Single mom sis needs decision support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pp, you can gently voice your concern once. Then continue to smile and nod.

I'm another single mom of 2. It took my mother three days to congratulate me when I told her about #2. I'm not sure I will ever forget her extended delay when I shared news I was thrilled about.

She's worried about you and your children. Shame on you for not seeing that.

Shame on me?! I was 40 years old, established in my career, had live-in childcare and own a home. At some point you have to sit back and support your child's choices. I don't think it's asking too much of your parents to be happy for you.

What if your mothers values differ from yours? Like a two parent household not so much your HHI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, this is OP. You're right that there's perhaps an element of a double standard or hypocrisy in some of the comments in this thread, but there are some important and relevant and legit issues. First, I'd be the child's guardian if something happens to her. So I'm not just weighing in and being judgemental for the sake of it - this potentially affects me in a major way.

Second, if she was married, she probably wouldn't be asking me if she should have a second kid - she'd just decide with her spouse. And if she DID ask me, I'd want to tell her pretty much the same thing I want to tell her now - that I don't think it's a great idea. She wants her DD to have a sibling, I get that. But she also wants to provide her child with other opportunities we didn't have growing up, experiences that will be a lot harder to provide with 2 kids. It's like she's only seeing the advantages of creating a sibling without thinking through what she'd be giving up or leaving ANY cushion for some hard times. And if the kid has additional developmental needs, there's no extra parent who can stay home from work or conversely, take an extra shift - her job arrangement is stable but simply insufficient.

plus it seems like such a Hail Mary that it's almost like throwing out money (not quite...but almost). IUI at 40 is tough!

1. You don't have to be anybody's guardian if you don't want to/can't afford to. So this will only affect you if you choose to be affected.

2. None of the concerns are yours. As long as your sister is not asking you for money, this is on her. I think at 40 one should have a good idea of what she's getting into. Especially since she already has a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A single mom that I know just had her "Hail Mary" pass second baby making venture funded by her parents. I think it's an early inheritance (at least on paper). I wish her the best, but wonder about the finances as well. Ultimately, is she died before baby reaches 18, her parents would bear the financial burden of raising it and possibly DC1. No one would be impoverished, but I wish she had at least considered adoption. We have another friend who just brought home a four day old biracial baby girl with no special needs through foster adoption. She was approved only 30 days before and had to make a massive target run on her way home from the hospital.

The financial situation of potential adoptive parent(s) factors into the approval process, even when adopting out of foster care..If the woman you are referring to had to borrow money from her parents for her "baby making venture" & already has a child to support, she may not be financially stable enough to be approved.