Need advice on an awkward personal training situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right. But the thought of it is giving me palpitations! It just isn't the thing that would be done in my culture. And surely at some point I would need to address it with him when he saw me working out with someone else? What would I possibly say?

Thanks for responding by the way.

OP, I'm American, and used to be a conflict resolution consultant, and I've actually been in your exact situation and I can tell you it IS stressful regardless of what country you grow up in.

One great motivator is to decide to use your situation to practice getting some kind of conflict resolution skill other than avoidance. Avoidance is at times is an appropriate skill to have--it is a skill, some people need to learn it--but not you, and in this situation avoidance isn't the appropriate response because it won't get you what you want.

You don't have to go hard-core into face-to-face conversation where you tell your trainer your issues with him(her), because that might never actually get done by you. Some options include:

If you think you could put up with your trainer if he wasn't late or flakey, you can give him a warning. You certainly have good cause with kids and all (really, you don't need any cause or excuse, but it's often easier and more face-saving if you have an excuse independent of pure irritation, and you've got that)

However; if you are already done with the trainer and have decided you want the other, one option to actually get it done is to use email rather than face-to-face. Or voicemail when you know he won't answer, and have your little speech written down in advance. Even if he answers the phone, you'll have that little speech.

Before you do any of this, you need to privately have a discussion with Trainer #2. Trainer #2 may not take you as a client because Trainer #2 and your current trainer may be friends, and this might be too uncomfortable for Trainer #2. Also, Trainer #2 may have options you might not have thought of--Trainer #2 might train somewhere else on different days, or train you in your home. It's important to figure out the parameters and options of Trainer #2 and not make assumptions, before you go forward.

[Anonymous]

I think a note, offered through the gym front desk, is more than sufficient. "Hi, trainer A. I just wanted to let you know that I'm switching trainers, effective this week, since our schedules haven't been matching up lately. [Add dates/examples here if desired] Best wishes, Jane."

This covers the necessary bases without making a big deal of his shortcomings. And I'm sure he knows what they are. Skipping, being late, and canceling on short notice are obvious no-nos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'll start this off by saying that I am not American. I am from a culture where saving face is important and confrontation is avoided at all costs."

You're here now, so get with the program, or you will get shit on a regular basis.

Good luck.

Lol.

The typical American would ask to speak to management and say something along the lines of "I am paying good money for my time and always show up on time ready to work but that trainer has been late four out of six times and had two no call no shows. I want a new trainer starting today and I want a refund/credit for the late starts and the no call no show. "

Trust me OP, you will not offend and they will probably wonder what took you so long to ask for a new trainer.

This. Do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right. But the thought of it is giving me palpitations! It just isn't the thing that would be done in my culture. And surely at some point I would need to address it with him when he saw me working out with someone else? What would I possibly say?

Thanks for responding by the way.

You live in a new culture now. It is not offensive. What is offensive is the first trainer's poor work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right. But the thought of it is giving me palpitations! It just isn't the thing that would be done in my culture. And surely at some point I would need to address it with him when he saw me working out with someone else? What would I possibly say?

Thanks for responding by the way.

In our culture, most people would not be offended by someone saying, "I enjoyed working with you, Phil, but when you were out of town I worked with Joe as my trainer and I realized he was a much better fit for me. Thanks for everything!"

[Anonymous]

If the bad trainer really wanted you as a client he would have shown up on time.

[Anonymous]

You're not hurting this guy's career, he's hurting it by not being professional.

[Anonymous]

Any update? What happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right. But the thought of it is giving me palpitations! It just isn't the thing that would be done in my culture. And surely at some point I would need to address it with him when he saw me working out with someone else? What would I possibly say?

Thanks for responding by the way.

OP, I'm American, and used to be a conflict resolution consultant, and I've actually been in your exact situation and I can tell you it IS stressful regardless of what country you grow up in.

