Kids at camp. Dog is going to be put to sleep. Tell them or not?

[Anonymous]

Only tell now if they left for camp worried about the dog. Otherwise wait.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old is currently away at camp, and we went through putting our dog down just a few weeks ago. Knowing all the emotions that surround both of those things, I would wait to tell them until they get home. I would not wait to put the dog down once you reach the decision that it's necessary to do so.

I'm so sorry about your dog.

[ThatBetch]

Wait to tell them, and tell them why you waited (if needed). There's nothing they can do for the dog; this doesn't need to be their burden.

Sorry to hear it, OP. Losing a pet always hurts.

[Anonymous]

We just went through this. We waited. It was the right call for us. But if I had a child who might feel guilty about having enjoyed camp when their dog was dying, or a child who had a strong need to be in control of things, I might make a different choice.

We had our dog cremated and had the ashes in a nice container along with printing out some photos and keeping a clip of her hair, so when our children got home we had tangible artifacts. We also picked up all the dog toys, but kept them easily accessible in the dog's crate so our children could pick out any toys/mementos they wanted.

[Anonymous]

This actually happened to me when I was a kid and it definitely was fine for me. It was still sad, but not having a sad final goodbye actually made it easier for me. Of course I am just one person, and my experience is not yours.

[Anonymous]

I was 12 when our dog was put to sleep, and my parents put it off until I could get home and we could all go say goodbye to her together. I would truly never have forgiven them had they not let me hug her goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait. If for no other reason than you won't be there to comfort them.

This

[Anonymous]

If you can wait, wait. But from the tone of your post it sounds like it was done (our dog hit a day where it truly was the time, any additional days would have been torture).

I see no benefit in telling your kids while they are in camp, unless you are offering for them to come home and say good bye. Given you said they seem to know that the end is near, hopefully you have prepared them for the the fact that the dog could die while they were in camp. I feel like telling them while at camp, unalbe to do anything, does nothing good. But I would spend the time crafting the message. It had to be done. You are sorry they did not get to say goodbye, but putting it off would have been cruel. The dog knew they loved her/him. etc.

[Anonymous]

I work for hospice, so take this with a grain of salt because my experience is in the area of bereavement in the case of human family members, not pets. But from a 'best practices' standpoint in dealing with bereavement in children, telling them ahead of the death is far preferable, and then providing support and options. The pp who called the camp, had the director bring the child to the office, etc., handled it in the way that reflects current best practices with children and grief. Of course, real life means that not everything goes that way, nor should it necessarily in all circumstances. But if you were to present this situation to a pediatric grief counselor as a case study, this would likely be the suggested course of action.

Hugs. Such a hard time.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely wait. No reason to ruin camp for them and I'd want to be there to comfort my kids when delivering sad news like this.

[Anonymous]

You should have given them the opportunity to say goodbye. I still remember our dog being put to sleep while we were at school and we didn't get a chance to say good bye.
Truly a mean and unforgivable act.

[Anonymous]

ok first, please ignore 17:46, who needs to look in the mirror re mean acts.

Second, I agree with the "wait" crowd, because you can comfort them.

If it's possible to tell them in the morning (like if you pick them up in the morning), I'd tell them then--learned from a psychologist that kids (or anyone) do better with bad news in the morning, because as they do other things, their mind processes it all day, then going to bed is not as hard. The worst is telling them before bed, because they then go into their room and their mind fixates on it, and it then takes on a life of its own, and can take up to three months longer for them to get over it.

The best is (this happened in our bad news situation--tell them their favorite cousins are coming over, tell them the bad news, then the cousins appear and there is fun and distraction all day and then bedtime isn't so rough.

But the other thing is OP it's essential that you have a memorial for your pup (like, in your back yard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely wait.

+1

I would wait. It's not like they can say goodbye or do anything except be sad. Let them do that at home.

[Anonymous]

Of course wait. Not even a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have given them the opportunity to say goodbye. I still remember our dog being put to sleep while we were at school and we didn't get a chance to say good bye.
Truly a mean and unforgivable act.

You realize these things aren't necessarily predictable, right? Should the dog be left to suffer now to provide that opportunity? You want to talk about a mean and unforgivable act. . .