liberal catholic church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - to answer your question PP - a liberal catholic church would more then likely have a pastor on staff that isn't dead set on strictly following all the "rules" of the church to the nth degree....and they do exist.

i am catholic and my husband is not. he is divorced, hence we were were not married in a catholic church. however, i would like to have our son baptized in the church. and rather then approaching every extremely conservative catholic church in the area, i would like to know where to best start my search, to find a pastor that might understand.

Holy Trinity, we had no problems with baptism, in exactly the same circumstances. (Well, almost)

[Anonymous]

In a liberal Catholic church, you are less likely to hear a sermon on the sin of using birth control.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious to know about the previous poster's experience with Pre-Cana in the Arlington diocese -- I was raised in a family of "liberal" Catholics, and my sister is getting married, and debating whether or not to drag her non-Catholic fiance through pre-cana.

For better or for worse, I think the Catholic church is one of the most heavily institutionalized religions in the world. By this I mean, they are pretty good at making priests/parishes "tow the party line". I don't consider that to be Catholic-bashing -- I consider it to be a fact. That's not to say that they can control every priest or parish. Holy Trinity in G'town has been a "thorn" in the church's side for a long time. But even at a place like Trinity, you will not hear sermons about how birth control is OK, or gay sex is OK - becuase that would be outright defiance to the Church's laws, and the priest would get sacked. But, at a "liberal" church like Trinity, you will hear more sermons about the merits of tolerance, etc., that seem to fly in the face of some of the Church's teachings.

For me, I grew up in Maryland, and even then I had a hard time stomaching some of the sermons I got at my home parish. When I moved to Virginia, I tried several different Catholic churches, and found them all to be intolerable to me. I now go to a Methodist church that I love, and that is more closely aligned with some of my social beliefs.

I know leaving the Catholic fold can be really hard. And its a non-option for some people. But I think the people who have recommended the Episcopalian church are very wise. For myself, I love being in a Methodist church where the pastors can marry, as I find that they talk about (and struggle with) the same issues that are important to me as a mother/wife.

Good luck to you. If I lived closer to Trinity, I might have stayed a practicing Catholic... but I'm quite happy with my current Methodist Church.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for Holy Trinity. It's too far for us to travel to with the kids, so I now attend an Episcopal church. I have to admit that I feel a bit like an impostor, but I just couldn't bring myself to go to or bring my kids to the Catholic churches in our area. And I'm a relatively strict Catholic, just with more of a focus on helping others and serving God than on concerning myself with whether or not my gay friends should have sex (don't even have time to think about whether I should have sex!). Very sad state of affairs here in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a liberal Catholic church, you are less likely to hear a sermon on the sin of using birth control.

I'm a life-long Catholic. I've been a parishioner in 4 different states. I haven't specifically sought out "liberal" churches.

And I've NEVER heard a sermon on the "sin of using birth control" or on the sins of homosexuality.

[Anonymous]

Check out Our Lady Queen of Peace in Arlington. They were the first to announce the return to female altar servers in the Arlington Diocese when Bishop Loverde issued his letter (proclamation?).

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/26/AR2006032601077_pf.html

[Anonymous]

Agree with 22:47 and I grew up and live in VA.

[Anonymous]

In Arlington, +1 for Our Lady Queen of Peace. I now attend St. Ann's in N. Arlington, which I'd also recommend if you have kids. Very family-oriented parish. I suppose I'd just identify it as moderate since other than the occasional homilies delivered on behalf of the bishop or pope for a specific occasion, there is nothing "politically charged" that I've found. They are focused on the faith elements of the religion, as opposed to those social elements (abortion, homosexuality, etc...). Not that I think it is an indicator, but they do have girl altar servers.

For the PP asking about pre-Cana, I totally think it depends on the priest you are dealing with. Our initial pre-Cana sessions were at Blessed Sacrament (I lived in S. Arlington at the time) with a priest and were very disturbing. My husband is Protestant, divorced from a Catholic (but they weren't married in the church so our contention was that the marriage wasn't valid and didn't need anulled). We had a signed affidavit from his ex, still not enough. The priest wanted to interview the parish priest from the parish were she would have belonged when they were married to confirm she didn't go there (in a non-English speaking country). He also lectured us that if we didn't have children of our own, our marriage wouldn't be valid and we would have committed mortal sin. Priest was young -- recovered alcoholic and drug addict who joined the priesthood in his late 20s and was now in his 30s.

Turns out he never turned our paperwork into the Diocese to let us get married, so we called the pastor at Blessed Sacrament and explained the problem. He was an ex-Marine chaplain in his 50s. We explained the situation and he said "Oh, Father Brian. Yes, we've sent him on sabbatical to Europe to help him find some balance. Let me sign your paperwork for you. Have a blessed marriage." That was it. No questions asked.

