Pre-K wants DS to wait a year for K

[Anonymous]

I had debated holding my June son back for PreK. He was always 1/2 a step behind his peers emotionaly at that age.

Now as a 2nd grader, I wish I had gone with my gut on this. He really struggles in school making friends. I am hopeful that he "catches up" - but the reality is he is socially behind. His academics are at or above grade level. We are debating changing schools - and possibly having him repeat a grade with the change.

[Anonymous]

For the parents who wished they had waited a year because of trouble making friends later, did your children also have trouble interacting and playing with peers in pre-k? or did those difficulties only manifest later? What kinds of behaviors either in pre-k or later has made it difficult for your child to make friends? Just a general "immaturity"? overly emotional, sensitive, or physical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS has April bday. He is really advanced in reading and writing, comprehension is great. Some math, but not as advanced as lit. skills.

I would not be opposed to repeat K except it seems like if all his classmates were moving up, that would be harder on him (plus the enormous cost of private K).

Then why don't you put him in public?

That will mature him, no doubt, as privates do indeed coddle.

been there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a child at a private preschool where they had to write a recommendation for a private kindergarten and wrote that the child wasn't ready. Then that spring they offered the child a spot in their private kindergarten class. Needless to say, she pulled all 3 of her kids out of that school. I would never hold back an April child. Teachers at public who say this stuff just want an easier year for themselves. If your child has a social problem, it will be even worse if they're redshifted especially that far away from the cutoff. There are kids with special needs that have April birthdays. Your child will do fine with a little extra help.

I can't believe how ignorant this statement is. Where's your evidence, moron?

My daughter was in a private K class. The work was so ridiculously easy that she practically learned nothing. Her pre-K was harder. She's now in public. The K teachers at her new school are phenomenal, and no, they do NOT encourage red-shirting. In fact, they still have snack. They have breaks. And they encourage kids that first week to bring in something that reminds them of home. They've embraced the new curriculum fully and plan together to make sure the children's needs are met.

I know; my son is in K. And he WAS held back b/c he had speech delays and OT issues. And he still needs services. But most of the kids in his class were right on track and doing well. Many are young siblings of my daughter's friends.

So this is an easy way out?

Honey Bunny, the pedagogy at privates is sorely lacking. certification? What a joke! You pay for the name.

So if the asshole fits . . .

[Anonymous]

I would find out their reasons in more detail and why they think he is something actually out of the norm.

Unless there was something incredibly unusual about your son's problems, I would send him. I would also expect some challenges in kinder while he matured, but that is fairly commonplace and has no meaning for later years.

Lots of kindergarteners are very immature.

Get advice from people you respect with kids in later elementary years, not people with little ones. It doesn't matter if kinder is a hard year if by third grade he's well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

6:19 I have no idea what you're saying. I wrote public, but it could have been a private teacher. There are definitely teachers out there who want good test scores and an easy class and will recommend kids get held back if a parent comes to them wavering about the decision. I've seen it firsthand more than once. It would be interesting to rate elementary schools on scales of how old these children are because some of the schools with high test scores just tend to have a lot of redshirted kids. I still no matter what would not hold back an April child or even a June child for that matter. The oldest child I know has a July birthday and is very short. My child is one of the oldest and I feel he'd fit in better socially with kids who are a little older than him. Most of the boys in class like to goof around more than he does so a more immature child would probably fit in better socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:19 I have no idea what you're saying. I wrote public, but it could have been a private teacher. There are definitely teachers out there who want good test scores and an easy class and will recommend kids get held back if a parent comes to them wavering about the decision. I've seen it firsthand more than once. It would be interesting to rate elementary schools on scales of how old these children are because some of the schools with high test scores just tend to have a lot of redshirted kids. I still no matter what would not hold back an April child or even a June child for that matter. The oldest child I know has a July birthday and is very short. My child is one of the oldest and I feel he'd fit in better socially with kids who are a little older than him. Most of the boys in class like to goof around more than he does so a more immature child would probably fit in better socially.

