My sister is a horrible mother

[Anonymous]

Call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Does your sister get shit faced with the kids by herself? I guess my question is if she made a bad choice knowing there were other adults around to care for the kids (Maybe she rarely gets a break) or if she is actually drunk parenting otherwise.

The diaper thing is just gross.

The cookies in the carpet is annoying but kind of one of those "if you had kids you'd understand" things. I assume the kids weren't smashing them in the carpet on purpose.

Hee friend being shocked tells me she either isn't normally like that or that she is good at hiding it and probably an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your sister's behavior was ideal to say the least. Definitely the dirty diapers thing is gross. That said, I'd cut her some slack.

She's on vacation and probably thinks (perhaps wrongly so) that since you're childless that you would naturally step in and help with the kids so she can just cut loose a bit.

Next time, don't extend an invite. You live and you learn.

[Anonymous]

^^ And I'll add that you really shouldn't call her a horrible mother over this. That's a deep dig.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is like this. When she knows me and my DH are around, she knows we'll take care of her daughter so she basically washes her hands of her. It's awful. Because the girl knows she's being ignored so that mommy can get wasted and then all she wants is her mother. Who is drunk and just keeps looking around the room saying "why isn't she in bed yet?" like it's someone else's problem.

After a horror show one Thanksgiving I refuse to ever stay at her house again. Vacations I probably can't get out of. But in some ways I feel like we need to be their for my niece, but good god my SIL makes me want to smack her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ And I'll add that you really shouldn't call her a horrible mother over this. That's a deep dig.

So if hitting, yelling, filth and neglect don't mean she is a bad mother, what does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ And I'll add that you really shouldn't call her a horrible mother over this. That's a deep dig.

So if hitting, yelling, filth and neglect don't mean she is a bad mother, what does?

I forgot to add alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call CPS.

And be prepared to take them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you British? I guess you aren't, otherwise you would have referred to cigarettes as "fags." But your sister sounds very British.

You took the words out of my mouth.

[Anonymous]

OP,you could not live in England. You'll be calling the NSPCC for all your friends' kids. LOL
That sounds like a typical holiday situation when our family gets together with my husband's brother's family ( they're British, I'm not). Everyone pissed as farts and having a jolly old time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I drink pretty liberally when I'm on vacation with my kids but never get uber wasted and wouldn't dream of leaving dirty diapers all over. But, try to cut her some slack for the vacation thing. now, if this is Tuesday night at home. No Bueno

No, dont' cut her slack. She and her husband sound like alcoholics. You bring up drunkenness repeatedly, and they drink to the point of passing out -- when they have young children in their care. I find it very hard to believe they drink this much only on vacation and are attentive parents when at home.

OP, I think you have a case of alcoholics married to each other who are enabling each other's drinking. If that's the case, these two kids have NO adult in their daily lives to keep them even basically safe, much less to help them grow up normally....I am at a loss, because usually we could all say, you need to talk with and work with the sober spouse to get the alcoholic spouse help, but you cant even do that here.

I might try visiting them in their home a few times soon and seeing if the drinking is going on at the same pace there but it seems sure that it is going on at some level. As for what to do for these poor kids -- you might have to get others involved if both parents "drink like fish" at home as well as on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-they never enforced my "no food anywhere but in the kitchen" rule and allowed the kids to smash cookies and chips into the carpet.

You rented a condo. Why do you care where people eat? You vacuum up the place before you go, and then they use the standard cleaning fee to clean the place for the next group.

I have no doubt that your sister views you as uptight and out of touch. Maybe......just maybe.....she behaved the way she did as a passive aggressive rebellion against your unreasonableness and rules.

She and her husband may not have been as out of control as you thought they were....she may have been trying to make you lose control by being provocative.

You both lived in chaos. Now you are a control freak. I'm not judging -- I lived in chaos, and now I'm a control freak too. I totally get it. But I can call a spade a spade. If you were less uptight, I would agree that she might be spiraling down. But instead I think she (and hubbie) might have been baiting you. Just something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-they never enforced my "no food anywhere but in the kitchen" rule and allowed the kids to smash cookies and chips into the carpet.

You rented a condo. Why do you care where people eat? You vacuum up the place before you go, and then they use the standard cleaning fee to clean the place for the next group.

I have no doubt that your sister views you as uptight and out of touch. Maybe......just maybe.....she behaved the way she did as a passive aggressive rebellion against your unreasonableness and rules.

She and her husband may not have been as out of control as you thought they were....she may have been trying to make you lose control by being provocative.

You both lived in chaos. Now you are a control freak. I'm not judging -- I lived in chaos, and now I'm a control freak too. I totally get it. But I can call a spade a spade. If you were less uptight, I would agree that she might be spiraling down. But instead I think she (and hubbie) might have been baiting you. Just something to consider.

Smashing food into the carpet doesn't lead to normal cleaning. The caroet would have to be steam cleaned.
Who does that? Not wanting a rented condo to be trashed is hardly being a control freak.