How do you enforce the no BF rule ?
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Anonymous
| As long as you emphasize her long term goals (law school, medical school, studying abroad in college) as positives as well as providing rules, you'll have a better chance of success. |
Anonymous
| If your teenage daughter has a baby, what's the point of trying to prevent her from breastfeeding it? |
Anonymous
That's what you think... |
Anonymous
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"How do you enforce the no boyfriend rule..." The same way you enforce the "no growing" rule.
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Anonymous
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What I told my now 13 yo DD -- when she was crushing for a boy last year was that there is no dating until you are 16. And, by dating, I mean the traditional date. You can hang out together in public settings and/or with other kids, but no dating.
I am not sure that I will enforce the rule in high school -- I can always relax the rule, but never make it stronger. FWIW, my DD was somewhat relieved. While she looks mature, she isn't. She told that to the boy, and the crush faded. Right now, DD is having enough time juggling her school work, her sports, music, and other hobbies. She does not need to date. (My 16 yo rule is somewhat practical: once she drives, she will have more freedom naturally). |
Anonymous
| Nobody needs to date. Just like nobody needs a birthday cake. But sometimes people want to date/have a birthday cake. |
Anonymous
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You should do more activities and family social engagement (every culture i know that's against dating early has huge family/friend gatherings) with people who share your values. There's really no way to enforce this, but at least maybe you could steer your child to be friends with those whose parents are more like you.
I grew up in a similar culture. Those who internalized the non-dating as something they didn't want to do hung out together and seemed happy. The other half of us, well...we had good cover for excuses since our friends needed the same excuses. It depends on how much your child buys into this. It sounds like he doesn't, so it's really impossible to stop this now. It will be ok either way! Open up communication. You want to know about your kids' lives. I could have used an adult to talk to many times. 15 year old friends are not the best advice givers! |
Anonymous
| PS - it feels very Romeo and Juliet when your parents are dead set against your teenage romance. It will only make their relationship more intense. |
Anonymous
| I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept of forbidding dating until after college. WTF is wrong with some people? |
Anonymous
| PhD here. Met DH 2 weeks before my 15th birthday. Still together 29 years later. |
Anonymous
| Oh, BF means boyfriend. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I bet he was hearing you out.  x infinity
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Anonymous
What's that even supposed to mean? That you think all boys are assholes to those they date? |
Anonymous
No, that things parents say go in one ear and out the other. Surely you've experienced this phenomenon known as selective hearing? |
Anonymous
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Welcome to America! The fact of the matter is that there's different cultural norms here. If you refuse to let her date, she will just hide it from you and it could potentially refuse your future relationship with your daughter.
Would you want a relationship built on distrust and lies? Or would you rather have a healthy relationship where she shares her experiences with you and you can guide her? You only get one chance to get this right, OP. Don't screw her up by being a controlling parent. It never works out. |