Men at monitoring appointments

[Anonymous]

I have been visiting this forum for the entire time my wife and I have been trying to have a baby together and this is on,y the second time I can recall someone starting a thread for a purpose other than to seek support, to give support, to seek help or to give help. I hope this thread dies a quick death because it is not within the spirit of the other threads. I don't know why all the men are in the wait room, but, if it helps, I can tell you that the appointments for men to provide samples are generally between when the clinics open and 11 am, so there are more likely to be men in the wait rooms at that time.

[Anonymous]

So no men and no kids in waiting rooms. What do we plan to limit next, females with working uteruses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of what I am there for. I don't want a bunch of men around while I am waiting to go put my feet up in stirrups in the other room. Infertility is a private thing.

Do you really think these men are interested and remotely focused on what's happening with YOU!?! Are you afraid they might sneak in your exam room just to stare at YOUR vagina? How is YOUR privacy being violated in any way?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:33 - I actually get what you are saying. To me, it feels as uncomfortable as men hanging out outside of a dressing room. When I have to empty my bladder at my doctor's office in a bathroom that is located in the hall, I can't stand when I walk out and there is a man or men hanging out in chairs right outside the bathroom. If men come, I think they should be brought back only when there is a room for them to go into. Just my 2 cents.

At many chain stores (e.g. Banana Republic) they don't separate the dressing rooms by gender anyway, so you might (gasp!) have a man actually CHANGING in the room next to where you are CHANGING! OMG!!!

I can't fathom how women would begrudge having the husbands/partners of other women struggling with infertility accompany them to as many or as few appointments as they choose. The only thing I can think of is that they are jealous or bitter b/c their husbands/partners aren't able to come or simply don't care to. I can't think of any other reason why people would care. To say it is an invasion of privacy is asinine. Anything private happens behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell ya what, I'll hang out outside of the room the men masturbate in because it's my right. We all know how comfortable that would be for the men, just acknowledge how uncomfortable it may be for other women to see a man when a probe was just inserted into her vagina. Perspective.

There are people already outside the room. That is after the fun of having a nurse bring walk me to the room, check my id and then pointing out the porn (which clearly can't be sterilized after each handling). At CFA you also get to carry the full cup down the hall to drop it off at the lab, which requires you to ring for someone to come to the door while you stand in the hall with your cup. It is awkward all around. I think we can all agree that there is nothing fun about the fertility process. If I didn't have to visit CFA for my appointments or to support my wife, believe me there are other places I'd rather be. And I don't watch football if Chicago isn't playing and I don't work on Sundays for religious reasons. The thread is not helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

I actually don't think the original point was men in the waiting room, but rather men back in the waiting area by the ultrasound room. At least that is how I interpreted the question. I also think that some of the people responding are not familiar with the mechanics of morning monitoring at a fertility clinic (or the layout may differ widely at different clinics so what is strange at one clinic is fine at another.) At GW, the only clinic I am personally familiar with, women line up for blood draws and ultrasounds in the back of the clinic away from the waiting room. Men, if they come, wait in the waiting room and are then called in when their partners are in the ultrasound room from the waiting room. This seems reasonable and in the six years that I did fertility treatments there, I never saw a man who was a frequent repeat visitor in the back of the clinic. A man might come back for an ultrasound near the end of the cycle, but never for routine lining checks or simple blood draws. This system never bothered me. Occasionally, a man would stand in line with his partner, which I didn't prefer because the changing room is shared and the door to the hallway was often opened when someone was undressed, but the men seemed to hate this too and it was usually a first-timer problem alone. After that first visit, the men happily waited in the waiting room until called.

I only write this long-winded answer because this thread started to be a fight comparing apples and oranges - different clinics with different setups - and being commented on by people not familiar with different kinds of fertility appointments. I also don't think it was originally about waiting rooms at all. This board is usually not negative and there is no reason to let conversations become toxic when the parties are not actually addressing the same issues as each other.

[Anonymous]

PP - thank goodness it sounds like you are at CFA. That means I never have to run into you.

When do you work then, with all of your monitoring appointments and Sundays off? That must be some large DC firm LOL!

19:59 - nobody is jealous or bitter about anything. Some of us feel like we can handle a follicle count and/blood draw on our own. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell ya what, I'll hang out outside of the room the men masturbate in because it's my right. We all know how comfortable that would be for the men, just acknowledge how uncomfortable it may be for other women to see a man when a probe was just inserted into her vagina. Perspective.

There are people already outside the room. That is after the fun of having a nurse bring walk me to the room, check my id and then pointing out the porn (which clearly can't be sterilized after each handling). At CFA you also get to carry the full cup down the hall to drop it off at the lab, which requires you to ring for someone to come to the door while you stand in the hall with your cup. It is awkward all around. I think we can all agree that there is nothing fun about the fertility process. If I didn't have to visit CFA for my appointments or to support my wife, believe me there are other places I'd rather be. And I don't watch football if Chicago isn't playing and I don't work on Sundays for religious reasons. The thread is not helping anyone.

