Does your MIL give your husband a Father's Day gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't see this as really relevant - I just don't think that any of this warrants your own mother giving you a present on mother's day because you are yourself a mother, to me that takes away from your celebrating her.

But everyone celebrates holidays differently - I would just prefer this not be the way it is celebrated in my family.

To me, you are like the bride and groom who specify "no boxed gifts" to mean they want cash only. Or the ones who put money trees out at showers or weddings.

If someone does something kind for you, act gracious and thank them. You can't dictate how people are kind to you. Well some people try, but they just come off as rude or obnoxious. Just be gracious, thank your in-laws and then use, regift, return or donate said gift depending on if it suits you. Don't try to change them or you may find yourself coming on here complaining about how your in-laws just ignore you and don't ever do anything for you.

Rebuffing courtesies is why the country is a lot less friendly than it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't see this as really relevant - I just don't think that any of this warrants your own mother giving you a present on mother's day because you are yourself a mother, to me that takes away from your celebrating her.

But everyone celebrates holidays differently - I would just prefer this not be the way it is celebrated in my family.

To me, you are like the bride and groom who specify "no boxed gifts" to mean they want cash only. Or the ones who put money trees out at showers or weddings.

If someone does something kind for you, act gracious and thank them. You can't dictate how people are kind to you. Well some people try, but they just come off as rude or obnoxious. Just be gracious, thank your in-laws and then use, regift, return or donate said gift depending on if it suits you. Don't try to change them or you may find yourself coming on here complaining about how your in-laws just ignore you and don't ever do anything for you.

Rebuffing courtesies is why the country is a lot less friendly than it used to be.

Dude, I DON'T actually respond by rebuffing - I'm just saying this is not how I would prefer things to be, SINCE ASKED AN OPINION. Honestly if the relationship is close enough for it to be ok for me to say something about it (like for my mom I'd just say "dude, mom! what the heck - i'm supposed to get YOU something!"), then it's pretty much a non-issue already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks you're good parents. Maybe she loves you and is happy to find one more way to buy a present and let you know.

Exactly. Sometimes my mom sends me a gift, just because. Sometimes I do the same for her.
No strings attached. However I do understand the pp whose family evident has complicated emotional ties that come with expectations of reciprocity and strings attached. I think that is sad, but a real dynamic in a lot of families. But it really has nothing to do with any holiday. The holiday is just another occasion/opportunity for that dysfunction to play itself out.

"just because" gifts are totally different! Those are great. It's being a slave to Hallmark I have a problem with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't see this as really relevant - I just don't think that any of this warrants your own mother giving you a present on mother's day because you are yourself a mother, to me that takes away from your celebrating her.

But everyone celebrates holidays differently - I would just prefer this not be the way it is celebrated in my family.

To me, you are like the bride and groom who specify "no boxed gifts" to mean they want cash only. Or the ones who put money trees out at showers or weddings.

If someone does something kind for you, act gracious and thank them. You can't dictate how people are kind to you. Well some people try, but they just come off as rude or obnoxious. Just be gracious, thank your in-laws and then use, regift, return or donate said gift depending on if it suits you. Don't try to change them or you may find yourself coming on here complaining about how your in-laws just ignore you and don't ever do anything for you.

Rebuffing courtesies is why the country is a lot less friendly than it used to be.

PS, I don't see the comparison with the cash only thing. The issue is the appropriateness of the gift giver and recipient, not the gift itself.

FWIW, I am about to get married soon and find the cash only thing tacky, but we don't have room for any stuff so we're going to have a charity registry. How do you feel about that?

[Anonymous]

No, but nothing wrong with it. I only know a couple people who do this. I give my DH and my dad presents on Father's Day. My dad does not give DH a present nor would his parent(s) have done so. My mom doesn't give me (or my DD, who's a mom now) a present on Mother's Day. I give my mom a present on Mother's Day. My DD gives me something on Mother's Day. My DD gets a present from her child. That's how we do it. We have a tradition of giving a present to our own mom or MIL, not to our children once they become a parent.But nothing wrong with that if it's your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't see this as really relevant - I just don't think that any of this warrants your own mother giving you a present on mother's day because you are yourself a mother, to me that takes away from your celebrating her.

But everyone celebrates holidays differently - I would just prefer this not be the way it is celebrated in my family.

