Finances- how do you split responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All money is 100% shared, no his and hers money. I (DH) do everything financial related. I pay every bill, manage every investment. It's just the dynamic we fell into. I feel like she needs to be up to speed in the event anything happens to me (and she agrees) but whenever we try she glazes over and forgets everything quickly.

We have no specific agreements on spending limits and trust each other to use good judgement.

Married 22 years.

This is me, only I'm the DW who does everything. Married 22 years as well.

[Anonymous]

We both work full time. DH earns quite a bit more than I do. I handle household bills (phone, cable, utilities) and medical bills since we are on my insurance. DH handles big picture finances-investing, the mortgage. He was an econ major and I was a lit major so this division makes sense in our family. He always talks with me before making any big financial decisions, but I've never felt like he was making bad money decisions. We both keep an eye on our money and let each other know when we're being too spendy. We also discuss budgets for holiday gifts for each other.

[Anonymous]

When I worked, we just each paid specific bills depending on who had what money and what was going on. After I stopped working, we put his paycheck in the joint and I generally pay all the bills and take care of most everything, including shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bothered work full time. We have separate accounts and each manage our own money. We split the bills. Eg. He pays the mortgage, I pay property taxes. He pays utilities, I buy all the groceries. We might "share" on a big purchase,but in general one of us picks up the " tab" and it washes out with other purchases because the other person balances it out.

It works for us. I know a lot of couples would be mortified, but really, we don't argue about finances and everything clicks. Neither of us is accountable to the other one if we want to make a personal purchase, either.

My DH and I are similar, except he's awful at saving so he pays the majority of the bills (mortgage, childcare, most utilities) and I am responsible for ensuring that our agreed amount goes into our shared savings account each month.

[Anonymous]

He is the sole bread winner, I am a SAHM. I am the one that actually sits down and pays the bills each month. He is completely clueless about our finances. I hate it. I have asked him before to just sit down with me, so I can show him our bills, the system I have for paying (which ones online, which ones are automatic withdrawals, there is still one bill I pay the old fashioned way--check, etc.) Also, I would just like him to know how much our bills are. I don't think he has a clue if our monthly electric bill is $40 or $400, or somewhere in between.
So I have asked him, even BEGGED him to just sit down with me so I can show him-but he refuses.

Since he chooses to remain clueless about our finances, he always has to ask me before any purchase. I hate it because then he gets mad at me if I have to tell him no, we can't afford XYZ, he accuses me of "taking" all his money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question - what is the actual task "pay the bills". Aren't they all on autopay and it takes 5 seconds to skim?

Some are auto-withdrawals, some are a few clicks on a website, one of them is a large check (daycare). The point is, if I (husband, in this case) am going to be responsible for actually logging in to do this each month, making sure the money is in the account and available to make deadlines, writing the checks, then call me and clear it before you go on a shopping spree. Not asking for much. I'd guess most people who handle everything feel similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is the sole bread winner, I am a SAHM. I am the one that actually sits down and pays the bills each month. He is completely clueless about our finances. I hate it. I have asked him before to just sit down with me, so I can show him our bills, the system I have for paying (which ones online, which ones are automatic withdrawals, there is still one bill I pay the old fashioned way--check, etc.) Also, I would just like him to know how much our bills are. I don't think he has a clue if our monthly electric bill is $40 or $400, or somewhere in between.
So I have asked him, even BEGGED him to just sit down with me so I can show him-but he refuses.

Since he chooses to remain clueless about our finances, he always has to ask me before any purchase. I hate it because then he gets mad at me if I have to tell him no, we can't afford XYZ, he accuses me of "taking" all his money!

Try signing up for Mint.com. Nice easy to read graphs about where the money is going, what's in savings accounts, that kinda thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We bothered work full time. We have separate accounts and each manage our own money. We split the bills. Eg. He pays the mortgage, I pay property taxes. He pays utilities, I buy all the groceries. We might "share" on a big purchase,but in general one of us picks up the " tab" and it washes out with other purchases because the other person balances it out.

It works for us. I know a lot of couples would be mortified, but really, we don't argue about finances and everything clicks. Neither of us is accountable to the other one if we want to make a personal purchase, either.

So you plan separately for retirement, and don't consider asset allocation over both of your holdings?

Because our money is separate does not mean we don't address it as a collective unit long term. I know some people like to see a savings going into "their" pool. We just don't need or do that. We discuss, plan, and see a financial advisor together. We just don't commingle money like other people do. We still refer to it all as our money.

I know it wouldn't work for most couples. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We bothered work full time. We have separate accounts and each manage our own money. We split the bills. Eg. He pays the mortgage, I pay property taxes. He pays utilities, I buy all the groceries. We might "share" on a big purchase,but in general one of us picks up the " tab" and it washes out with other purchases because the other person balances it out.

It works for us. I know a lot of couples would be mortified, but really, we don't argue about finances and everything clicks. Neither of us is accountable to the other one if we want to make a personal purchase, either.

So you plan separately for retirement, and don't consider asset allocation over both of your holdings?

Because our money is separate does not mean we don't address it as a collective unit long term. I know some people like to see a savings going into "their" pool. We just don't need or do that. We discuss, plan, and see a financial advisor together. We just don't commingle money like other people do and don't manage it as a pool the way some couples do. As long as the check boxes are fulfilled (bills paid, other stuff accounted for) I don't really care if he wants an extra paid or shoes and I want to save every penny that month.

I know it wouldn't work for most couples. It works for us.