You sound like a good man and husband. Ignore the crazy woman. She is probably bitter that her husband/partner doesn't want to go with her.

[Anonymous]

Op here. This is the first time I have posted to this thread since my original post and I did not intend for this thread to devolve into this. I was honestly curious why men are there at am monitoring during the week. Personally I get very little information from these appointments until my nurse calls me in the afternoon and I started thinking all of the women with these men were pregnant. I now understand why some of the men are there. This is a difficult procrss for all of us and we all deal with it the best we can. I in no way meant to judge other people's choices or situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't think the original point was men in the waiting room, but rather men back in the waiting area by the ultrasound room. At least that is how I interpreted the question. I also think that some of the people responding are not familiar with the mechanics of morning monitoring at a fertility clinic (or the layout may differ widely at different clinics so what is strange at one clinic is fine at another.) At GW, the only clinic I am personally familiar with, women line up for blood draws and ultrasounds in the back of the clinic away from the waiting room. Men, if they come, wait in the waiting room and are then called in when their partners are in the ultrasound room from the waiting room. This seems reasonable and in the six years that I did fertility treatments there, I never saw a man who was a frequent repeat visitor in the back of the clinic. A man might come back for an ultrasound near the end of the cycle, but never for routine lining checks or simple blood draws. This system never bothered me. Occasionally, a man would stand in line with his partner, which I didn't prefer because the changing room is shared and the door to the hallway was often opened when someone was undressed, but the men seemed to hate this too and it was usually a first-timer problem alone. After that first visit, the men happily waited in the waiting room until called.

I only write this long-winded answer because this thread started to be a fight comparing apples and oranges - different clinics with different setups - and being commented on by people not familiar with different kinds of fertility appointments. I also don't think it was originally about waiting rooms at all. This board is usually not negative and there is no reason to let conversations become toxic when the parties are not actually addressing the same issues as each other.

Nope. Both the OP and 12:02 (who may be the OP or a new poster) specifically stated that they had a problem with men in the waiting room. Nothing about the inner offices or exam rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - thank goodness it sounds like you are at CFA. That means I never have to run into you.

When do you work then, with all of your monitoring appointments and Sundays off? That must be some large DC firm LOL!

19:59 - nobody is jealous or bitter about anything. Some of us feel like we can handle a follicle count and/blood draw on our own. Get over yourself.

The process is hard for everyone, do you feel better by making fun of others? Maybe if you concentrate more on your own journey and hate less, your path will be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is the first time I have posted to this thread since my original post and I did not intend for this thread to devolve into this. I was honestly curious why men are there at am monitoring during the week. Personally I get very little information from these appointments until my nurse calls me in the afternoon and I started thinking all of the women with these men were pregnant. I now understand why some of the men are there. This is a difficult procrss for all of us and we all deal with it the best we can. I in no way meant to judge other people's choices or situation.

20:21 here. Thanks for coming back to explain OP. For me it was 12:02's post that was really offensive and narrow-minded.
Good luck to you and dh on your journey. I've been thru infertility, and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame 12:02 and I think she has every right to feel the way she feels. The whole infertility thing is uncomfortable. At SG, men are sitting outside the exam rooms sometimes with their wives. Totally unnecessary and I've complained about it. I don't think 12:02 is as self-centered as some people here that she thinks other men are interested in her vagina. I see her point actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't blame 12:02 and I think she has every right to feel the way she feels. The whole infertility thing is uncomfortable. At SG, men are sitting outside the exam rooms sometimes with their wives. Totally unnecessary and I've complained about it. I don't think 12:02 is as self-centered as some people here that she thinks other men are interested in her vagina. I see her point actually.

This. I think it is what 20:14 suggested. That it varies from clinic to clinic. I thought it was really interesting to hear her describe the setup at GW, which doesn't sound so bad. I was at SG where it is less than ideal (as PP describes above).

[Anonymous]

My husband attended monitoring appointments with me. It was important to him that he feel involved in the process. Even though we couldn't just jump in bed to make a baby, we were still doing this together. And just the other day we were talking about what a great memory it was to see that the drugs worked and actually see the big, fat follicle that became our DS.

We went to SG and were never in the back waiting area more than 5 minutes. It's not like they do the ultrasounds in the hallway- there are doors and curtains around the doors. Trust me, none of these men are giving you, your vagina, or your fertility a second thought - they are there to get info about their own situation.

And really you better get used to it because if you do get pregnant, there will be men in the OB's office attending appointments with their wives there as well. Some men actually like to be involved!