mother investing a lot into expectations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well then OP I don't know what to tell you. I get really annoyed with posters who start threads to just get people to jump on their bandwagon and tell them how right they are but when people offer some other opinion the OP gets defensive and upset.

I am not even sure what you're even looking for here OP. you sound whiny and a bit entitled. so your parents, god forbid, are excited to have a grandchild and want to see you. They are using a spare bedroom to make it more convenient for their grandchild to stay at their house, I can't believe the insanity. So your parents aren't traveling like YOU want them to, I can't believe as grown adults they aren't fulfilling your ideas on what they should do with their money and free time.

Seriously, OP you are ridiculous. Be thankful you have people that care about you, because just think what they would think if they read your comments on this thread and how hurt they would be.

+1

You are completely clueless. Come back after you actually have a baby and are too tire after work and the day to spend even two hours alone with your husband. You are damn lucky.

[Anonymous]

The motive is not to be helpful in the case, but to fill a void in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Wait until the baby is born. Only then you'll know what you want and don't want. I speak from experience. I thought (while I was pregnant) that I really would not want my parents around. Now that the kid is here, I have really enjoyed having them nearby and involved. No one is more shocked than me!

[Anonymous]

Right now you are pregnant and that makes everything more emotional. Maybe you could drop a hint about the move? Make it all out of your control, ie DHs job transfer. I would not get into a discussion about this area being expensive -- that just opens more discussion.

[Anonymous]

My Mom put a nursery in her house when my brother and I had kids. Stocked mostly with the books and some other stuff from when we were kids, plus a new changing pad on an old dresser, blackout shades, a new upholstered glider, etc. Actually pretty helpful. They live in the same town so basically just used it for diaper changing, but my (preschool age) kids still use it on visits and love having 'their' space. And *I* love having a space in my parents house without anything fragile/irreplacable/etc. Plus it's kind of nice to only have to back a basic travel bag. Sure there's transportable baby gear, but transporting it is still a PITA.

Like you we also recently moved further away, and although I now come to their house with less frequency, it's for longer duration. An while you're a few weeks out from this, Camp Grandma can be a WONDERFUL thing.

In your situation I'd also wonder if there were some emotional transfer going on. Retiring is a pretty big life transition, and your Mom may still be processing that.

Oh - and I totally get waiting to tell your Mom about the move. We moved cross-country and to the town my ILs live in. That's a tough pill for my Mom to swallow, so no way I was bringing up the possibility before it was certain.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand. However, having had nannies for the first few years of my son's life, I can tell you that there is nothing better than family to watch your child. My husband and I have had weeky date nights and vacations since child was born, but never without some kind of stress for leaving him with nanny. We don't have the option of family. Take advantage of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until the baby is born. Only then you'll know what you want and don't want. I speak from experience. I thought (while I was pregnant) that I really would not want my parents around. Now that the kid is here, I have really enjoyed having them nearby and involved. No one is more shocked than me!

not true for everyone. i knee inwouldnt want family around to help and it never changed for me. some people just know what they need.

[Anonymous]

you should let her know you are moving before she spends money and time on a "baby room"