'closed' adoption agencies

[Anonymous]

Omg. If "closed" adoptions are due to selfish adoptive moms, then "open" adoptions can easily be viewed as selfish birth moms. If a birth mom is a hot mess of substance abuse, immature and irresponsible behavior-- then it is doing the child no favors to continue to have BM making appearances. The continuum should always be based on what is best for the child's interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. If "closed" adoptions are due to selfish adoptive moms, then "open" adoptions can easily be viewed as selfish birth moms. If a birth mom is a hot mess of substance abuse, immature and irresponsible behavior-- then it is doing the child no favors to continue to have BM making appearances. The continuum should always be based on what is best for the child's interests.

Plus 1. I will also say BM does not necessarily need to be a "hot mess" either for a closed adoption to benefit the child.

[Anonymous]

Stop being so judgey. I have a friend who did a closed adoption, because the birth mom felt strongly that it was the only way to keep the child safe from the abusive birth father. Was she right? I don't know. But it's a real concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. If "closed" adoptions are due to selfish adoptive moms, then "open" adoptions can easily be viewed as selfish birth moms. If a birth mom is a hot mess of substance abuse, immature and irresponsible behavior-- then it is doing the child no favors to continue to have BM making appearances. The continuum should always be based on what is best for the child's interests.

Plus 1. I will also say BM does not necessarily need to be a "hot mess" either for a closed adoption to benefit the child.

There are some obtuse people on this thread. Open adoption only means that you know the name of your child's birth parent/s. It does not mean that they will be in your child's life. I am a social worker, and in my experience, most birth parents in open adoptions are not involved in the child's life. Though not all adopted children are interested in contacting their birth families, the vast majority would like (at some point) to at least have the names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. If "closed" adoptions are due to selfish adoptive moms, then "open" adoptions can easily be viewed as selfish birth moms. If a birth mom is a hot mess of substance abuse, immature and irresponsible behavior-- then it is doing the child no favors to continue to have BM making appearances. The continuum should always be based on what is best for the child's interests.

Plus 1. I will also say BM does not necessarily need to be a "hot mess" either for a closed adoption to benefit the child.

There are some obtuse people on this thread. Open adoption only means that you know the name of your child's birth parent/s. It does not mean that they will be in your child's life. I am a social worker, and in my experience, most birth parents in open adoptions are not involved in the child's life. Though not all adopted children are interested in contacting their birth families, the vast majority would like (at some point) to at least have the names.

Open adoption does not mean just knowing the name. I'm a social worker and adoptive mom. Knowing the name with no contact is a closed adopt or semi-open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. If "closed" adoptions are due to selfish adoptive moms, then "open" adoptions can easily be viewed as selfish birth moms. If a birth mom is a hot mess of substance abuse, immature and irresponsible behavior-- then it is doing the child no favors to continue to have BM making appearances. The continuum should always be based on what is best for the child's interests.

I posted pretty early on, and I do think that the OP is being unreasonable. While my son's adoption is open, I don't think that a specific situation, either open or closed, is always right.

I do think, however, that it would be unethical for an agency to do just one type of adoption. When pregnant women start the adoption process they often don't know anything about the legal parameters or the options as far as openness. They probably haven't worked with a counselor to explore their feelings and make a decision about openness. Until they've learned and explored their thinking, they need to keep their options open. If, after learning more about adoption, and working with a counselor, a woman decides that a closed adoption is the right choice for her, or if an agency decides that they can only proceed with a closed or partially open adoption because of concerns about the woman's stability, then that's fine. It's also fine for a potential adoptive parent to ask to only have their profile shared with pregnant women seeking closed adoption situations.

But, for an agency to state up front that they don't do open adoptions at all, isn't ethical, IMO. Just as it wouldn't be ethical for an agency to state that they don't do closed adoptions. Pregnant women deserve choices, and decisions about openness need to be made on a case by case basis.