DD is social outcast

[Anonymous]

Wow, you think having mom join for lunch will be helpful? I would thought kids would snicker at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I remember your post from a couple weeks ago. Sorry this is still going on. I used to be surprised kids this young could be so mean. Hugs for you and DD!

I think we also have to keep in mind that the other kids are just kids too, and OP said DCs behavior was inappropriate, so the other kids might feel like she is being "mean" (even though she isn't) and are reacting to inappropriate behavior the way kids know how to - and are even taught to. What do you tell your kids about how to handle other people's inappropriate behavior? "Tell them to stop, you don't like that. Ignore it. Tell the teacher. Walk away." How are the other kids supposed to understand what's really going on? The school social skills groups have been really helpful because many kids do need to be taught these skills when they don't come naturally. But maybe we also need to send a message to all kids about how to help classmates learn social behavior? Not sure how to do that, but I usually tell my kids "S/he's still working on learning that skill (sharing/taking turns/raising hands/not interrupting), just like you are still working on learning _______ (how to ride a bike/read/make your bed/etc)." Kids understand that we learn things at different paces, this applies to social skills and classroom behavior as well, so we need to send that message to all kids (and adults).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you think having mom join for lunch will be helpful? I would thought kids would snicker at that.

In the early elementary years? The kids absolutely love it! OP's DD is in 1st grade.

[Anonymous]

OP, when my kid with HFA graduated from social skills group, we started him on theater classes. It is a fun way to learn social skills and there is some research to support that it helps kids with ASDs. It might help your daughter.

This is a short article about the researcher at Vanderbilt who is studying using drama class or drama camp to help kids with ASDs:
http://news.vanderbilt.edu/2013/10/theatre-offers-promise-for-youth-with-autism/

I read about her three years ago and thought it was a great idea and started by son on drama immediately. He goes to an acting class once a week during the school year and goes to drama camp for as many weeks as I can afford in the summer (2-3 usually). He loves it and it really helps. He learns how to work with other people. He loves going and has a lot of fun. The teachers at our program are all professional actors and they don't mind working with kids that are quirky.

We love this so much that we convinced my son's school speech therapist to start a drama club at school, during the lunch recess. She now has 60 kids who are participating on different days of the week, and really thinks it helps with social skills training. I bought books to help plan the program. There are lots, but these are a couple of good ones:

http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Aspergers-Students-Social-Through/dp/1932565116/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816515&sr=8-1&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

http://www.amazon.com/Acting-Antics-Theatrical-Approach-Understanding/dp/1843108453/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816568&sr=8-2&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

He also goes to karate, which helps with impulse control, but I think a drama group may help train your daughter in the social skills she needs.

BTW, remember to breathe. She is 7.5. She has lots of time before she is a permanent social outcast. As her behavior improves, the kids will allow her back into the fold. Next year is a whole new year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when my kid with HFA graduated from social skills group, we started him on theater classes. It is a fun way to learn social skills and there is some research to support that it helps kids with ASDs. It might help your daughter.

This is a short article about the researcher at Vanderbilt who is studying using drama class or drama camp to help kids with ASDs:
http://news.vanderbilt.edu/2013/10/theatre-offers-promise-for-youth-with-autism/

I read about her three years ago and thought it was a great idea and started by son on drama immediately. He goes to an acting class once a week during the school year and goes to drama camp for as many weeks as I can afford in the summer (2-3 usually). He loves it and it really helps. He learns how to work with other people. He loves going and has a lot of fun. The teachers at our program are all professional actors and they don't mind working with kids that are quirky.

We love this so much that we convinced my son's school speech therapist to start a drama club at school, during the lunch recess. She now has 60 kids who are participating on different days of the week, and really thinks it helps with social skills training. I bought books to help plan the program. There are lots, but these are a couple of good ones:


http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Aspergers-Students-Social-Through/dp/1932565116/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816515&sr=8-1&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

http://www.amazon.com/Acting-Antics-Theatrical-Approach-Understanding/dp/1843108453/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816568&sr=8-2&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

He also goes to karate, which helps with impulse control, but I think a drama group may help train your daughter in the social skills she needs.

BTW, remember to breathe. She is 7.5. She has lots of time before she is a permanent social outcast. As her behavior improves, the kids will allow her back into the fold. Next year is a whole new year.

Wow, what a great idea. Where did you do classes and camps?

[Anonymous]

Lots of places offer social skills. If she graduated from one, you could try another.

You could ask for an observation from the school counselor, school psychologist or hire someone for this to get an objective view of what's happening.

