Question for black people from a white person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

Another black woman. I'd come gave a good time but I would take note of it while there. I have a few good friends that I am their only black friend. Its ok but he truth is in this day and age we all have to a better job of having a more diverse friend and colleague base. If not for ourselves for our kids. I run a large org and you would not believe the young white people who intern who have never been exposed to anyone of any other race in a position of influence or authority.

How does one do this? I live in a predominately white community. There are a few Indians and Koreans sprinkled in. There are literally 3 black children in my kids 2nd grade school of 6 classes…two of which, i only know are black because I've seen the very light skinned dad with the white mom. I go to work and there are two black people working at my small company of 40 people. I don't make a habit of being too social with co-workers, white or brown.

If people are only around a certain race, I think it a bit disingenuous to seek out friendships with the express purpose of "meeting shades of brown". My children have two Indian friends and the rest white, which is a pretty good sampling of our neighborhood. I'd rather my kids make organic friendships than me send out a craigs list ad searching for brown friends to diversify our portfolio.

See...I did not translate PP has saying that you need to approach random minorties and seek out friendship. I think what PP means is that you should not put up barriers to those organic friendships developing. If your kids do happen to go to school with a more diverse crowd as they get older and a blossoming friendship starts to develop with an Hispanic (or whatever ethnicity is present), you should encourage so long as the friendship is healthy. Clearly, the PP can speak for herself, but that is what I took from her post.

[Anonymous]

I am comfortable in almost any environment. I have been in integrated situations my entire life. I can converse about anything and I have diverse life experiences. So if you invited me to your home, I would be at ease either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate everyone who answered. If the situation were reversed I think I would feel uncomfortable.

I was just watching the movie Hairspray and Tracy Turnblatt's best friend meets Queen Latifah and says "I'm very pleased and very scared to be here." And I think that's exactly how I'd feel. I mean, not scared scared, but ... unsettled and uncomfortable.

lol! Funny, OP
- signed a comfortable minority in the majority

Everyone isn't like that though, I have done friends that don't really feel comfortable around white people by choice. Like they won't go to the same bars, listen to same music etc. not that they can't tolerate it or are scared. But that they are always a minority, so it's nice not to be all the time. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Just for gits and shiggles, let's flip it around.

If a black friend invites you to a party and you're going to be the only white person there- do you want to be told ahead of time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

No, not really. If you and I are cool with each other, then I will definitely come. Actually, I'm more comfortable in predominately white settings than I am predominately black settings. I would be relieved that there will be people whom I could relate to. I can't talk to other black people about my love for Andy Warhol, Linkin Park, or operas. I spent an entire semester of school in Germany and that is as white as you get. As long as you have beer, than I'm coming.

Black woman here. Are you only interested in people who share your particular interests? If so, therein lies the problem. Do not limit yourself to those whom you think you can relate to based on somewhat superficial constructs like hobbies or music preferences. Open yourself up to what makes life interesting (variety) and you may be surprised.

[Anonymous]

If you know the person who is hosting the event then you should have a sense of who their family and friends may be which would then infer who might be on the guest list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

Do you want to know if you're the only white person at an all black event OP? And will you come if you are? I'm black, and this is a foolishness. What quality of relationships do you have with your friends/acquaintances to have these silly questions?

I grew up in a very white area of Long Island surrounded by other white areas. In the 20 years I lived there, we literally NEVER had a black person over to our house. I've never had a black friend. Been friendly with black people at work enough to go to lunch sometimes, but never had their home or cell phone number. I would be uncomfortable at an all black event. I've never been the minority anywhere. I'm not sure if I'd go (but I'm an introvert so I rarely go to large events). It's possible black people are often around white people simply because there are more whites than blacks in this country, but there are large pockets here where white people don't see black people around their neighborhood. Anyway, all that to say that this is all new to me. I would just hate to have someone be unhappily surprised and feel uncomfortable at my house. I didn't know, so I asked.

wHY WOULD YOU BE UNCOMFORTABLE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I invite you to a BBQ or dinner party or any gathering at my house really, do you want to know ahead of time if you'll be the only black people there? And if so, will you come even if you are?

No, not really. If you and I are cool with each other, then I will definitely come. Actually, I'm more comfortable in predominately white settings than I am predominately black settings. I would be relieved that there will be people whom I could relate to. I can't talk to other black people about my love for Andy Warhol, Linkin Park, or operas. I spent an entire semester of school in Germany and that is as white as you get. As long as you have beer, than I'm coming.

Don't be stupid. As if you are the only black person who likes those things. Or who has lived in Europe or who understands German.

[Anonymous]

I am Indian and most get togethers I am the only Indian person there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you know the person who is hosting the event then you should have a sense of who their family and friends may be which would then infer who might be on the guest list.

Sometimes you have to be inviting someone over for the very first time because you're listening to all your black friends on DCUM who are saying "reach out and make black friends you dumb segregated white person!" so they don't have a sense of who might be on the guest list.

[Anonymous]

OP, will there be any other non-white folks in attendance? I'm white but DH is not, and he is definitely more at ease in social situations where there's someone other than WASPy types to talk to. Does not matter at all whether it's his same ethnicity or not. Just someone else that's a minority in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, will there be any other non-white folks in attendance? I'm white but DH is not, and he is definitely more at ease in social situations where there's someone other than WASPy types to talk to. Does not matter at all whether it's his same ethnicity or not. Just someone else that's a minority in some way.

I invited a family who is Chinese - our daughters met in ice-skating class. And there will be people there who are not American, but are white. But yes, for the most part, white jews.

[Anonymous]

I am Asian and I think there is a big difference for people who are used to being in the majority and those used to be in the minority. We were the only Asians in my town growing up so I am very used to being the only Asian. I have been invited to events where I am the only Asian among whites, Indians or Persians and never felt uncomfortable. I think that is what most of the black people are saying.

I think it makes no sense to flip the question and wonder how a white person would feel. White people are used to being in the majority so many of them would feel awkward. But that doesn't mean the reverse is true.