Telling Family We Dont Want Their Constant Gifts For our child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put my mom on the hunt. I was like "look, what we really need is about 5 t-shirts in such-and-such size for the summer. Larla is super into dinosaurs and butterflies right now, and her favorite colors are purple and green. Can you help us find these things?"

I do this too. It works incredibly well. I call them Mom Missions. If you don't give her a mission, you get stuff you don't need.

+1

My mom loves to buy (and make) stuff for our daughter. So I let her know what color her winter coat is, and my mom will find or make matching mittens and hats. Or I'll say, "Those little outfits you got at Costco last year were really cute! Please keep an eye out for them again." Or "We think Larla is ready for her own suitcase on our next trip. I'm pretty sure she wants a pink one. Can you keep an eye out for something nice?" Or she'll get dresses for holidays. It's all about politely channeling the perfectly normal desire to give gifts to one's grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what ThredUp is for. They don't pay much, but if things are new with tags it's not bad, and it's very easy to do.

Try to redirect them to more expensive things like shoes and winter jackets. My DD is an October birthday and my MIL always gets her a nice jacket, snow pants, mittens, hat, and boots, and I make a big show of thankfulness. Which is easy because I am actually thankful, that stuff is expensive. Also, ask for art supplies and stickers.

Well played, PP! That stuff is expensive, useful, and yet also meets the fun to shop for requirement!

[Anonymous]

Amazon wish lists are the best. You can put anything on them, even from other sites. If you populate it with enough of a variety of items and price points, then interested parties can usually find something that they click with. It's like having a personalized store.

We have very generous and numerous relatives and were drowning in toys and clothes in our tiny condo. The list helped avoid duplicates of stuff we already had, keep them up to date on sizes, and even steer them toward experience gifts like aquarium and other memberships, kid magazine subscriptions, movie passes, and even broadway tickets.

I know it's overwhelming to get a lot of stuff OP, but this is just the beginning and everyone is getting used to things and celebrating a new little one. Hopefully time and experience can shape their giving into something that fits a little better to what you'd prefer, but don't let your fatigue make you annoyed at generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what ThredUp is for. They don't pay much, but if things are new with tags it's not bad, and it's very easy to do.

Try to redirect them to more expensive things like shoes and winter jackets. My DD is an October birthday and my MIL always gets her a nice jacket, snow pants, mittens, hat, and boots, and I make a big show of thankfulness. Which is easy because I am actually thankful, that stuff is expensive. Also, ask for art supplies and stickers.

Well played, PP! That stuff is expensive, useful, and yet also meets the fun to shop for requirement!

Thanks I also like to steer her to sneakers and dress shoes, and a nice holiday outfit 2x a year. That stuff isn't cheap! Also good asks are scooters, bikes, Rollerblades, and of course all the accessories. When DD started going to a uniform school, I channeled MIL into some quality uniforms. Also school supplies. And, of course, if you ever see a great deal, we love to donate to the uniform closet. You're such a good shopper, MIL! You get all the best deals, MIL!!! I also have her get birthday party stuff-- I let her pick the theme and she goes to Target and gets the whole "kit and kaboodle"-- plates, napkins, hats, crepe paper, favors, cupcake toppers, all that shit. Sends it to us in a box and I video DD opening the box and going apeshit. More video later of DD putting up party decorations. Put that on Facebook for all her friends to see, and I have myself one happy MIL.

[Anonymous]

With my MIL, the key is to understand why she does it: out of love, yes, but to show off for her friends. They all go to the mall and shop together for their grandkids. I know when she does that because I always get a lot of more pricey stuff. They're all bragging about their grandkids and buying stuff together. Larlo is all boy, he really needs new Wranglers and Under Armour. Yes, he is growing so fast, he needs an entire new wardrobe. Larla needs Mary Janes for her school uniform, because she is so smart. Larlita is taking ballet, she needs 17 leotards in different shades of pink. Let's all go to Herberger's together and spend a zillion dollars annoying our DILs! Whee!

All I have been able to do is positively reinforce the things I actually like. Public praise and showing off for friends are important to my MIL, so I follow up with lots of Facebook stroking. Zoo membership= Facebook photo collage tagging MIL, thanks for the membership, wish you were here, it was soooo fun, we'll go when you visit. Art supplies=drawings on facebook and mailed to her house. Nice shoes = video of DD trying to tap dance. You get the idea.

[Anonymous]

I have had good luck steering MIL to magazines (Ladybug, National Geographic Jr.), and also DD gets Kiwi Crate from her. It's fun and I let them video chat so DD can show off what she made. Gives them something to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Are all the clothes coming from the same store? Babies R Us? Target? If so, wait until you have a bunch, and then return with tags for store credit and pick up what you do need/want - diapers, wipes, etc.

If that's not practical, then donate or take to a consignment shop.

[Anonymous]

Donate? Hell, no. Sell it! and buy the baby what s/he needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, it will likely fade as the new baby excitement wears off. I also try to steer my mom by casting things as surprise gifts for DW. E.g., if DS needs a snowsuit, I will tell my mom "DW decided X snowsuit was too expensive, want to surprise her?"