want friends who are close by, and we would be so far away from the school. It would be a longer drive than 20 minutes because we are at the farthest end of Chantilly in the opposite direction. I think in ideal circumstances it would be 20 minutes but in the morning traffic can be heavy and it would probably take me closer to 35/40. I might go tour it but I feel like it's just too far to be a good option for us.

People have offered excellent suggestions. You seem committed to dismiss them from the outset. You might want to explore how your expectations are playing a role in your unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you posted about this before, right?

While carpool sounds convenient, the general separation of parents from the classroom would bother me. Our preschool is just the opposite -- they are extraordinarily welcoming.

Can you explain how they are welcoming? I don't get a welcoming vibe at all from our preschool. I need to know what to look for when we look for a new preschool.

Sure. When we arrive each morning, we drop our child in the designated drop off room, where kids from several different classes gather during drop hours. There are always several teachers present, including my own child's teachers. It's nice to get to know the other teachers and for my child to as well. The director is often in the drop off room too.

When my son was enrolled, but had not yet started, they welcomed us to come any time for a visit. We took them up on the offer and came several times during outside playtime so my son could get to know his teachers and become familiar with the space. It really helped us prepare him.

At afternoon pick up, the kids are usually all outside on the playground. Parents often come to pick up their child, and hang out for awhile, letting their child play. My son's teachers, as well as other teachers, approach us for conversation.

There is a sort of PTA, which I have not become involved with yet, but they plan activities including the upcoming fall festival that is held toward the end of the day (4:00) and that parents can attend and/or contribute food for.

Overall, they just have a very welcoming open door policy. There are security measures in place as well, you have to be buzzed in, so they always know who is in the building.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you tried joining moms groups, book club, etc for your own social outlet? I know a lot of SAHMs who take classes at the gym at nZone in Chantilly for instance. You could meet other moms that way. There is MOMS Club International, you could meet other moms that way. Look on Meetup for local playgroups and other social opportunitties, both involving you and your child. You could join Junior League and do good for the community while meeting new people. Or you could look for opportunites through Volunteer Fairfax.

Basically, you seem to be putting a LOT on the preschool re meeting your needs for a community when that isn't the preschools job. I'm not saying that your complaints aren't valid, but I think it's unreasonable for you to expect a preschool to offer a monthly get together, for instance. Don't most just offer seasonal get togethers? Maybe one/quarter?

Check out Centreville preschool. It's a coop. Everyone I know who sends their kids there likes it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to hope for a feeling of community from your child's preschool or regular school. Not only reasonable, but important.

[Anonymous]

Little Sprouts mom here. The school offers a "growing together" mom and child class. It's once a week for an hour and is a great introduction to the school:

http://lintonhall.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Growing-Together-Classduring-school-year2016fall-1.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can find a preschool that better fits what you are looking for. We have been at 3 different preschools (2 during school year and another one for summer camp) and in all three had no problem meeting other parents/getting to know the community. One was a co-op and that was the best for a community experience. The only downside for us was the time commitment (I started working so wasn't doable). I also think you are right that not walking in to drop off and pick up matters if you are trying to meet people. Just those 5 minutes of parent and teacher/classroom interaction can make a difference. Also, I've found that some parents and kids stay and play after school at the playground or in the yard and that's another great way to get to know other families. Finally, the most concerning part of your post is that the teacher doesn't want to meet before December. Every school we've been at (including elementary) has an open door policy with teachers/director. I think if you look a bit you'll find a better match for your family. Good luck!

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Right, how else do you meet people if you don't have the ability to meet people while dropping off/picking up? They don't overcompensate for this by having school activities where you meet other parents. And there is absolutely no staying after and playing! I feel like this school has too many "rules" and it is the opposite of a welcoming atmosphere, and I do feel "shut out." Yes, my child seems to be doing well but she would do well at most preschools I think. Thank you for validating what I am feeling. We will look for a new preschool, if not for the spring then for next year. It's important that my child have a good preschool experience but also important that I feel like I'm able to build a sense of community there, and I think preschool is our best way to do that (we're not a member of a congregation, we don't have a family friendly neighborhood, no local family, etc.)

To be honest I don't think preschool is the best place to build community for you, unless it is a coop type place. However I think your child's preschool is unusually closed off and I would not be ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've had this thread before. What else do you want out of DCUM advice?

