Family member that brings dog into OUR house and encourages dog to sit on furniture

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules.

You need to grow a backbone and tell them straight to their faces "That dog doesn't enter this house anymore. Either you leave the dog at home or you may not enter this house either."

It IS that simple, unless YOU make it more difficult for yourself...

[Anonymous]

OP. I have a step mother with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, unofficially diagnosed by multiple people including a therapist....

Anyway, I hear you. Its not possible. Short of making a big scene and then YOU become the terrible person that doesnt understand. Its exhausting.

Sometimes what I do with my step mother is I throw her a bone, give her something to do, something to appeal to her ego. So, for example, I asked her to throw a party for my DD's birthday, because "you're so good at it". The real reason: its the only way DD will be able to see my father because NPD step mom controls him 100% of the time and blocks him in any way necessary from havivng a real relationship with me, his only child, or my daughter, his only grandchild.

IN this case, its a toughie. You could ask them to research and purchase the best dog quilts for the furniture "so the dear pups and be comfy on the furniture". You know how that kind of shit works with a narcissist. Frighteningly well.

Just an idea. I am sorry. ITs not very good, but I just wanted you to know I know exactly what you are talking about.

It is possible, but you are, understandably, not willing to deal with the consequences of doing it. But, please remember and take into account that what you are doing is teaching YOUR child to capitulate to emotional dysfunction and manipulation. You are allowing this woman to now and in the future to manipulate and control your child. Are you willing to do this? This is leaving your kid open to all kinds of enabling of unhealthy relationships in her adult life. I'm not trying to be mean, just want to be sure you have a full understanding.


I appreciate your concern, and I do know this already. You dont know the complete facts, which I didnt give because this post is not about me.

But in summary: I keep my child away from the narcissist 99.9% of the time and I talk honestly about exactly what she is with my daughter. NPD step mom is really just my dads wife to me. She married him 10 years ago. My biological mom is dead. So I didnt grow up with this harpie parasite. However, because my father is one of my daughters few remaining relatives, I do go to see him and the only way to do that is at his home under the NPD's watchful eye.

So DD and I know and talk exactly about the manipulation and the dysfunction, and we visit my dad because when we didnt, his health declined and the NPD wife allowed him to become gravely ill without informing us.

The real cruelty about NPD is the way these people "pass" to so many that the real horror of what they actually are is known only to a few who then become villified for recognizing something is awfully wrong. It was a concrete decision to let my daughter know, who is still only 8, that the things she has noticed arent right about this woman are due to something specific and unfixable. I never fail to let her know to never ever trust her or to believe she is capable of true feelings for her.

So, one might say I continually inoculate her. And Im not stopping till the day I die.

Im sorry to hear your understanding of the problem is so complete. It means youve been down a hard road.

I just realized I assumed you arent OP. But are you?

Wow. What a horrible thing to do to an eight year old child. You have some serious issues, PP, and they are most definitely your issues. You need therapy to deal with your obvious hate and stop "innoculating" your poor child.

It's especially telling that you say your allegedly horrible SM has NPD that has been "unofficially diagnosed" by many people, including a therapist. How would you know this? I'm guessing you don't. These unofficial people are your friends, maybe your therapist, who just hear your hateful speech and tell you want you want to hear.

You hate her. Fine. Don't deal with her. Avoid her. Keep it to yourself. But making armchair diagnoses to justify filling your daughter's head with your hate is just beyond the pale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP. I have a step mother with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, unofficially diagnosed by multiple people including a therapist....

Anyway, I hear you. Its not possible. Short of making a big scene and then YOU become the terrible person that doesnt understand. Its exhausting.

Sometimes what I do with my step mother is I throw her a bone, give her something to do, something to appeal to her ego. So, for example, I asked her to throw a party for my DD's birthday, because "you're so good at it". The real reason: its the only way DD will be able to see my father because NPD step mom controls him 100% of the time and blocks him in any way necessary from havivng a real relationship with me, his only child, or my daughter, his only grandchild.

IN this case, its a toughie. You could ask them to research and purchase the best dog quilts for the furniture "so the dear pups and be comfy on the furniture". You know how that kind of shit works with a narcissist. Frighteningly well.

Just an idea. I am sorry. ITs not very good, but I just wanted you to know I know exactly what you are talking about.

It is possible, but you are, understandably, not willing to deal with the consequences of doing it. But, please remember and take into account that what you are doing is teaching YOUR child to capitulate to emotional dysfunction and manipulation. You are allowing this woman to now and in the future to manipulate and control your child. Are you willing to do this? This is leaving your kid open to all kinds of enabling of unhealthy relationships in her adult life. I'm not trying to be mean, just want to be sure you have a full understanding.


I appreciate your concern, and I do know this already. You dont know the complete facts, which I didnt give because this post is not about me.

But in summary: I keep my child away from the narcissist 99.9% of the time and I talk honestly about exactly what she is with my daughter. NPD step mom is really just my dads wife to me. She married him 10 years ago. My biological mom is dead. So I didnt grow up with this harpie parasite. However, because my father is one of my daughters few remaining relatives, I do go to see him and the only way to do that is at his home under the NPD's watchful eye.

So DD and I know and talk exactly about the manipulation and the dysfunction, and we visit my dad because when we didnt, his health declined and the NPD wife allowed him to become gravely ill without informing us.

The real cruelty about NPD is the way these people "pass" to so many that the real horror of what they actually are is known only to a few who then become villified for recognizing something is awfully wrong. It was a concrete decision to let my daughter know, who is still only 8, that the things she has noticed arent right about this woman are due to something specific and unfixable. I never fail to let her know to never ever trust her or to believe she is capable of true feelings for her.

So, one might say I continually inoculate her. And Im not stopping till the day I die.

Im sorry to hear your understanding of the problem is so complete. It means youve been down a hard road.

I just realized I assumed you arent OP. But are you?

Wow. What a horrible thing to do to an eight year old child. You have some serious issues, PP, and they are most definitely your issues. You need therapy to deal with your obvious hate and stop "innoculating" your poor child.

It's especially telling that you say your allegedly horrible SM has NPD that has been "unofficially diagnosed" by many people, including a therapist. How would you know this? I'm guessing you don't. These unofficial people are your friends, maybe your therapist, who just hear your hateful speech and tell you want you want to hear.

You hate her. Fine. Don't deal with her. Avoid her. Keep it to yourself. But making armchair diagnoses to justify filling your daughter's head with your hate is just beyond the pale.

+1. I don't care how damaging this person is. Tell your child that SM has a condition that makes her X,Y,Z or keep your child away unless you are accompanying her, but to put the burden of being watchful and mistrustful and defensive and protective on an 8 year old? Lady, you are a piece of work.