Teens, is it fun? Are they rewarding?

[Anonymous]

It is great 75% of the time and horrible the other 25%.

[Anonymous]

My favorite years so far have been 1-2, 5-7, and 14-16.

I have really good kids. Better than I was, that is for sure. Love them!

[Anonymous]

Yes it is fun having (for me) a teen (15 yo). If your child is difficult young, your child may be difficult older too. But it is rewarding, seeing a kid learn to navigate the world and approach adulthood.

The expense, though, is real - meaning, mostly, college. If you want to be able to pay for college rather than having the kid saddled with debt (or not go to college, which is a perfectly legit choice) then I personally think it's reasonable to have fewer kids for that among other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ That's good advice and so is the one someone has posted on DCUM before >> QTIP = Quit Taking it Personally.

The part that frustrates me is my DS who could be getting better grades if he'd get himself organized. This has been an ongoing battle for 3+ years and it's tiring. Waiting for executive functioning to kick in.

I like this advice and the "be a little deaf". My oldest is 13 and so far so good between him and me because I tend to follow that approach but DH tends to (IMO) overreact to every little thing so the conflict between the two of them drives me crazy and I see it getting a lot worse before he makes it through the teen years. I keep trying to gently encourage DH to back off but it isn't having much impact so far.

[Anonymous]

Nothing like a teen girls to let you know exactly what's wrong with you...over...and over...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some good advice I got for the teenage years and the associated lippiness: "Be a little deaf."

So true. My teen boys are fun. They keep me laughing. Some days are wonder if they are alien creatures but for the most part we have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing like a teen girls to let you know exactly what's wrong with you...over...and over...

Depends on the kid. My teen daughter is generally very supportive of me. I love my boys too, but I know I'll feel like there is a bit less laughter and warmth in the house when she heads off to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ That's good advice and so is the one someone has posted on DCUM before >> QTIP = Quit Taking it Personally.

The part that frustrates me is my DS who could be getting better grades if he'd get himself organized. This has been an ongoing battle for 3+ years and it's tiring. Waiting for executive functioning to kick in.

I like this advice and the "be a little deaf". My oldest is 13 and so far so good between him and me because I tend to follow that approach but DH tends to (IMO) overreact to every little thing so the conflict between the two of them drives me crazy and I see it getting a lot worse before he makes it through the teen years. I keep trying to gently encourage DH to back off but it isn't having much impact so far.

I have no idea if this is true, but I read somewhere that it can be good for kids to have parents with different discipline styles. The kids learn to vary their behavior depending on which parent they are interacting with, which can be helpful for navigating relationships when they are on their own. I like this idea given that my husband sounds a lot like yours.

[Anonymous]

Having teens is like any other stage in your child's life..sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's not. Besides, what is the alternative? A time machine to keep them young or sending them away? Either way it is going to happen! I don't think you should worry about a problem before they are teens!

[Anonymous]

I think "be a little deaf" was something Ruth Bader Ginsburg listed as one of her keys to a long, happy marriage. Wise words when applied to teens too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think "be a little deaf" was something Ruth Bader Ginsburg listed as one of her keys to a long, happy marriage. Wise words when applied to teens too.

So true- My teens are incredibly grumpy in the morning, so I just tune them out and keep busy and ignore their attitudes. They come home from school very happy and it's all good again. I used to try to talk to them in the morning, ask questions, etc.. but I've learned to become to not engage and "be a little deaf" and the attitude doesn't bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

Definitely rewarding, just in a different way from when they're little.
Less overt affection; more complex interests and thoughts. Friends are now more the center of his world than family, but we still get quite a lot of family time. If I'm respectful of his time (I check with him before I make plans including him, because he may have started to make plans w/friends), then he's respectful of mine (once we've made a plan for something, he doesn't ask to bow out so he can do something with friends).

My teen is rarely grumpy, but when he is, I've found that asking straightforwardly 'are you having a tough day?' or something like that works (he may say no, but then a little later say he's in a bad mood because of X). I don't try to engage too much if he's being grumpy, and the vast majority of the time, he isn't in a bad mood, or doesn't take it out on us if he is. I told him that he has the right to be in a bad mood sometimes, as I do too, as long as we don't lash out at each other.

I try to listen more and offer advice less (but still do when it's needed).

[Anonymous]

When it is good it is very, very good, and when it is bad it is terrible.

I love my teens.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that the worries are bigger, but the relationships are deeper and more rewarding. Love my kids and they are usually fun to be around as teens, as long as I can overlook some immaturity once in a while.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is only 12, but we know so many wonderful teens. In the summer I find it refreshing to see so many teens who are camp counselors; they're so nice, polite, and happy. Of course, I don't know a family that hasn't had a rough patch with their teens, but I don't know why they get a bad rap. Same with 2 year olds. My kids had tantrums at 2, but I loved that year.