Grandma's old toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the toys. Keep anything that can be cleaned and used. Then box them up the rest and recycle/donate/hide them.

The bigger issue seems to be that she is constantly questioning your choices. Just tell her that you know that child-rearing norms have changed since she was raising her kids, but you're following the advice of your pediatrician. You know that you have different ideas about what's safe/necessary, but you don't appreciate the constant criticisms and you'd appreciate it if she saved any comments for times she truly thinks you're doing something that might endanger your children. Then stop with the back and forth. Seriously, stop engaging.

Part of the dynamic here seems to be that you feel the need to assert your parenting supremacy over her verbally--"I'll have to look over the toys because some of them might not be safe." Just say, "Thanks, Grandma! I'd love to see my husband's old toys!" You don't even have to tell her you're going to sort through them, just sort through them. "Thanks for digging out those toys. Brayden really loves his dad's old trucks!"

Which is to say, disengage. She probably feels defensive because she raised her kids under the safety standards of the day, and you're constantly telling her that those aren't good enough.

I should have followed this advice! Instead I ranted on about safety issues and caused lots of tension with my relationship with MIL

Insightful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandma doesn't leave. We are all living on the same farm (different houses). And I am talking about things even goodwill wouldn't want.

Not trying to be defensive here -honest. But none of you are concerned about old toys with lead paint, etc. ? I wasn't vetoing everything sight unseen, but this is the Grandma who thinks she shouldn't have to put her gun away at her house and thinks I am unreasonable for not letting him stay there overnight.

I love old toys. Have MIL keep them at her house for your children to play with when they're there. That will keep them "special" for your children and satisfy your MIL, and the exposure to anything dangerous will be minimal because they won't have access to them during all their waking hours.

My parents set up a playroom in their basement for all the grandchildren, and it's full of all our old toys. (Love those vintage Fisher Price toys-- house, hospital, farm, garage, boat and camper!) It's always a highlight of any visit for my children, and I love seeing all the things I used to love as a child. In general I'm a very vigilant parents, especially about toxins, etc., but I have no worries about the old toys.

I'm a grandma, and we do what's been suggested here. Our grandchildren love all of the old Fisher Price toys! (But I don't gather old toys and expect our children to keep them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a few years after your kids have outgrown some of your favorite toys and nostalgically you put them away for your grandchildren. Just graciously accept the toys and get rid of what you don't want. Making this a safety issue is like a slap in the face - you didn't care as much as I do. Just let her have her memories.

OP, you would do well to listen to this wise poster.

Oh, please. Grandma could do a quick google and realize her DIL isn't crazy. Grandma could take a moment to reflect that certain things have changed about raising children and those changes are not a reflection on how she parented in her day. Seriously. If grandma is going to be very involved in their day to day lives, it would behoove her to get a clue and follow her Son and DIL's lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I really am not intending to be hostile towards her. We honestly get along well. It's just that I do get annoyed about her being vocally dismissive of my choices (similarly I see how many if you think I am doing the same to her, which is a fair point). The problem is she isn't open to me going through them (she and her late husband also have hoarding issues) and she'd have a fit if I tossed any. But she also won't store anything at her house (i live in her old house that never got cleaned out...with severely restricted storage for us bc of all the old stuff shoved into every nook and cranny). I feel like it is a no win. I hate clutter and she thinks I am unreasonable for not turning my LR into a fantasy play land for all the giant footprint toys she wants him to have. I hated it in his room too but I gave in on that one. But now his room is full and...

I know I likely am not articulating some of this well. I will work on delivery/engagement levels for sure though.

Hoarding is 100% a different level. I have hoarders in my family who obsessed about whether I kept a gift or not. Do some research, visit a counselor...and get your own space if you have to. There's lots messed up going on with hoarding, unhealed or poorly healed emotional wounds that carry over into relationships with people not just stuff. Talk to a professional, and you and DH draw some boundaries to take control of your living space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. MIL hauls suitcases of old crap along everytime she visits. We say thanks and chuck it once she leaves.

Same here. We have the old stuffed doggies. Kind of gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I really am not intending to be hostile towards her. We honestly get along well. It's just that I do get annoyed about her being vocally dismissive of my choices (similarly I see how many if you think I am doing the same to her, which is a fair point). The problem is she isn't open to me going through them (she and her late husband also have hoarding issues) and she'd have a fit if I tossed any. But she also won't store anything at her house (i live in her old house that never got cleaned out...with severely restricted storage for us bc of all the old stuff shoved into every nook and cranny). I feel like it is a no win. I hate clutter and she thinks I am unreasonable for not turning my LR into a fantasy play land for all the giant footprint toys she wants him to have. I hated it in his room too but I gave in on that one. But now his room is full and...

I know I likely am not articulating some of this well. I will work on delivery/engagement levels for sure though.

OP, nothing is worse than a hoarder. Start by getting rid of the stuff left in your house. Just say it is in storage. My MIL used to buy junk and then give it to us to "keep" I found out my DH was storing all this junk in a storage unit. Needs to go bye bye. Her house = her junk. Your house = your junk, or lack of.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a mean woman . You probably use the MIL for free childcare. I hope she tells you to move off her farm and stop mooching off her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a mean woman . You probably use the MIL for free childcare. I hope she tells you to move off her farm and stop mooching off her.

OP here. You have no idea what you are talking about. We don't use her for childcare because we don't want to burden her. She sees her grandchild as much as she wants. We do most of the chores, and more than pay our way. Our moving here was her suggestion and at her request.

[Anonymous]

Now, as for the lead paint issue, how old are you guys?
Lead paint was banned in the US in 1978, so anything later than that should be safe if made in the US.

So. say DH is forty, most of his stuff is lead-free, even if it's painted, as long as it says "Made in USA".

[Anonymous]

These toys would be pre '78 for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These toys would be pre '78 for sure.

If they're old enough they may be valuable. Check on eBay before you trash them.

[Anonymous]

I notice some F-P toys from the 60s/70s that were made in Switzerland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandma doesn't leave. We are all living on the same farm (different houses). And I am talking about things even goodwill wouldn't want.

Not trying to be defensive here -honest. But none of you are concerned about old toys with lead paint, etc. ? I wasn't vetoing everything sight unseen, but this is the Grandma who thinks she shouldn't have to put her gun away at her house and thinks I am unreasonable for not letting him stay there overnight.

If those old toys are anything like my and my husband's old toys, the lead paint has long been chewed off, washed away, colored over, blown up with fireworks, etc.

I think as long as your kid is beyond the age of putting everything in his mouth, the toys your husband played with are probably just fine.

BTW, every one of us who grew up prior to the 90s (and even later if your family did hand me down toys) grew up playing with those toys, and we are not all walking around with lead poisoning.

Ask your husband which toys meant the most to him growing up, keep those and get rid of the rest.

[Anonymous]

No we aren't. But we aren't all walking around either.

http://m.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/...d-lead-paint/275169/