Do you call your MIL?

[Anonymous]

Nope. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not generally to chit chat - there is always a reason for the call; neither of us are the chatty type. OTOH, DH never calls my mom.

Excellent point!

How many DHs call their MILs?

PP here - the one with the gossipy, prattling, non-stop talker MIL.

This entire concept of DIL/MIL calling each other drives me crazy. Do DHs EVER feel ANY pressure to call their MILs? Their FILs? Have any relationship whatsoever? Why then, should my MIL even care (and she does!) if I call/don't call her?

If my MIL ever says anything to me (and she will!), I will bring up the pertinent point that her DS does NOT call his MIL to chitchat.

[Anonymous]

My DH would call my parents more often if they wanted and he calls so that DD can talk to the grandparents, especially on days he's home with her and I'm at work. DH & my dad have email exchanges that I'm not part of and when my dad is visiting, my husband tries to have at least one outing with him that's just guy time.

I think part of it is cultural. I'm American and I have a great relationship with my parents, but we just aren't in constant contact - there's no standing weekly phone date and when we do call, it's 20 minutes max. My husband's Asian and he g-chats with his mom every couple of days and tries to call her weekly, which often lasts for an hour. So, I actually talk to my MIL more often than my own mom some months, just because my MIL makes a point of being in communication, whereas my mom & I more call when we have something to chat about or if either of us realizes it's been awhile and we should catch up.

[Anonymous]

No. I call my parents. It is up to my husband to call his parents.

[Anonymous]

No. I do send out group emails that include my parents and my DH's with photo updates. And I'll text her some photos if she's been asking my DH for them.

My father does call my DH directly if he can't get me on the phone (he's impulsive and will just ring whomever if he's in the mood to talk). My DH knows it's up to him if he wants to answer or just not.

I think things were different with land lines. I remember my mom getting caught talking to her MIL (my grandma) a lot simply because she'd call the house and my mom would answer.

[Anonymous]

No sadly. I wish it was easier, but I don't like talking to her on the phone.

My dad is pretty upset that my DH doesn't call him weekly. I think he always wanted a son. They get along great, just my DH isn't good about calling or talking on phones.

Since you all asked about how many DH's call their MILs, my dad calls his MIL nearly every other day. He also used to call his FIL regularly too before the FIL died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no but she guilts me about it.

Mine too. She's always making reference that she wants to have weekly calls with me. I think she's trying to have the relationship with me that she doesn't have with her own daughter. I say this because, when she's visiting, usually for 10 days + because she's on the west coast and we are in DC she say's she loves the way my Mom and I call each other. While I like her, I know she can be manipulating and I can't handle that. But I send her emails about the kids achievements and the boys call her often.

[Anonymous]

First off, we have a pretty damn good relationship with DH's parents, and a very limited relationship with mine (on purpose, our decision).

MIL and I rarely actually call each other - it's usually via text and very information based - where, when, are you going, running late, etc. She is equally comfortable texting me (vs DH) and I am completely comfortable contacting her.

My parents, OTOH, we both avoid calling/communicating as much as possible, for a variety of reasons. DH would never, ever, ever communicate with my parents "on the fly" and any communication would more likely be email.

[Anonymous]

Nope. This is a side effect of not having a home phone. It would be nice to have that surface relationship of answering the phone, chatting for a minute or two, and then telling her I'll put her son on the phone. Instead she calls his cell phone and we almost never talk on the phone. I never really have a reason to call her. Occasionally I'll text a picture of the kids, if they're wearing an outfit from her or something.

[Anonymous]

I never call her. I see her in person many times a week, but even if I didn't, I'd never call her. I hardly call my own parents.

signed,
a bad daughter

[Anonymous]

This is one of thost things where, what other people do really doesn't have anything to do at all with what's right for you. I do speak to my MIL, and we actually speak as much as she does with DH, but that's also because DH isn't much of a phone person and sometimes he tells me to call her if we need to make plans or it's something about the kids.

But I know a LOT of people who do not talk to their MIL's, either because they just dont' have that kind of relationship (it's not strained, but it's also just not that close), or because MIL is actually antagonistic or negative and therefore not worth talking to.

There are no rules. Talk once in awhile just to maintain the relationship, but only as often as you feel is worthwhile without taking valuable time away from other things, especially if MIL doesn't notice/seem to care if you dont' talk as much. If she complains "We never talk anymore!" then see if you're comfy upping the contact. But it's really an individual thing.

[Anonymous]

I used to have nice long talks with my MIL and fill her in on the news that her son didn't have the time/patience to tell her. However, ever since she started caring for my SIL's kids, she is always asking us for something related to them so I try not to get in long conversations with her. The more she knows about our lives, the more she tries to fit her needs into our schedules.

[Anonymous]

I'm actually hurt that my MIL doesn't call me directly to make plans or just ask how we are doing. For example, when I had our DS, I expected her to call to see how we're doing or offer to help. She sent a few texts and will text me when my DH is out of town to check on us but that is all. They live nearby though we don't see them that often - another issue I have as I'd love for them to spend more time with DS. I've mentioned both things to her before and things didn't improve. Now I just text her pics every once in a while, mail mother's day and birthday gifts and wait for invites for Easter, Christmas or some other family event.

[Anonymous]

No I do not call her. I also refuse her repeated facebook friend requests. When she facetimes with my husband and the kids I remain out of sight. We don't get along.

[Anonymous]

I am Facebook friends with my MIL. Makes things interesting - definitely try o honk twice about what I post. But I also enjoy it when her and FIL (through her account) respond positively to things I do post. But we get along; I wouldn't be FB friends with her if we didn't.