My almost 5 year is perceiving differences that don't exist

[Anonymous]

Yup, sounds familiar! Your child is jealous and at his age incapable of perceiving reality (adults are bad at this, too, but kids are worse) through the filter of his immediate experience.

So you can distract, "The important thing is that you got to read a story! I love reading to you. What did you like best about Dr. Piggywiggle Meets a Monster?"

Or reframe the goodness of being second: "Some might say staying in the bath longer is good, because you get to enjoy it longer."

And reinforce: "Your mommy and daddy love you both so much! We love giving you snuggles after bathtime and we love reading you stories. For us, that's the most important thing. Do you want a snuggle right now, I know I'd like to get one from you!"

Sometimes at my worst I say, "OMG, stop it! That's nonsense and you know it. Sometimes you're out first, sometimes your sister is, but either way, it DOES. NOT. MATTER. So please calm down. I can't listen to silly crankiness right now." <-- This is me out of exasperation, but I don't think it works as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might also just reflective listen to the kid before explaining that he's wrong. Probably wouldn't hurt to just say, you're feeling like you're not getting enough attention, is that it? And then explain what's going on.

+1

[Anonymous]

I say this to my kids when they cry about things not being fair--

The only fair I know gives prizes to animals.

[Anonymous]

You are trying too hard to be equal. It's more important that you meet their needs where they are at. My five year old complains about things like bath time and says "it's not fair! little sister gets a longer bath!" etc.
I often say to my 5 year old "Fair doesn't mean equal. It means getting what each person needs." It works!

[Anonymous]

OP: Thank you all for you responses. I honestly never thought about the sibling rival perspective. My sister is almost 7.5 years younger than me, so we weren't rivals. She was the baby and I kind of understood that. Through the rivalry lens it make makes perfect sense. I will give extra love to the four year old and see if this changes anything. I will also read up on the issue.

[Anonymous]

No you don't need to give "extra love" you just need to repeat "we treat you both the same, you are both loved equally, sometimes you're first and sometimes she is first - but it all works out"

[Anonymous]

OMG tell DC to shut up

ok, that's harsh, but really ~ don't indulge this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Siblings Without Rivalry. This isn't about misperceptions, it's about sibling rivalry.

THIS, you are misunderstanding the issue OP.

[Anonymous]

My kids do this, they are 7 and 4. It drives me crazy, CRAZY!!!!

[Anonymous]

Kids are people. Amazing how many parents don't seem to get this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are people. Amazing how many parents don't seem to get this.

+1. When there's smoke, there's at least a tiny fire.

[Anonymous]

"It's not a contest." Every.Single.Time. Don't engage or invite any emotion or drama-- say that and refuse to say anything else. You're pleading your case when you don't have to!

[Anonymous]

Sounds just like my 5yo.