My 8 yo has stopped eating dinner. Is it too young for an eating disorder?

[Anonymous]

My DD lost 7 pounds and the anorexic mindset kicked in FULL-BLOWN. Only seven pounds and she was in a downward spiral.

The best advice for trying to figure out what is going on comes from parents who have been there. www.feast-ed.org (they have a parent's forum). Those parents shared their collective wisdom and saved my DD's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 16:05 and maybe I do come across as attacking you, because I was trying to stress the importance of this NOT being a parental fact finding mission. Leave this to a doctor. At this point, and with the info given, continually asking your daughter food related questions can only make this worse. She might be even more uncomfortable speaking to you about it, perhaps a woman would make her feel more at ease with her body.

Honestly, 8yo is quite young for an eating disorder and saying that your wife diets a lot is quite a stretch for learned behavior. I think it's odd that you continue to put those two things together and that is why I will continue to recommend that you just bring her to a doctor.

You come across as attacking him because you have been. And you really don't know what you are talking about. 8 is young, but kids this age do get eating disorders. They have residential programs for children under 12 with eating disorders. And the wife dieting can be a trigger. There's nothing odd about that. I have never, ever mentioned weight or dieting around my daughter precisely to avoid this issue.

I only posted at 16:05 and 17:09, I'm not sock-puppeting the same opinion throughout the thread... Other PPs have pretty much the same opinion. I was harsh because I have been there and I know what it is like to have one's dad questioning them about an eating disorder--it feels like accusing and it makes it worse. It totally ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12-26, an estimated 1% are female adolescents. Statistics are on your side OP, please be gentle with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 16:05 and maybe I do come across as attacking you, because I was trying to stress the importance of this NOT being a parental fact finding mission. Leave this to a doctor. At this point, and with the info given, continually asking your daughter food related questions can only make this worse. She might be even more uncomfortable speaking to you about it, perhaps a woman would make her feel more at ease with her body.

Honestly, 8yo is quite young for an eating disorder and saying that your wife diets a lot is quite a stretch for learned behavior. I think it's odd that you continue to put those two things together and that is why I will continue to recommend that you just bring her to a doctor.

You come across as attacking him because you have been. And you really don't know what you are talking about. 8 is young, but kids this age do get eating disorders. They have residential programs for children under 12 with eating disorders. And the wife dieting can be a trigger. There's nothing odd about that. I have never, ever mentioned weight or dieting around my daughter precisely to avoid this issue.

I only posted at 16:05 and 17:09, I'm not sock-puppeting the same opinion throughout the thread... Other PPs have pretty much the same opinion. I was harsh because I have been there and I know what it is like to have one's dad questioning them about an eating disorder--it feels like accusing and it makes it worse. It totally ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

95% of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12-26, an estimated 1% are female adolescents. Statistics are on your side OP, please be gentle with your daughter.

You are projecting your issues with your father onto this poster. Not nice at all. Get therapy if you can only see a father's concern as a negative, bad thing. You attacked him and blamed him for his daughter's problems and were horrible to him. Leave the man alone, he isn't your father. He is already dealing with enough, he doesn't need someone bitchily taking out her daddy issues on him.

[Anonymous]

I had an eating disorder as a young child and my family didn't seek treatment until I was in high school. Please, take your DD to the doctor and see what's going on. Whatever it is, 400-500 calories a day is dangerous. She needs nutrition. I wish you the best of luck. No parent should ever have to go through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your wife think about the situation?

She is concerned too and did tell dd that if it continued she'd have to take her to the doctor.

I'm going to see how it goes this week when I can observe (silently) all of her mealtimes.

[Anonymous]

weekend, I mean.

[Anonymous]

I did not have an eating disorder, but I was very aware of my weight and went on mini-diets at age 8-9: something I attribute to being pretty involved in ballet/dance. (Incidentally, if your DD does dance seriously, this would be a red flag.) And I grew up in a more innocent age of the the 80's. Kids these days are subject to much more weight-related messaging. I think PPs are being naive to think that a 8-yr-old is somehow immune to this just because of her age. This does not at all mean your DD has a eating problem, just that I definitely think body image issue can strike pretty early.

[Anonymous]

While I am not a fan of threatening kids with the doctor, I think at age 8 you can kind of do that. I would just say to her in a matter of fact way “hon, you have a doctor’s appointment on Wed after school” (give her a few days notice). She will likely ask why and you should tell her without emotion that you have noticed that she isn’t eating much and losing weight, so it is important to make sure everything is okay. She may at that point tell you she doesn’t feel well (as others have said, it is hard to describe acid reflux or ulcers even for adults let alone an 8 yr old because it is not normal pain but a burning feeling or general discomfort) or may protest that she doesn’t need a dr -- you should still make her go. If she has a dr. she likes, pick that one; if not, pick someone you all have seen before that is talkative/can make her comfortable as it may take some questions and answers to get to the bottom of this, the dr will want to check her belly etc so it’ll be helpful if she’s kind of willing to participate. I wouldn’t worry about eating disorders yet, it is very possible this is physical.

[Anonymous]

First, your wife should seek help overcoming her need to "diet" and to talk about dieting around her daughters. That's completely irresponsible.

Second, you should get professional advice on this. Whatever is going on is serious and tricky and needs to be handled carefully.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I am not a fan of threatening kids with the doctor, I think at age 8 you can kind of do that. I would just say to her in a matter of fact way “hon, you have a doctor’s appointment on Wed after school” (give her a few days notice). She will likely ask why and you should tell her without emotion that you have noticed that she isn’t eating much and losing weight, so it is important to make sure everything is okay. She may at that point tell you she doesn’t feel well (as others have said, it is hard to describe acid reflux or ulcers even for adults let alone an 8 yr old because it is not normal pain but a burning feeling or general discomfort) or may protest that she doesn’t need a dr -- you should still make her go. If she has a dr. she likes, pick that one; if not, pick someone you all have seen before that is talkative/can make her comfortable as it may take some questions and answers to get to the bottom of this, the dr will want to check her belly etc so it’ll be helpful if she’s kind of willing to participate. I wouldn’t worry about eating disorders yet, it is very possible this is physical.

I think this is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Make an appointment with Dr. Tomas Silber at Children's. He specializes in pediatric (and early onset) eating disorders.

[Anonymous]

OP, any update?

[Anonymous]

is dinnertime tense at your house?

I know that always makes a difference to me. And yesterday my son was somehow really angry and argumentative and was sent away from the table, and our daughter stopped eating because she was upset. She can't eat if things are tense.

try really connecting with your daughter before dinner. A silly, tickling, chasing or wrestling game. Run around and play with her.

I know this wouldn't help if it were really an eating disorder. But it would help relax her if it's tension or anxiety. After you play and come to the table, try to keep it relaxed and try not to pay much attention to what she eats or doesn't eat. Try that 2-3 nights in a row. (and keep educating yourself about other things it could be.) For this kind of thing, talking to the pediatrician first on the phone or something out of earshot of your daughter would be better than bringing her in. You don't want to make too big a deal out of it, if it is a control thing. (and if it IS an eating disorder, then that's something else, and I've no idea how to address it. I'm sure you know a lot more.)