So, there are some great churches and some wonderful priests in Arlington, just as there are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

In all seriousness- do pre-cana at Holy Trinity.

I got married at St. Stephen Martyr in Foggy Bottom. At the time, there was a laid back Irish Priest there and he told us as we were preparing for marriage to do the weekend pre-cana with DC Diocese as it was an easy way to check the box.

It was a Friday evening and a Saturday event and with each speaker, I needed to search for the nugget of value. I found it insulting to be told about natural family planning by a lay man. Most of the discussion was lead by men - and this was about marriage.

Anyway, my next door neighbor was getting married at the same time and she went to the Holy Trinity Pre-Cana. At the time, it was 1 evening a week for a few weeks and the discussions were over wine. Not sacraemntal wine. It is just an indicator as to the difference in tone of the discussions.

[Anonymous]

Both Catholic or not pre-cana is a great idea. I wish we had done it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It was a Friday evening and a Saturday event and with each speaker, I needed to search for the nugget of value. I found it insulting to be told about natural family planning by a lay man. Most of the discussion was lead by men - and this was about marriage.

Anyway, my next door neighbor was getting married at the same time and she went to the Holy Trinity Pre-Cana. At the time, it was 1 evening a week for a few weeks and the discussions were over wine. Not sacramental wine. It is just an indicator as to the difference in tone of the discussions.

8:44 poster here. You have to do counseling with a priest as well as a pre-Cana weekend or series of sessions. Our's was nutty. Not at any one church, but a weekend wtih folks from churches all over the area. The family planning session was done by a couple with 6 kids, telling us that it worked but they never used it since children were a blessing. Not exactly the right way to show me that family planning can be done without contraceptives, unless by planning you mean "plan to have a lot of kids"! We actually took it with another couple (who are more conservative Catholics than I am) and we all found it hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I have done marriage prep and taught marriage prep at Holy Trinity. They call the course marriage prep. My husband is not Catholic and felt totally comfortable as a participant and leader.

When you get married there you have one or two sessesions with the priest. Then you have a six week course that is led by two couples and the priest sits in on it. You talk about things like holidays, finances, vacations, work life balance. All of the things that people fight about once they get married but often times do not talk about during their engagements.

It is a time to focus on the marriage part and what your expections are instead of what color the linens will be at the reception which can really take up most people's time when they are engaged.

When we were participants they never even mentioned natural family planning. When we taught the priest who was at least in his 70's had us read the official vatican statement and then told us that as long as whatever decision we made was made with mutual respect and love that it was fine.

Holy Trinity is a wonderful place. I have been a member for 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for Holy Trinity. We love it!

[Anonymous]

OP - you are getting ahead of yourself and making assumptions. The very first thing you should do is just ASK YOUR PRIEST. Very simple. Call your priest, at your parish, and tell him your situation. I think most parishes simply require a godparent who is a Catholic "in good standing." I don't think anyone would deny your child baptism because one of their parents had been divorced. If I'm wrong, THEN go find another church that can help you out.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who discussed the poor experience with Pre-Cana. To be clear, my priest and the deacon and St. Charles Borromeo were wonderful. No complaints there. And, though they did mention the church line about Birth Control, they also were realistic and openly acknowledged that something like 80% of practicing catholics used BC. They didn't beat us down with this issue, which I appreciated.

The issue I had with my pre-cana experience was that you had to do a couple weekend. One alternative was at a place where you had to go and spend a weekend away. They priest said this was the better course, but of course you had to go away for an entire weekend.

The other alternative was one in Arlington (another church) and he had gotten a LOT of complaints about it (very, very conservative and people found it offensive). We knew that going in but I will say I still found it quite shocking.

Very little had to do with actual marriage prep. There was much about Birth Control (very preachy and they dodged a lot of questions on this issue). There was quite a lot of time spent on abortion, which was not relevant or appropriate. We were labeled as "cafeteria catholics" and basically told that we were not welcome (almost those exact words). One woman "teacher" was lecturing the women in the group (and JUST the women) that if we were having sex before marriage she screeched for us to "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!" Why? Because men want that white dress to mean something and don't want a women whose been around the block. While they are entitled to their dogma on premarital sex, the tone of delivery and fact it was directed ONLY to the women was offensive and sexist. They dodged uncomfortable questions all weekend, as well.

Maybe some of you would find this type of thing acceptable and fine. I did not. I thought it was offensive, sexist and divisive and much of it not related to marriage prep whatsoever. We discussed this with our priest afterwards and he was very understanding and sort of exasperated at what occurred at these "retreats."

I don't know if these things still occur or not as we've been married for some years now. But that was my experience. Church (a "liberal" one: great; the diocese "retreat": really, really awful.)