Calling all MILs

[Anonymous]

I am a MIL and have happily passed the hostessing baton to the next generation. Have always thought it was distasteful for older people to be clingy and possessive about holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you expect your son/daughter on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Are you hurt if they don't come? I just had a baby and would rather stay home this year. My relationship with my MIL is fairly new and I'm worried it will make waves if I don't go. Also, if your adult children live near you, how often do.you expect to see them?

I would prefer that you stay home. If you do come, then I would pay for you to stay in a hotel and we would go out for dinner. Howeve, I am probably one in ten billion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

[Anonymous]

I had my daughter prematurely a month before thanksgiving in the year we were supposed to go to my mom / dad's house. It was tough having my siblings there and not being there, but I was advised not to fly won her. I think my mom assumed, since she showed up in Oct instead of Nov, that we would now travel. Factoring in nursing and diaper changes and tgiving traffic it would have been about a 24 hour drive each way. I stood my ground and ended up meeting some incredibly close friends (now) who were neighbors that had us over instead. My mom was sad but got over it. How does your husband think your mom will react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a NICU baby or having severe issues from recovery like PPD or complications from a c section you need to suck it up and go.

No, you don't. If they want to see the baby on the holiday, they can come to see you. After many years of doing the big family dinner, the women of the family decided to eat at a restaurant for dinner instead. Love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

Yup, they're a team! That's why the husband also pushed the baby out of his vagina and is now recovering from giving birth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

Yup, they're a team! That's why the husband also pushed the baby out of his vagina and is now recovering from giving birth!

I know right? I can't believe how much hate I got for saying that the person recovering from birth should decide if they feel up for traveling. Sometimes, the misogyny is just too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a NICU baby or having severe issues from recovery like PPD or complications from a c section you need to suck it up and go.

Are you a MIL? Let me guess nobody wants to visit you? Hmmm, I wonder why.

[Anonymous]

This is a question for your spouse. If your spouse says he wants to be at home for the baby's sake and you have no part of this message or communication it'll be fine. Get in the habit of having your spouse lead on this stuff. First get him on board to put your needs first.

[Anonymous]

Husbands don't "help" wives with a baby. Two parents produce a baby, two parents share responsibility. They will be different responsibilities -- like breastfeeding -- but do NOT get into the habit of treating parenting as yours to do and his to chip in with if you do his bidding.

Also -- no relative has a right to demand that people come to them. Families make different choices. MIL is not queen of the extended family and nobody is obligated to choose her home among many options. Husband has no right to funnel the family down that rabbit hole and neither does wife. Otherwise you're on here in five years complaining that holidays are an endless stress festival of moderating between two sets of grandparents' homes. Avoid that at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a MIL and have happily passed the hostessing baton to the next generation. Have always thought it was distasteful for older people to be clingy and possessive about holidays.

I love you.

Note to all in-laws and grandparents : offspring want to visit a mother - in- law like this because she doesn't apply pressure and guilt nor create conflict between husbands and wives trying to accommodate everyone's requests.

My MIL isn't Miss Congeniality but I have a good relationship with her because she treats us like equals and understands that we can't always do exactly what she wants. As a result I never resent visits because I never have to fit them into stressful times or be castigated for not making it.

Be that MIL and nobody will have cause to complain about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

Yup, they're a team! That's why the husband also pushed the baby out of his vagina and is now recovering from giving birth!

This isn't just a stupid argument it is a silly and immature argument and shows what a fool you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

Yup, they're a team! That's why the husband also pushed the baby out of his vagina and is now recovering from giving birth!

This isn't just a stupid argument it is a silly and immature argument and shows what a fool you are.

Of course, you're right. If the husband ever undergoes surgery, it's the wives travel preferences that should take priority. That makes perfect sense. I hope you don't have daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a MIL and have happily passed the hostessing baton to the next generation. Have always thought it was distasteful for older people to be clingy and possessive about holidays.

I love you.

Note to all in-laws and grandparents : offspring want to visit a mother - in- law like this because she doesn't apply pressure and guilt nor create conflict between husbands and wives trying to accommodate everyone's requests.

My MIL isn't Miss Congeniality but I have a good relationship with her because she treats us like equals and understands that we can't always do exactly what she wants. As a result I never resent visits because I never have to fit them into stressful times or be castigated for not making it.

Be that MIL and nobody will have cause to complain about you.

+1. My MIL has been awesome about the fact that we can't visit often since we live across the country. This will be the second year in a row we won't make it back for either holiday due to DHs limited leave and the high cost of flights (and we're not going to my parents either) and I love her so much for understanding. We make up for it with a week long trip after the holidays are over that we spend exclusively with MIL and SIL/SILs family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has a right to expect a married son/daughter (or a son/daughter with children) to appear for EVERY holiday. At most, they can expect to see them on either Thanksgiving OR Christmas. Add a new baby to the mix, and you have more leeway.

But also, don't act like this is all your decision. What does your HUSBAND think about this? Remember him?

No, no, no. The person who gave birth to the newborn and is recovering gets to decide if they're up for traveling. No way is this the DH's call.

Agreed. HUSBANDS don't call the shots.

No. You are a team and he gets a say. If he doesn't, then he does not have to help you with baby. Don't like this, do you?

Yup, they're a team! That's why the husband also pushed the baby out of his vagina and is now recovering from giving birth!

This isn't just a stupid argument it is a silly and immature argument and shows what a fool you are.

OK, troll. What is stupid, silly, and immature about it?