How messed up is your family?

[Anonymous]

My birth family was functional and nice and welcoming to new people (e.g. my DH), and I introduced my DB to his wife.

She has mental issues (I suspect un-treated) and really, she is threatened by everyone and everything and has really pulled DB and their kids away from us. She's jealous of anyone spending time with her DH; which is weird because I am no threat and my mother has been nothing but generous.

It's been very hard on my DB who admitted to me that he's not going to leave the marriage because he's hopeful, but that it's very hard to live with someone who sees every situation in the worst possible light, and is blind to her own issues.

She's the kind of person that idolizes people she doesn't know and vilifies people she does know. ugh. I should have known better because she has two sisters and they are really screwed up, and I thought she was the normal one of the bunch. Now I see that mental illness runs in the family and they are all a mess. But I'm still supportive and happy for my brother because he's got two great kids out of it and who knows, maybe he has happy days.

[Anonymous]

My family is pretty messed up -- a lot of mental illness, substance abuse, divorce and poverty. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are hysterical and interesting and love me unconditionally and most of all, they are all I have in life that really matters. Everything good and bad in me I got from them.

I loved this David Sedaris piece about his imperfect family after his mentally ill sister committed suicide. My favorite part:

Though I’ve often lost faith in myself, I’ve never lost it in my family, in my certainty that we are fundamentally better than everyone else. It’s an archaic belief, one that I haven’t seriously reconsidered since my late teens, but still I hold it. Ours is the only club I’d ever wanted to be a member of, so I couldn’t imagine quitting.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/10/28/131028fa_fact_sedaris?currentPage=all

[Anonymous]

Schitzo mom, absent dad, in-laws are highly judgmental and can't see their own failing. The upside? I have an amazing husband and son

[Anonymous]

Grew up in a Jehovah's Witness home. I was never convinced and asked to be disfellowshipped when I was 16. My mom was converted after my father died from a brain tumor when I was 4- she married my stepfather jw when I was 8 and his 3 boys beat and abused me for 4 years and no one noticed.

My mother and I talk but only if I call her. I could die today and she wouldn't ever know. The sad part is that she was a pretty cool lady and would have been the best of moms if she wasn't brainwashed. I feel sad for not having a real mother but my relationship with my 16 year old daughter is amazing, so there's that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in a Jehovah's Witness home. I was never convinced and asked to be disfellowshipped when I was 16. My mom was converted after my father died from a brain tumor when I was 4- she married my stepfather jw when I was 8 and his 3 boys beat and abused me for 4 years and no one noticed.

My mother and I talk but only if I call her. I could die today and she wouldn't ever know. The sad part is that she was a pretty cool lady and would have been the best of moms if she wasn't brainwashed. I feel sad for not having a real mother but my relationship with my 16 year old daughter is amazing, so there's that

That's great that you have a great relationship with your daughter despite that your mother was brainwashed. It takes a strong person to endure that type of trauma and to come out of it a healthy, functional adult.

[Anonymous]

Mine isn't too bad. They're religious and conservative, but not overly dysfunctional. My parents really had no idea how to parent and made some questionable parenting decisions, but we have a close relationship now.

My dad's side of the family is a bit screwy. His father definitely has some undiagnosed mental illnesses and I've come to realize that he was abusive to his wife (my grandma who died when I was 2) and my dad and his siblings when he was growing up. Many of my dad's siblings also have some mental health issues.

I'm not close to my dad's dad at all. He's a bigot, he's bitter, he used to lock us outside when we were young and played favorites. I was very close to my mom's dad.

[Anonymous]

Mom is narcissistic, borderline & never bonded with me due to that + serious PPD. Dad is an emotionally distant, withholding, narcissistic alcoholic with PTSD from combat in Vietnam. One brother, severe depression & anxiety. I have a boatload of issues but actually function pretty well all things considered. Yay for therapy!! Oh, and NO we are not close lol.

[Anonymous]

Mother had borderline personality disorder and used to fly off into rages for no good reason. We all walked on eggshells around her. Then she died when I was in my early teens. She was a complicated mess -- warm and loving along with emotionally volatile and immature.

Despite her issues I've never really gotten over the loss of my mom, even though I'm pretty successful in my career and have three wonderful kids of my own and a supportive husband. Yes, I've been to therapy and it definitely helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lots of un-dealt-with anxiety. my family doesn't talk about anything and that has created problems for me. I'm still learning to deal with it. my parents are married but talk to each other like they hate each other yet they don't really fight. they were devoted parents but didn't model a happy relationship. I can't stand to be around them together but I still see them a few times a year. my brother likes to say that it's "their way", but their way is miserable and makes me want to set my face on fire. I'd guess we're pretty normal.

Same here (but I am an only child)

[Anonymous]

pretty FUBAR, I guess any idiot can pass a home study

[Anonymous]

Wow, and I thought my family is messed up. Thanks to this topic, I will be looking at my family in a different light.
We have some issues, but we talk about them and we stay together and support each other no matter what, no matter how upset we were about something in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, and I thought my family is messed up. Thanks to this topic, I will be looking at my family in a different light.
We have some issues, but we talk about them and we stay together and support each other no matter what, no matter how upset we were about something in the past.

I hope judging others negatively so you can all feel good about yourselves is one of the issues you will be discussing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, and I thought my family is messed up. Thanks to this topic, I will be looking at my family in a different light.
We have some issues, but we talk about them and we stay together and support each other no matter what, no matter how upset we were about something in the past.

Wrong thread, Einstein.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, and I thought my family is messed up. Thanks to this topic, I will be looking at my family in a different light.
We have some issues, but we talk about them and we stay together and support each other no matter what, no matter how upset we were about something in the past.

I hope judging others negatively so you can all feel good about yourselves is one of the issues you will be discussing.

My post has nothing to do with judjing others. The topic simply helped me to see that comparing to other people problems, my own problems are not so bad. It looks like you are the one who judges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, and I thought my family is messed up. Thanks to this topic, I will be looking at my family in a different light.
We have some issues, but we talk about them and we stay together and support each other no matter what, no matter how upset we were about something in the past.

I hope judging others negatively so you can all feel good about yourselves is one of the issues you will be discussing.

My post has nothing to do with judjing others. The topic simply helped me to see that comparing to other people problems, my own problems are not so bad. It looks like you are the one who judges.

Wrong thread, Einstein.