Sex & dinner Date

[Anonymous]

Men, this is why you only act cool with women until you have sex with them, aka you get what YOU want.

[Anonymous]

Too much missing from this story.

The guy might have been led on. OP needs to connect for us how things moved from an acceptance for a dinner date, making out (on the sofa), and then put a cold stop to things progressing organically.

Every person, BOTH MEN AND WOMEN have a right to say yes or no to sex, but OP has omitted too much from this account for me to attempt painting this guy's true colors. He could have been a perfect gentleman, felt like things were right, and then can't handle the embarrassment/insult of rejection because OP checked out.

So OP has to be more forthcoming here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much missing from this story.

The guy might have been led on. OP needs to connect for us how things moved from an acceptance for a dinner date, making out (on the sofa), and then put a cold stop to things progressing organically.

Every person, BOTH MEN AND WOMEN have a right to say yes or no to sex, but OP has omitted too much from this account for me to attempt painting this guy's true colors. He could have been a perfect gentleman, felt like things were right, and then can't handle the embarrassment/insult of rejection because OP checked out.

So OP has to be more forthcoming here.

He's probably busy having sex with someone else. Funny how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men, this is why you only act cool with women until you have sex with them, aka you get what YOU want.

What *I* want is someone who wants to have sex. Not someone who is bartering sex for something else. So, yeah, I guess.

[Anonymous]

If I am casually dating more than one man, there is no way health-wise I am going to have sex with one of them until we are exclusive. That is why I don't allow any one man to monopolize my time or pace the relationship, so he can have sex by the third date. Ain't happening.

[Anonymous]

Dates out until about the 10th date. No way would I have dinner at a man's house on the 2nd date.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me so grateful to be in a relationship and not dating.

[Anonymous]

Op here- thanks for all of the input.

We weren't suppose to have dinner at his house originally, we were going to meet out. The majority of that day I was at a funeral and he knew I had an emotional day. He text me while at the service and asked me if I'd be up for him making me this dish he had told me about earlier. In all honesty, I was tired from two days of funeral events that actually not going out to a restaraunt sounded great. Sex really was the last thing on my mind. We had a lot of great conversation, we started kissing and some heavy petting...mostly him playing with my breasts. he asked if I like to go to the bedroom and I said, no I thought it was a bad idea, that I didn't think we should have sex that night. . He was fine with that. We talked more, drank more wine and kissed more. Finally I said that I needed to head home, it was getting late and he was fine - we actually texted for awhile once I got home. It was a few days later that things started getting really icy. I'm far from naive or a prude and actually have slept with some guys on the first or second date....I just wasn't up to it. Maybe I led him on my kissing him but it's not like I was playing with his junk and then backed off. I didn't. All clothes on both of us stayed on. I talked to him on the phone two days afterwards and he debated me on everything I said, picked on me - seemed he was looking for a fight. The thing is I'm very attracted to him and probably would've slept with him next time I saw him. That night just wasn't the night.

I sent him brief text the next 2 days after our icy phone conversation, he would reply but very brief. I didn't text him yesterday or today and he hadn't text me. I may be crazy but I'd actually like to see him again. But at this point I'm not even sure what to say. I do think that if he's pissed that I didn't sleep with him because he thought I owed it to him, then it does show his true colors. Also, he's a very high ranking retired military officer and I think he's very use to getting his way. Which means he probably acts this way every time he doesn't get his way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- thanks for all of the input.

We weren't suppose to have dinner at his house originally, we were going to meet out. The majority of that day I was at a funeral and he knew I had an emotional day. He text me while at the service and asked me if I'd be up for him making me this dish he had told me about earlier. In all honesty, I was tired from two days of funeral events that actually not going out to a restaraunt sounded great. Sex really was the last thing on my mind. We had a lot of great conversation, we started kissing and some heavy petting...mostly him playing with my breasts. he asked if I like to go to the bedroom and I said, no I thought it was a bad idea, that I didn't think we should have sex that night. . He was fine with that. We talked more, drank more wine and kissed more. Finally I said that I needed to head home, it was getting late and he was fine - we actually texted for awhile once I got home. It was a few days later that things started getting really icy. I'm far from naive or a prude and actually have slept with some guys on the first or second date....I just wasn't up to it. Maybe I led him on my kissing him but it's not like I was playing with his junk and then backed off. I didn't. All clothes on both of us stayed on. I talked to him on the phone two days afterwards and he debated me on everything I said, picked on me - seemed he was looking for a fight. The thing is I'm very attracted to him and probably would've slept with him next time I saw him. That night just wasn't the night.

I sent him brief text the next 2 days after our icy phone conversation, he would reply but very brief. I didn't text him yesterday or today and he hadn't text me. I may be crazy but I'd actually like to see him again. But at this point I'm not even sure what to say. I do think that if he's pissed that I didn't sleep with him because he thought I owed it to him, then it does show his true colors. Also, he's a very high ranking retired military officer and I think he's very use to getting his way. Which means he probably acts this way every time he doesn't get his way?

