Pros and Cons Being a Single Mom......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I have my DD 100% of the time. My ex lives halfway across the country with his newish wife and kids. I take my DD to visit him twice a year b/c his new wife won't let him come here to visit.

No he doesn't want to visit, otherwise he would.

He came to visit a few years ago calling his wife's bluff that she take the kids and move back to her home country. Well, she did and was gone for 8-9 months. He will never visit here again.

Doesn't matter what she does, still his choice. He owns that behavior, NOT her fyi.

I'd move on, cut him off, change your number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I have my DD 100% of the time. My ex lives halfway across the country with his newish wife and kids. I take my DD to visit him twice a year b/c his new wife won't let him come here to visit.

No he doesn't want to visit, otherwise he would.

He came to visit a few years ago calling his wife's bluff that she take the kids and move back to her home country. Well, she did and was gone for 8-9 months. He will never visit here again.

Doesn't matter what she does, still his choice. He owns that behavior, NOT her fyi.

I'd move on, cut him off, change your number.

I think he is an ass but my opinion of him doesn't matter. My DD still wants to see him even if it is only twice a year. I do what I do for her. She will come to form her own opinion of him sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

+1 to above. Child's other parent may be weak and a poor decision maker (newish wife sounds like a piece of work) but you don't "change your number" to even the score. Kids want to know their other parent, even if the contact is minimal. If that person is safe and sober, kid needs to see them. Not sure why people can't understand this.

Good on you, above poster. I have the same ex. Sees DD a few times a year, I make it happen and don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Parenting with a wonderful, supportive, helpful partner is still really hard. I can't even imagine having to do it all on your own with very few breaks. Maybe if you had REALLY supportive parents in good health who live nearby and can provide you with a break every week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I have the best of all worlds. My male partner and I have been together for 10 years. We're not married though. I wanted children and he was ambivalent. He has older kids and had a vasectomy. So the kids are all mine even though we raise them together.

For big decisions we discuss what to do but the reality is, I get to make the final decision. When it was time to get a passport, he didn't need to come. When it was time to go through Child Find, he was involved but he didn't have to sign anything and really had no say. It makes scheduling appointments much easier.

I find that it makes life much easier. Financially, I owned our house before him and before the kids. I make enough to support me and kids if we ever separate. I've put away for their college funds and my retirement.

Wow. Do you live together? How do you handle the finances now? Do they call him dad?

Seriously, wow. You might have the best of both words but your kids sure don't. Enjoy the therapy bills. I'm sure those will be all yours, too.

This is the PP you're quoting. Please feel free to explain the therapy comment. Why do my kids not have the best of both worlds?

In answer to the other PPs question-- yes they call him dad and he lives with us. Financially things just sort of work out. We don't have any set you pay this or I pay this. We discuss big purchases such as a car but neither of us take on any costs that we can't cover on our own. For the house he doesn't pay towards the mortgage but he pays for the major repairs such as the roof, siding, Windows, dual zone, kitchen reno -- so it all sort of comes out in the wash. We are each other's beneficiaries for 401ks and life insurance policies. My will states that he is their guardian if I die--my family loves him and wouldn't not try and take the kids away from their dad.

I don't consider you to be a single mom. What exactly is single about your parenting other than financial and paperwork stuff?

New poster. I was thinking exactly the same thing. PP with the 'male partner' above has made this thread about herself. She's not a single mom. She should start a new thread.