SIL Thanksgiving invite- I don't want to go

[Anonymous]

You've been married for a very short time, so everyone needs to adjust, and the burden is your husband to manage this transition with his family.

He needs to repeat that they need to make you and your kids feel welcome. That they can't compliment the ex wife randomly in front of you because it seems as if they are rejecting you. That they have to decrease the number of pictures of the ex.

If the ILs are generally kind and polite, then I think you should go - not every year, but at least at the beginning to foster that relationship. Remember, marrying someone is also learning to form a positive relationship with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Manage your expectations. Yes, they should be polite and welcoming. (Isn't SIL inviting you being polite and welcoming, though?) They don't need to not have pictures of a family member up--yes, DH's ex-wife is and will always be family, she's the mother of their grandchildren/nieces/nephews! And of course they're going to treat your adult or nearly-grown children differently--it's a different relationship than blood grandchildren/nieces/nephews!

An invite isn't necessarily meant as a polite and welcoming gesture.

Nice way to approach life!

[Anonymous]

Send DH with his kids, you stay home and go out for a nice restaurant dinner or cook with your kids. Everyone's happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Manage your expectations. Yes, they should be polite and welcoming. (Isn't SIL inviting you being polite and welcoming, though?) They don't need to not have pictures of a family member up--yes, DH's ex-wife is and will always be family, she's the mother of their grandchildren/nieces/nephews! And of course they're going to treat your adult or nearly-grown children differently--it's a different relationship than blood grandchildren/nieces/nephews!

An invite isn't necessarily meant as a polite and welcoming gesture.

Op here I am pretty sure I am only invited out of feelings of obligation. We had a small immediate family only wedding, she came and refused to talk to me and the card was addressed only to my husband. I saw them at my MIL at Easter and she did not talk to me and rolled her eyes when my MIL asked if something was safe for my son to eat.
My DH knows how I feel. My children do not have any contact with their biological father. So they have to go where I go (except my oldest who said she doesn't want to go but will come along for moral support)

Well maybe SIL wants to get to know you! Plus, who cares if obligation prompted her invite--it shows family is important to her.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who is wondering why they are fighting sbout Thanksgiving in April?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is wondering why they are fighting sbout Thanksgiving in April?

Nope. But, I suspect there is a lot more to this story than OP is sharing because it would ruin the evil SIL angle she's going for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Manage your expectations. Yes, they should be polite and welcoming. (Isn't SIL inviting you being polite and welcoming, though?) They don't need to not have pictures of a family member up--yes, DH's ex-wife is and will always be family, she's the mother of their grandchildren/nieces/nephews! And of course they're going to treat your adult or nearly-grown children differently--it's a different relationship than blood grandchildren/nieces/nephews!

An invite isn't necessarily meant as a polite and welcoming gesture.

Nice way to approach life!

Unfortunately that's true. If the SIL didn't speak to the OP at her wedding I can't imagine the invite was welcoming. OP do not take your children to a place where you know people aren't going to be kind to them. Just don't. Maybe his family will come around. What happens this year doesn't have to be forever. This year the priority needs to be your new family unit. Don't go somewhere it will be undermined.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is claiming Thanksgiving in April to stir the pot. She has made it clear that she doesn't respect you; she might also have some ex SIL surprises waiting for you and your DH at her celebration too.

[Anonymous]

If she was unkind to you at your own wedding, then absolutely I would not put myself to any trouble to go visit her for Thanksgiving if I didn't want to go. Start your own tradition.

[Anonymous]

It's not selfish to be sad about not seeing your family for the holidays! OP and husband have only been married for a year. There's still a chance that the relationship with his family could improve but only if she see's them and tries to accept them.

You're referring to the MIL or SIL, right? Not OP? Sounds like there's not a lot of acceptance on the ILs side.

[Anonymous]

Go, and take your own food with you that you can eat. This will solve the food issue. Just make sure there's enough for other people to share so that no one says "Oh, she didn't bring any for us".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send DH with his kids, you stay home and go out for a nice restaurant dinner or cook with your kids. Everyone's happy.

+1. This sounds like one of those times Ina blended family when your kids need to take precedence. I assume your kids notice the IL's behavior and they don't like them? Why subject them to it! They deserve a happy, family Thanksgiving too and they won't be able to get it with your IL's