OP here. I guess I just feel very disappointed with the preschool experience so far. It is nothing like what I thought it would be. Back when I was a SAHM with an infant/younger toddler, everyone kept saying, "just wait until she's in school, then you'll start meeting people/building a community." Well, she's in school now and I just don't see that happening at this school. I don't have a lot of ways to try to build community, and spent so much time choosing the right preschool so that I could finally build some community, and I'm just really sad that it probably isn't going to happen at this school.

You need to find a co-op preschool. That will satisfy your need for community.

+1. On the previous thread you posted and this thread, there is good advice being given to you. Do you plan to act on any of it, or are you just looking for further confirmation that you don't like your kid's preschool.

[Anonymous]

Our preschool is similar to yours except we have conferences in November - I will say a lot of social party stuff starts happening soon - Halloween parades and parties - holiday concerts and holiday parties - Valentine's Day - Mother's Day etc. I usually feel far more connected by January than I did in October with my various kids who have gone thru the school - play dates help too. You might think about emailing teacher and asking for an early conference and also just stopping by to see the head of school to let her know you are having a hard transition and see how she responds - the parents at our school are pretty connected bc we all live in the same small community mostly ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've had this thread before. What else do you want out of DCUM advice?

OP here. I guess I just feel very disappointed with the preschool experience so far. It is nothing like what I thought it would be. Back when I was a SAHM with an infant/younger toddler, everyone kept saying, "just wait until she's in school, then you'll start meeting people/building a community." Well, she's in school now and I just don't see that happening at this school. I don't have a lot of ways to try to build community, and spent so much time choosing the right preschool so that I could finally build some community, and I'm just really sad that it probably isn't going to happen at this school.

What did you really expect when you chose this school? I mean, you knew everything you are complaining about and you chose it anyway. If you're looking for friends and community maybe look elsewhere.

My kids are way past preschool and we did make lots of friends at preschool and elementary school (still socialize with many of them and my kids are in HS) but we selected a different type of environment. You chose a place that doesn't offer the opportunity for community.

[Anonymous]

Is your preschool secular or religious? I found the church-based preschools were more nurturing and encouraged more parental involvement. At my daughter's preschool, parents had to drop off/pick up at the classroom, so parents chatted and got to know each other while waiting in the hallways, if they didn't already know each other from church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What did you really expect when you chose this school? I mean, you knew everything you are complaining about and you chose it anyway. If you're looking for friends and community maybe look elsewhere.

OP here. Honestly I had no idea about the unwelcoming environment--how would I? I loved the tour and my child felt so at home there on the tour. I didn't know about the carpool line because I didn't know what that was before I saw it in action. I didn't know that there wouldn't be any opportunities to meet other parents or about their closed door policy. I didn't know anyone at the preschool either to ask about these things. I think these are things you wouldn't be able to glean from one tour. I liked many other things about the preschool that sold me on it however now these other issues have really colored my perception of the school negatively.

[Anonymous]

I posted on your other thread, and I'll ask the same question here. Is your kid happy at the school? Are they thriving? Safe? If so, I think you're making this much more about yourself than about your child. You seem to want the preschool to provide you with a social life. That's not the job of the preschool. Moving your child to a new school when they're perfectly happy at their current school for your reasons would be purely selfish, especially when there are few other options you're willing to consider. Change your mindset and don't expect the school to provide you with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've had this thread before. What else do you want out of DCUM advice?

OP here. I guess I just feel very disappointed with the preschool experience so far. It is nothing like what I thought it would be. Back when I was a SAHM with an infant/younger toddler, everyone kept saying, "just wait until she's in school, then you'll start meeting people/building a community." Well, she's in school now and I just don't see that happening at this school. I don't have a lot of ways to try to build community, and spent so much time choosing the right preschool so that I could finally build some community, and I'm just really sad that it probably isn't going to happen at this school.

What did you really expect when you chose this school? I mean, you knew everything you are complaining about and you chose it anyway. If you're looking for friends and community maybe look elsewhere.

My kids are way past preschool and we did make lots of friends at preschool and elementary school (still socialize with many of them and my kids are in HS) but we selected a different type of environment. You chose a place that doesn't offer the opportunity for community.

yes, you toured 15 preschools and ended up with this one? Something went wrong.

You need a co-op preschool. Lots of opportunities for time in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

My kids went to a school with a car pool lane and there was plenty of opportunity for community. Every school has some type of parents' organization op, get involved with that. It is not the classroom teacher or head of school's role to develop your social life.