One great motivator is to decide to use your situation to practice getting some kind of conflict resolution skill other than avoidance. Avoidance is at times is an appropriate skill to have--it is a skill, some people need to learn it--but not you, and in this situation avoidance isn't the appropriate response because it won't get you what you want.

You don't have to go hard-core into face-to-face conversation where you tell your trainer your issues with him(her), because that might never actually get done by you. Some options include:

If you think you could put up with your trainer if he wasn't late or flakey, you can give him a warning. You certainly have good cause with kids and all (really, you don't need any cause or excuse, but it's often easier and more face-saving if you have an excuse independent of pure irritation, and you've got that)

However; if you are already done with the trainer and have decided you want the other, one option to actually get it done is to use email rather than face-to-face. Or voicemail when you know he won't answer, and have your little speech written down in advance. Even if he answers the phone, you'll have that little speech.

Before you do any of this, you need to privately have a discussion with Trainer #2. Trainer #2 may not take you as a client because Trainer #2 and your current trainer may be friends, and this might be too uncomfortable for Trainer #2. Also, Trainer #2 may have options you might not have thought of--Trainer #2 might train somewhere else on different days, or train you in your home. It's important to figure out the parameters and options of Trainer #2 and not make assumptions, before you go forward.

NP here. I just wanted to write that your advice is positive, helpful, and really easy to understand and digest. Thanks for the clarity. And OP, as a born-and-raised American, I have the same tendencies to avoid conflict. It's natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right. But the thought of it is giving me palpitations! It just isn't the thing that would be done in my culture. And surely at some point I would need to address it with him when he saw me working out with someone else? What would I possibly say?

Thanks for responding by the way.

OP, I'm American, and used to be a conflict resolution consultant, and I've actually been in your exact situation and I can tell you it IS stressful regardless of what country you grow up in.

One great motivator is to decide to use your situation to practice getting some kind of conflict resolution skill other than avoidance. Avoidance is at times is an appropriate skill to have--it is a skill, some people need to learn it--but not you, and in this situation avoidance isn't the appropriate response because it won't get you what you want.

You don't have to go hard-core into face-to-face conversation where you tell your trainer your issues with him(her), because that might never actually get done by you. Some options include:

If you think you could put up with your trainer if he wasn't late or flakey, you can give him a warning. You certainly have good cause with kids and all (really, you don't need any cause or excuse, but it's often easier and more face-saving if you have an excuse independent of pure irritation, and you've got that)

However; if you are already done with the trainer and have decided you want the other, one option to actually get it done is to use email rather than face-to-face. Or voicemail when you know he won't answer, and have your little speech written down in advance. Even if he answers the phone, you'll have that little speech.

Before you do any of this, you need to privately have a discussion with Trainer #2. Trainer #2 may not take you as a client because Trainer #2 and your current trainer may be friends, and this might be too uncomfortable for Trainer #2. Also, Trainer #2 may have options you might not have thought of--Trainer #2 might train somewhere else on different days, or train you in your home. It's important to figure out the parameters and options of Trainer #2 and not make assumptions, before you go forward.

NP here. I just wanted to write that your advice is positive, helpful, and really easy to understand and digest. Thanks for the clarity. And OP, as a born-and-raised American, I have the same tendencies to avoid conflict. It's natural.

I'm the OP belatedly updating! And I agree that this advice given here was really, really excellent and I am very grateful to the pp who took time to type it out.

So I took all of your advice and just spoke to the original trainer and called it a day. I'm now working with the new trainer and he is lots better and also reliable too. I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a bit awkward about it at the gym. But I also glad that I did it. Thanks to everyone who was offering advice. You gave me the kick I needed.

[Anonymous]

Good job, glad you were able to make the change!

[Anonymous]

OP, are you an Indian? Asked because I am and I think like you.
You don't need to complain about your trainer to the gym management. When you meet him, tell him you have limitations on time you can spend at the gym due to responsibilities at home and that the other trainer is fitting more in your schedule. That's all. The trainer will not mind if he knows it's only related to schedules.