Ok, with that context, my best advice is to back off and move on. No matter how much you like him, if you don't back off you will end up chasing him, then he will sleep with you, then dump you. He resents what happened and, as a man I am almost certain this will not end well if you persist.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- thanks for all of the input.

We weren't suppose to have dinner at his house originally, we were going to meet out. The majority of that day I was at a funeral and he knew I had an emotional day. He text me while at the service and asked me if I'd be up for him making me this dish he had told me about earlier. In all honesty, I was tired from two days of funeral events that actually not going out to a restaraunt sounded great. Sex really was the last thing on my mind. We had a lot of great conversation, we started kissing and some heavy petting...mostly him playing with my breasts. he asked if I like to go to the bedroom and I said, no I thought it was a bad idea, that I didn't think we should have sex that night. . He was fine with that. We talked more, drank more wine and kissed more. Finally I said that I needed to head home, it was getting late and he was fine - we actually texted for awhile once I got home. It was a few days later that things started getting really icy. I'm far from naive or a prude and actually have slept with some guys on the first or second date....I just wasn't up to it. Maybe I led him on my kissing him but it's not like I was playing with his junk and then backed off. I didn't. All clothes on both of us stayed on. I talked to him on the phone two days afterwards and he debated me on everything I said, picked on me - seemed he was looking for a fight. The thing is I'm very attracted to him and probably would've slept with him next time I saw him. That night just wasn't the night.

I sent him brief text the next 2 days after our icy phone conversation, he would reply but very brief. I didn't text him yesterday or today and he hadn't text me. I may be crazy but I'd actually like to see him again. But at this point I'm not even sure what to say. I do think that if he's pissed that I didn't sleep with him because he thought I owed it to him, then it does show his true colors. Also, he's a very high ranking retired military officer and I think he's very use to getting his way. Which means he probably acts this way every time he doesn't get his way?

Ok, with that context, my best advice is to back off and move on. No matter how much you like him, if you don't back off you will end up chasing him, then he will sleep with you, then dump you. He resents what happened and, as a man I am almost certain this will not end well if you persist.

Move on.

Op here - I know I should move on but guess am hoping I could see him again. Why, I'm not sure...right now he seems like an ass. I also think that even if I had sex with him that night, he would've dumped me. Any thoughts men on that?

[Anonymous]

He is not being nice to you. He is actually being an ass. Why are you still talking about him? You had only two dates. I dated a lot of military guys. They like to come hot and heavy at first and then cool off very fast. I guess the conquering mentality. You just don't need this drama in your life. Back off and forget about him. He will find you if he needs you. But honestly judging from his behavior you don't need him at all in your life.

[Anonymous]

If anything, he's an ass for trying/hoping to take advantage of your (understandably lousy) post-funeral emotional state, which he knew the circumstances of in advance. What if you'd been dating 6 months, had had sex dozens of times and didn't want to have sex after a funeral? Would he get pissy with you then? I think you got a preview screening of his true colors. He wants what he wants, when he wants it, your reality and feelings should not get in the way of that. It's not someone I'd choose to be in relationship with.

That said, I do think to avoid these kinds of things in the future, you'll do yourself a service if you avoid going to his house/having him come to yours with anyone you've met online until you are at least 4-5 dates in, just for safety's sake.

[Anonymous]

When you told him the bedroom was a bad idea, he recognized that you are looking for something more than a sexual relationship, and he's clearly not interested in the same. If you do get together again, and you have sex, you may have some fun but I highly doubt he would become your BF. You are looking for different things, and he has behaved disrespectfully toward you. if you weren't so sexually attracted to him you'd probably never want to speak to him again.

[Anonymous]

So you want to spend more time and actually have sex with someone who you predict will dump you and has been somewhat rude to you??

Wow, are you really that messed up? You need to be calling a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you told him the bedroom was a bad idea, he recognized that you are looking for something more than a sexual relationship, and he's clearly not interested in the same. If you do get together again, and you have sex, you may have some fun but I highly doubt he would become your BF. You are looking for different things, and he has behaved disrespectfully toward you. if you weren't so sexually attracted to him you'd probably never want to speak to him again.

Op here - thanks everyone for the reality check!! I know he's an ass and should forget him and plan on doing just that. The last sentence in the post quoted is so true....if I wasn't sexually attracted to him I'd never want to speak to him again because of his behavior. And I definitely won't contact him again. For someone who claims to be an " Officer and a Gentleman" I certainly don't see the gentleman side. And looking back, I know that going to his house was wrong on so many issues...I was mentally & physically tired and just wasn't thinking right.

Chalk it up as a lesson learned and another ass I've met online!! where does a single upper 40 something meet a nice man?