[Anonymous]

I totally feel your pain and concern. I recommend The Social Thinking Curriculum which helps children began to understand how others perceive you and how you can change the way people think of you. This program was effective with my child. Children's Innovative Therapy Group, is a speech practice in Bethesda uses it and has groups over the summer. http://www.citgspeechtherapy.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when my kid with HFA graduated from social skills group, we started him on theater classes. It is a fun way to learn social skills and there is some research to support that it helps kids with ASDs. It might help your daughter.

This is a short article about the researcher at Vanderbilt who is studying using drama class or drama camp to help kids with ASDs:
http://news.vanderbilt.edu/2013/10/theatre-offers-promise-for-youth-with-autism/

I read about her three years ago and thought it was a great idea and started by son on drama immediately. He goes to an acting class once a week during the school year and goes to drama camp for as many weeks as I can afford in the summer (2-3 usually). He loves it and it really helps. He learns how to work with other people. He loves going and has a lot of fun. The teachers at our program are all professional actors and they don't mind working with kids that are quirky.

We love this so much that we convinced my son's school speech therapist to start a drama club at school, during the lunch recess. She now has 60 kids who are participating on different days of the week, and really thinks it helps with social skills training. I bought books to help plan the program. There are lots, but these are a couple of good ones:


http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Aspergers-Students-Social-Through/dp/1932565116/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816515&sr=8-1&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

http://www.amazon.com/Acting-Antics-Theatrical-Approach-Understanding/dp/1843108453/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399816568&sr=8-2&keywords=autism+social+skills+acting

He also goes to karate, which helps with impulse control, but I think a drama group may help train your daughter in the social skills she needs.

BTW, remember to breathe. She is 7.5. She has lots of time before she is a permanent social outcast. As her behavior improves, the kids will allow her back into the fold. Next year is a whole new year.

Wow, what a great idea. Where did you do classes and camps?

We're not in DC. We have a local performing arts nonprofit that does arts education for kids. We just go there, in regular classes.

They are like these organizations:

http://www.theatrelab.org

http://www.imaginationstage.org/

There are a ton of places in DC that do these classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Yes, we go to Kennedy Krieger, and she has an IEP.

What was the diagnosis? My Aspie often says oddball things, which made him a social outcast starting in 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - anyone know of a good social skills group in MoCo? For kids who don't necessarily have behavioral issues and want so badly to have friends but have a hard time making them.

There is Youth and Family Services Bureau in MoCo with several sites. They provide counseling and likely have social skills groups. I would try contacting the bureau nearest you. Also try the YMCA -- there appear to be some youth programs that may be useful.

With regard to the observation, I have a different opinion than previous posters. You may or may not see any of your daughter's troubling behaviors. But you will likely see how the other children react to her and relate to her. And you will see how she responds to this.

Unfortunately, the "mean girls" behavior begins earlier than it used to back in the day. I have seen it begin as early as first grade. But a lot depends on how both parents and school staff react to the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - anyone know of a good social skills group in MoCo? For kids who don't necessarily have behavioral issues and want so badly to have friends but have a hard time making them.

Alvord, Baker & Associates. Silver Spring and Rockville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 7.5, in the first grade and in recent weeks has begun trying to get attention from her peers in inappropriate ways.
Her speech therapist is working with her on how to start a conversation, etc but in the meantime there are a few kids who have become a bit mean to her and others are seeing this and starting to follow suit.
For example, kids are regularly telling her to "go away!" and "be quiet!".
I'm so worried that this will follow her into next year and she'll eventually be bullied.
I really only have her own account of what's been going one each day because I don't want to keep bothering her teacher.
Would it make sense for me to go in the classroom to observe her behavior so I can get a true grasp of the situation, and what exactly DD is doing to
irritate her classmates? This is all pretty recent, btw...she was never a social butterfly but was generally well-liked until recently.

Go in to see. Your daughter may just FEEL like a social outcast because a few kids were mean. Others may be fine. Do you have time/energy to have one of the girls and her family come for dinner? I think social interaction outside of class is key -- will make her feel more comfortable in class.

[Anonymous]

Agree with above mention of social thinking curriculum. It seems there are many psychology practices in the area that offer help with social thinking. I am trying to enroll my 4th grader now in a social skills group, but am specifically looking for one that caters to kids with mild to moderate social deficits. My child is just now beginning to make connections that are her own, not instigated by me, but it's taken joining quite a few different activities. Shared interests are a great way to make friends, so sign her up for some activities she'll like.

[Anonymous]

If your school has a Girls On The Run program or if there is any interest in starting that within your school, it would be a great thing for her to be involved in. It promotes friendship as well as running. It has a great curriculum that promotes team spirit.