To me, you are like the bride and groom who specify "no boxed gifts" to mean they want cash only. Or the ones who put money trees out at showers or weddings.

If someone does something kind for you, act gracious and thank them. You can't dictate how people are kind to you. Well some people try, but they just come off as rude or obnoxious. Just be gracious, thank your in-laws and then use, regift, return or donate said gift depending on if it suits you. Don't try to change them or you may find yourself coming on here complaining about how your in-laws just ignore you and don't ever do anything for you.

Rebuffing courtesies is why the country is a lot less friendly than it used to be.

PS, I don't see the comparison with the cash only thing. The issue is the appropriateness of the gift giver and recipient, not the gift itself.

The comparison is that you like those brides/grooms are specifying how someone should celebrate an occasion and acknowledgment of you. You only want your children to give you gifts on Mother's Day, but they want to honor you as the mother of their grandchildren. It's rude to not be gracious and polite when someone is kind to you and gives you a gift. If you want to encourage different behavior, you can ask your husband to talk to them, not because he's a man, but because he's their son. As their child, he can talk to them about how their gifts on Mother's Day make you feel uncomfortable. It's still rude, but family can get away with breaches of etiquette better than others can. I know that you are their daughter now by marriage, but still that's a subject that can be touchy to many and you might damage your relationship with them if you bring this up yourself. He's not likely to damage his relationship with his own mother and father if he broaches the subject.

FWIW, I am about to get married soon and find the cash only thing tacky, but we don't have room for any stuff so we're going to have a charity registry. How do you feel about that?

As long as you only give out the registry when asked, it's fine. People who ask are looking for suggestions. Just don't put the registry info on the invitation or give it out unsolicited and you're fine. And even when you get big (size) gifts that you don't have room for, be gracious, thank them appropriately and find a polite way to dispose of it discreetly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't see this as really relevant - I just don't think that any of this warrants your own mother giving you a present on mother's day because you are yourself a mother, to me that takes away from your celebrating her.

But everyone celebrates holidays differently - I would just prefer this not be the way it is celebrated in my family.

To me, you are like the bride and groom who specify "no boxed gifts" to mean they want cash only. Or the ones who put money trees out at showers or weddings.

If someone does something kind for you, act gracious and thank them. You can't dictate how people are kind to you. Well some people try, but they just come off as rude or obnoxious. Just be gracious, thank your in-laws and then use, regift, return or donate said gift depending on if it suits you. Don't try to change them or you may find yourself coming on here complaining about how your in-laws just ignore you and don't ever do anything for you.

Rebuffing courtesies is why the country is a lot less friendly than it used to be.

PS, I don't see the comparison with the cash only thing. The issue is the appropriateness of the gift giver and recipient, not the gift itself.

The comparison is that you like those brides/grooms are specifying how someone should celebrate an occasion and acknowledgment of you. You only want your children to give you gifts on Mother's Day, but they want to honor you as the mother of their grandchildren. It's rude to not be gracious and polite when someone is kind to you and gives you a gift. If you want to encourage different behavior, you can ask your husband to talk to them, not because he's a man, but because he's their son. As their child, he can talk to them about how their gifts on Mother's Day make you feel uncomfortable. It's still rude, but family can get away with breaches of etiquette better than others can. I know that you are their daughter now by marriage, but still that's a subject that can be touchy to many and you might damage your relationship with them if you bring this up yourself. He's not likely to damage his relationship with his own mother and father if he broaches the subject.

FWIW, I am about to get married soon and find the cash only thing tacky, but we don't have room for any stuff so we're going to have a charity registry. How do you feel about that?

As long as you only give out the registry when asked, it's fine. People who ask are looking for suggestions. Just don't put the registry info on the invitation or give it out unsolicited and you're fine. And even when you get big (size) gifts that you don't have room for, be gracious, thank them appropriately and find a polite way to dispose of it discreetly

Isn't it standard to put registry info on wedding sites these days?

[Anonymous]

I find any mother's/father's day acknowledgment from someone I'm not married to or gave birth to to be odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find any mother's/father's day acknowledgment from someone I'm not married to or gave birth to to be odd.

This! It was my first mother's day this year and I was in a public setting and a zillion people were like "happy mother's day!" Which put me in a weird position because many of them, I didn't know if they were mothers too. So what do I say? "You too, if applicable?" I just said thank you awkwardly.