I have no idea if what you are saying is true, but assume it is. If so, so what?

You are saying that schools with high test scores (i.e. with kids who have successfully been able to master the curriculum) have a lot of kids who were held back a year.

Wouldn't that mean that holding kids back a year was a good decision, then, if it allowed more kids to successfully master the curriculum?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you would ask us whEn his current educational instructors said to hold him back. They see what he is like in school. They see how the others are. They see how kids are who are ready for kindergarten. The kids I kindergarten who are far less mature than the other kids have a really though time...really tough time. Is your goal that he is happy? Relaxed? Successful? Anxious? Pulled out by teachers who have to work on his behaviour?

[Anonymous]

April is unusual though. Is his preschool especially pro- holding back? Or does this child need extra help, not just time?

I redshirted my August son. In 3rd now, glad I did. We know a May boy in his grade - fwiw, he fits right in.

[Anonymous]

I had an April boy. No learning problems, but I kind of wish now that I had redshirted him. I think he needed another year to mature. He's grown now.

[Anonymous]

Gifted children often have asynchronous growth and can be very sensitive and have strong emotions. Not sure if his fits your son, but you might have bigger "social" problems down the line when he s not stimulated by material that is too easy. Also, if he the type that prefers to talk to and become friends with older children and adults, then he will have a harder time socially relating to younger children. If you think that your child is gifted, I wouldn't hold him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifted children often have asynchronous growth and can be very sensitive and have strong emotions. Not sure if his fits your son, but you might have bigger "social" problems down the line when he s not stimulated by material that is too easy. Also, if he the type that prefers to talk to and become friends with older children and adults, then he will have a harder time socially relating to younger children. If you think that your child is gifted, I wouldn't hold him back.

+1. You may want to consider a smaller private school but holding back a smart April boy will cause more troubles when he is bored in class.

[Anonymous]

+1. You may want to consider a smaller private school but holding back a smart April boy will cause more troubles when he is bored in class.

Depends on the kid. He might enjoy being the smartest kid in the class. If he is more comfortable with younger kids, he might just belong with the younger kids. Each child is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Top of the class academically and behind socially/emotionally ... want to do what's best for him. Very new to the idea of "redshirting."

1. Anyone who went ahead and enrolled for K against the advice of Pre-k teacher and ended up happy and eventually caught up socially? or the opposite?
2. Is there any stigma attached to older boys applying to privates, ie-are admissions harder?
3. If your DS was super smart but immature and you kept him in pre-K, later on were the academics challenging enough?

I realize this is a controversial issue, and understand parent's complaints about older kids in the class. I am hoping for some real advice rather than rants about birthdays/competition, etc.

OP, I went ahead and enrolled my DS against the advice of a teacher. It wasn't just the teacher, the school gave him the Gesell development test and an academic test and told me that although he was academically ready, he was not socially ready. My DS is only in 1st, but doing great socially. I don't think anyone really knows how it's going to turn out for a kid. Mine probably just developed socially over the summer and then was ready come Sept 1st when he was 5.

As an aside, in 1st grade, the kids know who was held back and who wasn't. They talk about how so-and-so is supposed to be in 2nd grade. My DS asked me why - how can I answer truthfully without it sounding bad? Either they had a learning disability or their parents didn't think they were ready - neither is a compliment for the child. On the other end, they know the kids who started 1st grade at only 5 years old and they say they are supposed to be in K this year. ha!

[Anonymous]

As an aside, in 1st grade, the kids know who was held back and who wasn't. They talk about how so-and-so is supposed to be in 2nd grade. My DS asked me why - how can I answer truthfully without it sounding bad? Either they had a learning disability or their parents didn't think they were ready - neither is a compliment for the child. On the other end, they know the kids who started 1st grade at only 5 years old and they say they are supposed to be in K this year. ha!

Disagree completely with above statement. Both as a first grade teacher and a parent of two kids who are grown.