Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.

[Anonymous]

Make a roster of who watches kids and the times. When it is their time, you leave.

[Anonymous]

I had relatives that would do that. The parents would casually walk away and leave and do something more interesting close by (aka enjoy a drink at the bar or browse a store etc.). Grandma was basically trained to pick up the slack and make sure the kids were safe. Although a couple of times, it was me as I was watching my kids anyway.

It never came down to it, but though I would do what was needed to protect the kids' safety, I don't think I'd be too bothered to protect the selfish parents' belongings from being broken/lost/damaged by their abandoned children....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?

My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.

Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.

My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.

Ok, I would play EXTREMELY dumb. If they are still on the property, anytime any of their kids needed/wanted something I would take them to find their parents. They need some water? Find his mom/dad. Gotta go potty? Find mom/dad. Anywhere unsupervised? Find mom/dad.

Talking isn't going to work. You are going to have to shove it down their throats.

[Anonymous]

My husband would totally do this, OP. These self-centered people will never change.
They probably underestimate the dangers, plus they think that adding a few kids to yours isn't too taxing for you.
At least it sounds as if you're not the only responsible adult on duty, and you will be able to coordinate with others to keep an eye on the kids.

Of course, you can always state to the irresponsible parents at the start of the holiday:
"You NEED to ask me if you plan to leave your kids with me! Otherwise that's taking advantage, and I'll hate you for it!!!"
But don't expect it to change, unless one of them has an accident (and then they'll blame you, of course).

[Anonymous]

Do any of the kids have phones? ask them to TEXT their parent EACH time they want something. lol.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do this. But. I would be tempted to pretend to get all flustered and call their cell to ask them what on earth happened to them. "Where are you??? Everyone is panicked! We all thought something terrible must have happened to you if you left all your young children alone!!! My GOD, are you okay! Are you at the hospital? We were about to call the police!!!.....What happened???"

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't watch their kids.

[Anonymous]

In our family everyone and nobody watches the kids, all at the same time. The kids are self-policing, and the older ones watch out for the younger ones. If an older one can't control or help a younger then they are escorted to an adult. Any adult will do.

But in general, the kids know to stay away from pools of water by the time they're three and the older ones can be actually trusted to make sure the younger ones do that. Get all the cousin-kids to band together and self-police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family everyone and nobody watches the kids, all at the same time. The kids are self-policing, and the older ones watch out for the younger ones. If an older one can't control or help a younger then they are escorted to an adult. Any adult will do.

But in general, the kids know to stay away from pools of water by the time they're three and the older ones can be actually trusted to make sure the younger ones do that. Get all the cousin-kids to band together and self-police.

Um, no. Let's not pass the buck on crazy irresponsibility down to the children.

PP, your family dynamic is a recipe for disaster, unless all kids are old enough to leave in the house alone. I can just see you and your adult relatives after an accident..."But I thought YOU were watching them!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family everyone and nobody watches the kids, all at the same time. The kids are self-policing, and the older ones watch out for the younger ones. If an older one can't control or help a younger then they are escorted to an adult. Any adult will do.

But in general, the kids know to stay away from pools of water by the time they're three and the older ones can be actually trusted to make sure the younger ones do that. Get all the cousin-kids to band together and self-police.

No, 3 year olds don't know how to be safe around water. That is a disaster waiting to happen. Parenting on a vacation is still required. It doesn't change for the adults' convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids are 9 (boy), 6 (girl) and 3 (girl) for sister, and two boys, 10 and 4, for cousin.

Also in the mix are my brother's kids, my kids and two cousins, kids, a full range from 6 down to newborn.

So, the girls were upstairs, but there was a toddler in the kitchen. Which of those 5 do you consider to be toddler age, or too young to be in a kitchen?

Stop with this, really.
If I ask someone to watch my child and they agree, then they shouldn't be asleep when I get back. Especially with a lake out the back door.

+1

At first I thought it was just different parenting styles too, until I read the parents disappear into town without informing anyone. I don't care if you have one 10 year old. That's sh*tty.

Please, for the love of G-d, directly talk to them about this. My husband does nearly the same thing when we are visiting his family and it drives me up a wall. I will say, "Hey, I'm going out for a run, you're in charge of DS," he'll agree, and then I get back and he's run out to the 7-11 for a few minutes or taking a shower or doing some other thing and has informed no one because the kids were all playing together and there were 4 other adults around and so he figured our son was supervised. If other family members were in and out and tag-teaming it, I would have no problem with that, but he's literally the only one who will just walk away and tell no one. It's so damn rude. And I have spoken with him about this until I'm blue in the face, but because THEY don't say anything about it to him, he continues to do it. I wish for once, his brother would say, "Hey, we don't mind watching all the kids some of the time, but you NEVER watch all the kids and frequently just disappear. It's really not cool."

If you TALK to them about it and their behavior doesn't change, I would start having it impact their kids. When no one can find their mom and dad, have their kids sit on a couch until they return. Not allowed to play. That will stop that sh*t right quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

Even a 3 or 4 year old can play in a room with an older sibling while a parent naps in the same house. Outside with a lake is different, but in the example the OP gave the kids were all contained.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, I hear you. My SIL is the master of this. She has one kid, and is a single mom, so my DH and I really don't mind helping out with her DD when we go on vacation and the like. But she will 100% CHECK OUT and just assume we'll take care of her kid for her. Then she doesn't acknowledge it or say thank you. If we refuse, the kid is the one who misses out. I've gotten a lot less tolerant of it once I had my own kid to take care of. But it still sucks that she's so freaking selfish.

The only way I really deal with it is by trying to not go on vacation with her. There's one trip we can't really get out of that I go on, but every year there is a fight about something because she is so irresponsible. I try to make that one trip no more than 3 days because at the end of three days I am usually getting ready to wring her neck.

All that is to say, you really have no choice here OP. If you decide to be purposefully negligent to teach your cousin or sister a lesson, you will never be able to forgive yourself if something bad happens. Your sister and your cousin are takers. They most likely always will be. Any attempt to get them to see the dynamic will result in them telling you that they one time sat outside and watched the kids and what are you talking about? Your only choice is to NOT go on vacation with them. Which sucks. But yeah, they suck.

[Anonymous]

No one else has suggested this, so I will. Why don't you hire a babysitter (or two) to watch the kids? Everyone who has kids can chip in and then everyone can relax.