How do you know if your kid is faking pain?

[Anonymous]

Op, I think I may understand a little better than some of the pp's responding do to what may have happened. Did your son cry loudly and draw a bunch of attention? And that was why it irritated you? That would irritate me too, and if that is what happened and you didn't give him a bunch of attention for it, you did all you could do. Obviously you can't control how other people respond to your son in a situation like this, so if he's doing it for attention, and he's getting attention from others, it's rewarding him.

I don't know what to tell you about knowing whether he's faking pain or not, but it sounds like you did the right thing. This stage won't last forever, because eventually he will be too embarassed to want all that attention when he hurts himself.

[Anonymous]

Ask if he wants to go for ice cream, or something else irresistible to him. My son will often be just fine doing something he wants to do, and then miserable the next moment. Maybe he wasn't enjoying the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

Not sure if this is OP also, but here is what I do. If he says he hurt his leg. Can you move your foot? Can you stand on it? And you wiggle it? Can you bend it? If it can be done with pain - then it is fine. You acknowledge it hurts, but tell him that he will be fine. I will offer ice. If he says he can't move it, but you are suspicious - then it is a pity he has to leave the party and miss the cake, because you have to get him home (or to the doctor).

I think the key is acknowledging the injury, but not giving too much attention. His leg hurts - make sure it honestly isn't broken (can he move it) and then allow him to sit quietly with ice. Don't gush or hug, or even react negatively. Just - OK, you can sit there with ice.

[Anonymous]

I was totally your kid growing up. My parents were great and I don't know why I faked injuries and illnesses. I'm not at all like that as an adult. Being a kid is so weird.

Try to be unemotionally patient. That's what I remember my parents doing.

[Anonymous]

My child had almost daily pain/injury complaints. Turns out, she has anxiety. CBT has helped tremendously.

FWIW, I found that not believing her and respecting her pain was damaging our relationship. Now I'm supportive. I may not run to the doctor, but I believe her. One time, she did actually have a broken bone and I didn't believe her because she had faked so much. I felt terrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you assume he's faking. I'd take him at his word unless he has a history of faking injury. And what's the big deal anyway - he had to leave a party early?

For a birthday party, I would not encourage him to play through the pain. What's the point? In fact, I can't imagine a scenario when I would encourage a young child to play through the pain.

You and me both.

[Anonymous]

Different people have different pain thresholds. Just biologically and neurologically some people feel more pain than others - it's not all psychological. I am guessing op has a naturally high pain threshold, as she is so unsympathetic, and her son has a low one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child had almost daily pain/injury complaints. Turns out, she has anxiety. CBT has helped tremendously.

FWIW, I found that not believing her and respecting her pain was damaging our relationship. Now I'm supportive. I may not run to the doctor, but I believe her. One time, she did actually have a broken bone and I didn't believe her because she had faked so much. I felt terrible!

More and more scientific evidence is proving that there is a relation between pain and anxiety - and the growing argument is not that the pain is psychological, but that the same biological hardwiring that increases anxiety (serotonin levels etc) also increase pain levels. Same pathways on the brain etc. the person with anxiety may actually feel more pain (and not in a mind over matter way).

[Anonymous]

I thought my 8 year old DS was faking his foot pain for 2 weeks - turned out it was a hairline fracture. I felt so bad...